Support Systems

I have said it before and I will say it again, having a support system of people you love, and who love you makes a big difference in accomplishing, or not accomplishing your goals.

I was up and had my kiddos both in tow by 8 am, to get to the club for an hour of fasted cardio on the dreaded stair mill. I secretly hope every.single.time I get to the gym someone, anyone will be on the stairs and I will have to walk on an incline until they get off. Ever since I have started wishing this, of course... no one else wants to use my damn climber. What's their problem? I feel like walking around and asking people if they'd like to use it for a quick session. But.I.do.not.do.that.fyi.

I finished a less than stellar performance on the climber, went down to pick up kids from daycare, to be greeted by "Your precious baby girl said she hates us today" from my beloved daycare ladies. Really, we don't even allow the word hate to be used at our house. Thank you, preschool? Maybe, who knows. So I pull out my mom card and make her understand that isn't ok, and she must say sorry. After about 10 minutes and as much encouragement about how brave and good she is for doing the right thing and apologizing for hurting their hearts, she apologizes and we head to the car.

Really? Why? My girl is so sweet, never a problem. Really, she is one of the best behaved children I know. My baby boy 2 year old, on the other hand. Terror.

Anyway, so we come home and I am eating, showering, and waiting for my friends kids to come over so I can watch them while she trains-- then she is watching my kids while I lift with Big Jon. Cancellation. Wont work, life happens and I had to revamp. I had already revamped from the original sitter situation. Then I was scrambeling. Thank goodness my cousin was willing and able to take my kiddos so I could accomplish today's training.

I started crying outside and inside. I am exhausted. I am drained. I am not having fun, I am not "enjoying this process." I have stress up to my friggin eyeballs and I want to quit. I am sick of tosseling my kids from one place to the next, sick of thinking 24-7 about how I am going to accomplish the next session of training.

I call the 3 people I know will tell me like it is and converse with them on whether I am just wigging out or if I really need to quit.

All of them say. You have to make the choice, pray about it. You will know.

Damnit. I know I will know. I don't want to know I want someone to tell me what to do.

I will be so embarrassed if I can't finish this competition. I have told, like, everyone what I am doing. I have worked my butt off for 32 days. I am 1/3rd of the way there. Will I regret doing this later, or will I regret not doing this later?

My poor trainer. I show up, pisssed. Don't want to workout. I would rather whine and cry. So he makes me lift friggin I dunno what they are called, tripple sets? What the crap? I whine the whole time anyway. Not about the lifting. I love the lifting. I love lifting heavy crap. I definitly could push heavier weights because I was just so mad and frusterated.

He had a lot of words of wisdom. He is a wise man, I have a testimony of Big Jon. In addition to his big muscles he also has brains and a background in psycholgy which helps him deal with crazy people like... ME.

First he says I am normal. Everyone is sorta wigging out at this point. Then he says I look really good for 8 weeks out. I am leaner, he doesn't care about my weight... staying steady at 130.7 ish. He understands I can't do fasted cardio everyday. I will regret it if I quit. He knows I am capable of doing this and I need to just chill or my gains are going to be harder to come by. Stress is no good for the body. Oh ya, he asks me to start tanning a little. Don't judge. I love tanning and I love him for asking me to do it.

I broke the news that I have drank a diet soda every day but one this week. He said, that's ok. I broke the news that I eat a banana with peanut butter every cheat meal in addition to tacos and chips and salsa or whatever my meal is. He said, that's ok.

He told me what he eats for his cheat meals and I feel like that jacker has been holdin out on me!!! Guess what this girl gets tomorrow?! Idaho Pizza yo. And I am gonna looooooove on it like nobody's bizness. And then, I will also drink a diet dr pepper, and then I will also eat atleast 1 banana, maybe even 2 with peanut butter and chopped walnuts.

That's what is getting me through. That piece of heaven of dinner I get tomorow. Y to the um I can not freaking waite til tomorow.

As I am on my way home I think, what if I could borrow my moms treddy mill and do fasted cardio every single day first thing in the morning and stop having to go to the gym 2x or 3x a day sometimes? What the heck, can't hurt to ask.

"in your situation, that's a great idea."

And the heavens poured down blessings on me because I can breathe again!!! This lightens my stress load by like a million millimeters, my mom is willing to share. And I can stop this freaking out every, single day about when and how I am going to get in all my training. Thank you Lord!!

I have to break the news to my man tonight that I need him to get some help to get that treddy over here, and pronto. But I think he will be totally fine with it when he realizes just how much easier this is going to make my life.

All I could think since my trainging session is how mad at myself I'd be in 10 years if I quit now. I will always wonder if I could have done it, if I could have won, if I could have looked like some ghetto faboulousness on stage. I will always wonder what the end result would have been. And I have to say, I am just not ok with living that way..... so I will focus in on the next two months. It is only two months and I know that I can do this. I know I can be a good mom, wife, daughter, and friend. I know I can put myself first for the next 2 months in order to fullfill this once in a lifetime journey.

I am strong, I am capable, and I am going to rock the rest of this journey with my head held high. I can, and so can you. Accomplish hard things. We can conquer. What are you conquering today?