The past week I have really come to the conclusion that I am a little bit of a crazy lady up in the head. I don't want to say I have struggled coming off of competing. That seems so "normal," so "everybody says that." To be honest the more I articulate how I feel and the things I am doing and saying the more I realize I have been using one big excuse after another.
"I was so restricted so long."
"This makes me happy right now."
"I am a mom, I have to find balance."
the list goes on, there were more. I have talked before about my internal dialogue between the angel on the right shoulder and the devil on the left. I think how I want something so so bad, yet I know I shouldn't have it. I know the scale will go up, I will feel guilty. I mostly refer to food only as I have come off of contest prep because the training isn't an issue. I love to sweat, I love to lift heavy things, I love to feel the endorphins, I love to push my body.
Food has become a crutch, it has become something I use to stuff my feelings. I don't even know what else to say it has become, besides out of control. My relationship with food is not good and when I honestly think about it-- it has always been this way. I have used the excuse of competing, but that is all it is. It's an excuse. I have always loved "bad" food, and I have always tried to out run the inner fat girl by keeping the junk out of my life, but eventually it always has caught up to me and I have always felt sad after the inner f.g. caught me and I had a "slip up."
I'm so sick of these words!!
slip up
cheating
on track
bad food
good food
Seriously. Sick of it.
This is where I think my issues are really lying, and I think where they have been since (honestly my first memory is 5th grade of these issues). No, I dont have an eating disorder. I eat, I don't throw up, I don't kill myself at the gym after I have eaten some bad food (food that isn't on my plan). I just have some weird hang up with food and what it is to me. Addictions. I have food addictions I guess. I could go see someone to talk about these said issues, but instead I am too cheap and I think I can work on them in little ways on my own. So for now that is what I am going to do.
I have a new plan. I am type A planner girl and that's what I do. I make plans, outlines, and lists.
I started a cleanse today (I HATE cleanses, fyi) but Jon recommended it and I feel like his reasons were valid points. My body needs a little down time and a little reset. It isn't a starve yourself cleanse or take weird supplements cleanse. It is a fast today (I am a little hungry, and super tired) with lots of water, tomorrow I will have fruits all day, veggies the next, and then a combo of protein, veggies and fruits the next 4 days. I just need a fresh slate and this is where I am getting it from, along with the mental makeover I feel like I have come to grips with and am working on.
I like to eat every 3 hours, mostly because I am always hungry. There is a lot of research out there on intermittent fasting, paleo/primal, 4 meals a day vs 6... but what I feel like works for me and is going to work for me is 5-6 small meals a day. My calories are about to go up, quite a bit. But not in that crazy, macro counting obsessive way. I calculated some numbers based on Kyra's post and I see that my caloric intake should be around 2000 a day. That seems really high to me but when I take into account what I have been eating and the cheats that have been slipping in I realize that I am obviously at that number or higher anyway. I feel like some of the out of controlness is coming from the fact that I am restricting myself, even on healthy foods to stay in a low range of calories. I think, when I am honest with myself if I can increase these calories with good, clean, nutritious ones-- I am going to be better off than ever. I think I am going to FEEL better than ever.
So my new meal plan looks like this.
When I am hungry every 2.5 or 3 hours, I will eat. I will eat something healthy with a mixture of protein and complex carbs and healthy fats.. .and limiting my carb sources to early in the day, with out freaking the heck out if I, GASP, eat a yam with dinner.
I am not competing anymore. I am a woman, mom, wife, athlete and trainer. I want to look fit, be fit, and be healthy. I don't have to have a 15% body fat (although I wont lie, I want to have a less that 18% body fat from here to eternity), but I do need to be using fuel for food, I do need to be practicing what I am preaching, I do need to remain a nice mom-- which means finding the balance of happy with my food, happy with my workouts, and happy with my reflection.
The reflection, is tricky. The naked reflection is really tricky. I always look straight at my stomach in the mirror. Why? Why do I do that? My stomach is not my best asset. But, I have really nice legs and butt. So there it is. I have got to stop focusing on my stomach when I look in the mirror. It is never going to have abs. Even on the stage my abs weren't popping. I can't maintain the stage look and I would be miserable if I continued to try.
So I wont.
I want to keep building lean muscle, because I love to lift heavy weights, and I do love the way muscle looks on me. That's my goal. Enjoy my workouts, cut the cardio (I have still been doing 60-90 minutes a day) in half, and eat clean.
Train dirty, eat clean, and let my mind and my reflection heal. I have a family to take care of and they need to me to be kicking around for the next 50 years, what better way to do it than that? Eat clean, train dirty, and be happy.
I think I got this.
I think I am ready.
It's going to be a great week.
How do you feel? Do you have food issues too?
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
My Hero
is YOU, friends!!
A popular trainer from the Utah area posted on facebook this week that his role models in the fitness industry are us! The every day Janes. The moms, the working people, the REAL people who are doing real life things to pay the bills and are trudging forward in the trenches doing the healthy fit lifestyle too.
I loved him A LOT more after I read this.
I think it is probably hard for everyone to do this day in and day out. Eat clean, lift weights, do cardio, drink water, get enough sleep.
But maybe, just maybe it IS easier for people who make a living doing it.
Today I was an early morning alarm clock, a breakfast cooker, a hair stylist, a workout queen, a potty trainer, a bus driver, a baseball game watcher, a dish washer, a nap enforcer, a dog walker, later I will be a personal trainer, a listening ear, a role model, a cook, a sex slave (haha that was just to be funny!!!), a house cleaner, and hopefully at some point I'll get a shower and get some make up on too.
Other days I am 50 other, different things.
And every day you are 50 different things. We have a lot to balance and being healthy and fit adds another couple of hours to our routines each day. While I think we are more proficient at the 50 other things we need to do or be because of our healthy lifestyle, it still isn't easy.
It's a choice. We know that, anything worth having is not easy.
You are my hero. You keep me coming back for more blog posts, you keep me learning more improving and making my business grow-- and me as a person grow.
Thank you. Thank you for all you do and for being amazing. Balancing it all-- you, YOU are my hero.
A popular trainer from the Utah area posted on facebook this week that his role models in the fitness industry are us! The every day Janes. The moms, the working people, the REAL people who are doing real life things to pay the bills and are trudging forward in the trenches doing the healthy fit lifestyle too.
I loved him A LOT more after I read this.
I think it is probably hard for everyone to do this day in and day out. Eat clean, lift weights, do cardio, drink water, get enough sleep.
But maybe, just maybe it IS easier for people who make a living doing it.
Today I was an early morning alarm clock, a breakfast cooker, a hair stylist, a workout queen, a potty trainer, a bus driver, a baseball game watcher, a dish washer, a nap enforcer, a dog walker, later I will be a personal trainer, a listening ear, a role model, a cook, a sex slave (haha that was just to be funny!!!), a house cleaner, and hopefully at some point I'll get a shower and get some make up on too.
Other days I am 50 other, different things.
And every day you are 50 different things. We have a lot to balance and being healthy and fit adds another couple of hours to our routines each day. While I think we are more proficient at the 50 other things we need to do or be because of our healthy lifestyle, it still isn't easy.
It's a choice. We know that, anything worth having is not easy.
You are my hero. You keep me coming back for more blog posts, you keep me learning more improving and making my business grow-- and me as a person grow.
Thank you. Thank you for all you do and for being amazing. Balancing it all-- you, YOU are my hero.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
YOU are beautiful
http://beprettythinkpretty.blogspot.com/
http://www.busybuthealthy.com/2012/05/14/fit-but-unhappy/
http://www.thegetinshapeworkoutplan.com/when-cheating-is-worth-it/
http://jen-fits-playground.com/?p=2271
http://www.emilyzaler.com/apps/blog/
Hi Friends,
Thought I better update ya'll and let you know that I am so appreciative of all of you that have reached out and given me some encouragement and a listening ear (or offer of it!) over the past few days since my post. I have been doing a lot of reading, a lot of pondering, and a lot of processing since I posted and I am happy to report that I am feeling much better and much more 'my old self again.'
This week the blogs I posted above have touched me in one way or another and because I appreciated the perspective, I thought what the heck... you guys might too, so I bookmarked them for you. I only "know" one of the authors but I thought all of the posts were relevant to many of us in some way or another. Take what you can and apply what is useful to you in your own life.
I have gotten on track with healthy clean eating since yesterday morning, and have gotten two really great workouts in. I have my schedule for the rest of the week and feel confident that I am on my way back to regular 'ol life. I feel confident in my abilities to master health and balance.
This week I have been reminded on several occasions how lucky I am to be a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend-- and how those blessing should not be taken for granted. I read a inspirational post today that said "we don't really start living until we realize that we can not take a day for granted." I do not know when my last day with my children or my husband will come-- and I had better start taking better advantage of the time that I have, and not be moping around or spending unnecessary time fretting over an extra calorie or an extra carb. In the grand scheme of things those are such small matters.
That is not to say I plan on going nutso and continuing to eat out of moderation. That is not ok in anyway shape or form and does go against everything I have molded myself into over the past few years. I believe that I can balance healthy clean eating, healthy reasonable exercise, and maintain a physique I can be proud of. 13% body fat is not realistic but 16 or 17% is, and that is my goal.
Yesterday as I was spending some time doodling, thinking about my stomach and how totally obnoxious it is to me that the only way I can be semi-satisfied with it is at such a low body fat percentage... I thought how ridiculous I was being. I have many other assets physically, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually but for the sake of this blog.. (I am referencing physical). I wrote them down. I pushed my stomach issue aside and wrote down 4 things that I am proud of and think are beautiful and much better than average.
I can think of one thing I don't quite hate, (but it's close) and 4 things that I don't quite love (but almost).
What the hell am I whining about?!
I am done. I choose to look on the bright side. I choose to value the things that are positive and good about myself, and I choose to try my best to ignore the things that are out of my control. Worrying, stressing, trying to figure out the exact combo of crap that will make it less bad... it's over.
It's done.
I encourage you (clients too) to stop spending time thinking about the area you hate. Start dwelling on an area that is great and beautiful. Recognize that we all have beauty is us in many different ways and stop being afraid of being great. Stop!!
You are amazing, you are beautiful, you are strong (WAYYYY stronger than you think you are!), you are capable, you are gifted, you are YOUER THAN YOU and TRUER THAN TRUE!
And so am I.
Let's be great, let's aim high and be big. Let's work hard and stop allowing the little negativity to bring us down.
You are beautiful.
http://www.busybuthealthy.com/2012/05/14/fit-but-unhappy/
http://www.thegetinshapeworkoutplan.com/when-cheating-is-worth-it/
http://jen-fits-playground.com/?p=2271
http://www.emilyzaler.com/apps/blog/
Hi Friends,
Thought I better update ya'll and let you know that I am so appreciative of all of you that have reached out and given me some encouragement and a listening ear (or offer of it!) over the past few days since my post. I have been doing a lot of reading, a lot of pondering, and a lot of processing since I posted and I am happy to report that I am feeling much better and much more 'my old self again.'
This week the blogs I posted above have touched me in one way or another and because I appreciated the perspective, I thought what the heck... you guys might too, so I bookmarked them for you. I only "know" one of the authors but I thought all of the posts were relevant to many of us in some way or another. Take what you can and apply what is useful to you in your own life.
I have gotten on track with healthy clean eating since yesterday morning, and have gotten two really great workouts in. I have my schedule for the rest of the week and feel confident that I am on my way back to regular 'ol life. I feel confident in my abilities to master health and balance.
This week I have been reminded on several occasions how lucky I am to be a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend-- and how those blessing should not be taken for granted. I read a inspirational post today that said "we don't really start living until we realize that we can not take a day for granted." I do not know when my last day with my children or my husband will come-- and I had better start taking better advantage of the time that I have, and not be moping around or spending unnecessary time fretting over an extra calorie or an extra carb. In the grand scheme of things those are such small matters.
That is not to say I plan on going nutso and continuing to eat out of moderation. That is not ok in anyway shape or form and does go against everything I have molded myself into over the past few years. I believe that I can balance healthy clean eating, healthy reasonable exercise, and maintain a physique I can be proud of. 13% body fat is not realistic but 16 or 17% is, and that is my goal.
Yesterday as I was spending some time doodling, thinking about my stomach and how totally obnoxious it is to me that the only way I can be semi-satisfied with it is at such a low body fat percentage... I thought how ridiculous I was being. I have many other assets physically, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually but for the sake of this blog.. (I am referencing physical). I wrote them down. I pushed my stomach issue aside and wrote down 4 things that I am proud of and think are beautiful and much better than average.
I can think of one thing I don't quite hate, (but it's close) and 4 things that I don't quite love (but almost).
What the hell am I whining about?!
I am done. I choose to look on the bright side. I choose to value the things that are positive and good about myself, and I choose to try my best to ignore the things that are out of my control. Worrying, stressing, trying to figure out the exact combo of crap that will make it less bad... it's over.
It's done.
I encourage you (clients too) to stop spending time thinking about the area you hate. Start dwelling on an area that is great and beautiful. Recognize that we all have beauty is us in many different ways and stop being afraid of being great. Stop!!
You are amazing, you are beautiful, you are strong (WAYYYY stronger than you think you are!), you are capable, you are gifted, you are YOUER THAN YOU and TRUER THAN TRUE!
And so am I.
Let's be great, let's aim high and be big. Let's work hard and stop allowing the little negativity to bring us down.
You are beautiful.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day
I had an exciting weekend. My mom got re-married yesterday and today was of course, a mother's day celebration. What does that add up to? FOOD, food, food.
I really stayed on good track Monday through Thursday last week but, Thursday life started getting a bit busier than usual and I felt the pressure of a hectic day-- and my eating went to heck and a hand basket to just put it like it is.
I am having a hard time transitioning to real life. I am having a hard time making a decision as to who exactly I want to be. Granted, I am a wife and mom first (my highest most precious priorities) but I am a personal trainer and advocate of health second. I am passionate about all four of these titles.
The problem I keep going back and forth with is-- I L.O.V.E food. I have a fat woman on the inside of this smaller body and I love to eat. I get excited about a dinner out, a bbq, wedding cake, cookies, mexican food, or an ice cream cone. I genuinely get excited. I think in one thought that I don't care that much what my figure looks like, I enjoy food and I want to enjoy eating it with people. I am sick of being the "one" who "can't" have anything, ever. But in that exact moment that I say that while I am indulging in not one, but two bowls of ice cream... I feel embarrassed to be eating that. I feel like I look fat, and I feel like people think I look fat. I do not want to step foot into my husbands work because I don't "look" like a fitness competitor/personal trainer, and I tried to wear the loosest dress I had to church today in hopes people wouldn't notice I have gained weight.
That is not a good sign. I feel it is a slippery slope that if a client told me, I would be waving red flags around racking my brain trying to figure out how to help my client see their beauty and how they "really" look. But we aren't talking about them, we are talking about me and I feel nervous about these feelings I am having.
People are asking, how is it going? I am not lying I am telling it like it is, it's hard. I just hate it because I want this to be easy. I have been changing, evolving for over two years now. My new lifestyle should be more permanent and easy to follow, shouldn't it?
I have read that it never gets easy. It's always a choice.
I think the #1 problem I am facing is this cold, hard, truth--
I am a recovering addict. I am addicted to sugar. Like an alcoholic or a drug hooked person (What is that called? oh yah, a drug addict-- duh) I do very well as long as I stay away from my drug. Sugar. If I do not indulge in one, I am safe. But the moment I eat one of absolutely anything sugar... it is a freaking slip n slide down the biggest mountain you can imagine... I just can not stop and I eat it all, anything within sight-- until I feel sick.
I know I should put it out there that this is easy for me. I should say I can have one treat and stop. I should say and believe that I can do all things in moderation. But over and over again I am proving myself wrong. It isn't that I want to be the girl who nobody wants to go to the movie with because I CAN'T eat anything there, it isn't that I want to be the person who says no to a dessert party because I CAN'T say no to the cake without being pissy and wanting it. It isn't that I want to be this person. I just am that person.
I could choose to not be, but then I choose to gain 30 lbs and I now realize that, because it isn't possible to out train that shitty diet... I might as well at that point stop working out because I am doing it in vain. I could be that person. But I would be sad. I'd be sad when I walked, I'd be sad when I took my kids to the park and felt exhausted. I'd be sad when I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection. I'd be sad when my husband wanted to make love and I didn't want to because I felt fat and don't want him to see my stomach.
It all comes down to choices and anyone who tells you these choices are easy is a freaking liar and I'll say it to their face. I am not a fitness model who pays the bills on my physique (maybe it IS easy for them, but they make a living eating 100% all the time), I am just a real girl who takes care of their family and wants to be the best most fittest version of herself she can-- without making herself feel crazy.
So let's make the choices. The hard choices. Let's pick the higher road, the one that leads us to the end result we are happy and proud of. Not the easy road that makes us feel happy "in the moment." Keep working hard, aiming high, doing your best. And as Tony Horton would say "forget the rest."
Monday, May 7, 2012
Help!
I had 3 fabulous clients at the gym tonight.
Have I ever told you how much I love my job? Like seriously, I am in love with it. I *might* love it more because I don't HAVE to do it, I choose to do it. I *might* love it because I get to meet with super cool people a couple times a week and chat. I *might* love it because I get to watch people who feel like they can't, figure out that they CAN!!!
I think the third one is where it is at. Client #1 walked in tonight in work clothes, looking MUCH much smaller than she did when she first came to me a month ago. Like seriously, looked small and cute and in style in her work clothes. Client #2 walked in with a WAY smaller midsection, and was seriously busting out exercises she could barely do a month ago. Client # 3 walked in looking sad and a little sleepy but was physically looking small in the midsection (I saw her upper abs although she argued with me about it)!, smaller in the legs and butt and she was most definitely energized and happy when she left. I laughed out loud at least 6 times tonight.
I am here to tell you, YOU CAN NOT ALWAYS SEE THE PROGRESS YOU ARE MAKING! THE SCALE DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK IN YOUR FAVOR!
You are lifting weights? You are building muscle. You are shrinking your body.
You are eating nutritious food? You are fueling your body to perform at it's peak. You are shrinking your body.
My clients are making amazing progress, they are getting smaller, losing inches, losing pounds, gaining strength and each and every one of them are gaining confidence in themselves.
Dude. That's so priceless.
I wont lie. Sometimes they say things like "I hate Teri, I hate Teri." to which I reply "I love Teri I love Teri", and command 5 more deep squats, or 4 more step ups. I push you to your limits, because you CAN do so much more than you THINK you can.
I can take it, I can handle the hate because you know what... the minute they leave the gym and feel the energy rush from a good sweat session, I get a text that says "I feel fabulous." Sometimes they hate me when they have to pass up a piece of cake in the middle of the week, but when they get to Friday and they weigh in and they are down another pound or 2, I get a text that says they love me.
You know what? Healthy living, healthy eating, a regular exercise program is not acquired in a month. It takes months. It takes years. You will never wake up and think to yourself "wow, I have arrived. I can stop working on this." It is a constant choice to make the good choice. And sometimes, we screw up. Sometimes we skip a workout, sometimes we get sick, sometimes we accidently eat a piece of cake (or even 4!) (I've been there....) in the middle of the week.
Stop stressing. Realize that you are human and each meal is a new opportunity to make the best choice possible. Stop thinking you have to do everything on your own. We all need help. There are a million and five people who helped me arrive here, today. I am not "there" by any means, everyday it is a new decision to be my best self and every day, people help me. I want to help you too. I want to help you realize you are capable of so much more than you think you are. I want to show you that you can CHOOSE who you want to be, what you want to do (a race, a competition, a contest), and how you are going to look. We all just need someone to help guide us from time to time.
At the end of the day though, I can't put the food in your mouth or take it out. You have to be dedicated, you have to decide this is what you want and be willing to make sacrifices to get the outcome you want.
Nothing worth having is easy.
Nothing worth having is easy.
The fit mind, body, and spirit you want is waiting for you to make the decision it requires to acquire it. Stop telling yourself lies, stop giving yourself excuses. Make today your day. Monday may never come. TODAY HAS GOT TO BE THE DAY YOU FINALLY COMMIT TO CHANGE AND STICK TO IT.
What's holding you back?
Have I ever told you how much I love my job? Like seriously, I am in love with it. I *might* love it more because I don't HAVE to do it, I choose to do it. I *might* love it because I get to meet with super cool people a couple times a week and chat. I *might* love it because I get to watch people who feel like they can't, figure out that they CAN!!!
I think the third one is where it is at. Client #1 walked in tonight in work clothes, looking MUCH much smaller than she did when she first came to me a month ago. Like seriously, looked small and cute and in style in her work clothes. Client #2 walked in with a WAY smaller midsection, and was seriously busting out exercises she could barely do a month ago. Client # 3 walked in looking sad and a little sleepy but was physically looking small in the midsection (I saw her upper abs although she argued with me about it)!, smaller in the legs and butt and she was most definitely energized and happy when she left. I laughed out loud at least 6 times tonight.
I am here to tell you, YOU CAN NOT ALWAYS SEE THE PROGRESS YOU ARE MAKING! THE SCALE DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK IN YOUR FAVOR!
You are lifting weights? You are building muscle. You are shrinking your body.
You are eating nutritious food? You are fueling your body to perform at it's peak. You are shrinking your body.
My clients are making amazing progress, they are getting smaller, losing inches, losing pounds, gaining strength and each and every one of them are gaining confidence in themselves.
Dude. That's so priceless.
I wont lie. Sometimes they say things like "I hate Teri, I hate Teri." to which I reply "I love Teri I love Teri", and command 5 more deep squats, or 4 more step ups. I push you to your limits, because you CAN do so much more than you THINK you can.
I can take it, I can handle the hate because you know what... the minute they leave the gym and feel the energy rush from a good sweat session, I get a text that says "I feel fabulous." Sometimes they hate me when they have to pass up a piece of cake in the middle of the week, but when they get to Friday and they weigh in and they are down another pound or 2, I get a text that says they love me.
You know what? Healthy living, healthy eating, a regular exercise program is not acquired in a month. It takes months. It takes years. You will never wake up and think to yourself "wow, I have arrived. I can stop working on this." It is a constant choice to make the good choice. And sometimes, we screw up. Sometimes we skip a workout, sometimes we get sick, sometimes we accidently eat a piece of cake (or even 4!) (I've been there....) in the middle of the week.
Stop stressing. Realize that you are human and each meal is a new opportunity to make the best choice possible. Stop thinking you have to do everything on your own. We all need help. There are a million and five people who helped me arrive here, today. I am not "there" by any means, everyday it is a new decision to be my best self and every day, people help me. I want to help you too. I want to help you realize you are capable of so much more than you think you are. I want to show you that you can CHOOSE who you want to be, what you want to do (a race, a competition, a contest), and how you are going to look. We all just need someone to help guide us from time to time.
At the end of the day though, I can't put the food in your mouth or take it out. You have to be dedicated, you have to decide this is what you want and be willing to make sacrifices to get the outcome you want.
Nothing worth having is easy.
Nothing worth having is easy.
The fit mind, body, and spirit you want is waiting for you to make the decision it requires to acquire it. Stop telling yourself lies, stop giving yourself excuses. Make today your day. Monday may never come. TODAY HAS GOT TO BE THE DAY YOU FINALLY COMMIT TO CHANGE AND STICK TO IT.
What's holding you back?
Friday, May 4, 2012
Face The Music
Good weigh in everyone! Yay, I am so excited to see big numbers-- all ready! Now, don't get all worried and stressed out when next week you may not lose the same amount again, or you may not lose anymore at all. Weight often comes off quickly at first, but then it starts to taper off. It is then we have to dig deep and decide what sacrifices we are willing to make in order to get the results we want.
I stepped on the scale for the first time today since the show, last Friday. I weighed 119.8 sodium depleted and dehydrated. I was tiny and felt small, hungry, and thirsty. That last two weeks of prep really depletes a body and it is not healthy nor realistic to maintain that weight or look. However, it is realistic for me to maintain between 130 and 135 lbs. That weight will look and feel really good on me, if I have gained it with proper fuel.
I assure you 137 lbs this morning (17 lb gain) is not fuel. It is sugar, it is processed food, it is literally a mixture of good fuel (50%), bad bad fuel (50%), and water retention from said bad fuel. I knew today was the day I was going to step on the scale and face the damage. I enjoyed food this past week, I really really did. I also felt really really sick multiple times from the food I chose to eat. I needed the break though and I am glad I took it-- because I had taken it-- today was easy peasy to hop back on my plan. It was easy to turn down a cake pop, it was easy to decide to bring my lunch from home oppose to eating out at the play place we went to today. I needed the time to ignore the rules and just eat to eat.
I also needed to see what this cheap fuel has done to my gym performance. Remember when I told you I was busting out 5 and 6 pull ups last week (on barely any calories at all?!)... well this week, with all these added calories I thought I would meet my goal of 10 no biggie. You know how many I did?
3 was the most underhand and 1 overhand. Why?! I have more calories to fuel those workouts.......
That fuel I put in this body of mine was the cheap crap you buy at the cheap crap station. Not the expensive high quality stuff you run in your nice car. My body feels the difference and she aint about to give me 10 pull ups when I have been treating her so..... crappy.
10 underhand pullups is a really important goal to me. I remember 6th grade P.E like it was yesterday, I am sure I wasn't the ONLY one who couldn't even do one, but I remember feeling super embarrassed that I couldn't come close to one. I remember wanting to cry, even shedding some tears over it. I was also the last one to finish the track day 400 race. I was also the one every one always mentioned was "bigger" than everyone else.
Not anymore, and I am not about to go back to that place.
So today, I put my big girl panties on and I ate clean, and healthy. You want to know what I ate? I'll tell ya
meal 1
1/2 c plain old fashioned oatmeal
4 egg whites, 1 whole egg
meal 2
1 scoop whey
2 T pb2
1 c almond milk unsweetened
1/3 c plain old fashioned oats
meal 3
4 oz chicken breast
3oz broccoli
4 oz yam
(Cooked 45 minutes before I ate it so it was cold but still delish)
meal 4
5 oz salmon
4 oz asparagus
meal 5 is coming up
1/2 scoop whey
1 t almond milk
2 t PB2
4 egg whites
cooked like a pancake and topped with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter
I missed a meal, I usually eat 6 but today we woke up late so I only have time for 5. I drank a gallon of water, and also a diet dr pepper that tasted very very good.
I imagine by Monday my weight will be around 134 because the water retention should be coming off and the sugar will be starting to come out of my system, by Friday next week my goal is 130 lbs. I am on track with clean eating until my mom's wedding Saturday of next week. I am not doing this to deprive myself, I have over indulged and I don't feel well. I have come to realize that sugar does not do well with my body. It makes my face break out, makes me retain water, and it makes my stomach hurt, headaches I have been getting may or may not be sugar related. I will blame sugar because it really is the devil and does nothing good for my body, besides keeps me sane from time to time. So next Saturday I will indulge at the wedding, but not before then.
It's good to have a plan. I have always, in every aspect of life chosen to shoot for the moon with the realization that if I miss... I still land among the stars (seriously, I know you know I didn't make that up... but I remember saying it as a teenager thinking I had). I have a plan, I am not going to freak out if things don't add up just the way I think they should, and I am going to continue trying to find a good balance between living the healthy fit lifestyle I love, with living in the real world where people eat food.
What's your plan? Failing to plan is planning to fail. Tell me about what you are doing RIGHT NOW to make the results you want your reality?
I stepped on the scale for the first time today since the show, last Friday. I weighed 119.8 sodium depleted and dehydrated. I was tiny and felt small, hungry, and thirsty. That last two weeks of prep really depletes a body and it is not healthy nor realistic to maintain that weight or look. However, it is realistic for me to maintain between 130 and 135 lbs. That weight will look and feel really good on me, if I have gained it with proper fuel.
I assure you 137 lbs this morning (17 lb gain) is not fuel. It is sugar, it is processed food, it is literally a mixture of good fuel (50%), bad bad fuel (50%), and water retention from said bad fuel. I knew today was the day I was going to step on the scale and face the damage. I enjoyed food this past week, I really really did. I also felt really really sick multiple times from the food I chose to eat. I needed the break though and I am glad I took it-- because I had taken it-- today was easy peasy to hop back on my plan. It was easy to turn down a cake pop, it was easy to decide to bring my lunch from home oppose to eating out at the play place we went to today. I needed the time to ignore the rules and just eat to eat.
I also needed to see what this cheap fuel has done to my gym performance. Remember when I told you I was busting out 5 and 6 pull ups last week (on barely any calories at all?!)... well this week, with all these added calories I thought I would meet my goal of 10 no biggie. You know how many I did?
3 was the most underhand and 1 overhand. Why?! I have more calories to fuel those workouts.......
That fuel I put in this body of mine was the cheap crap you buy at the cheap crap station. Not the expensive high quality stuff you run in your nice car. My body feels the difference and she aint about to give me 10 pull ups when I have been treating her so..... crappy.
10 underhand pullups is a really important goal to me. I remember 6th grade P.E like it was yesterday, I am sure I wasn't the ONLY one who couldn't even do one, but I remember feeling super embarrassed that I couldn't come close to one. I remember wanting to cry, even shedding some tears over it. I was also the last one to finish the track day 400 race. I was also the one every one always mentioned was "bigger" than everyone else.
Not anymore, and I am not about to go back to that place.
So today, I put my big girl panties on and I ate clean, and healthy. You want to know what I ate? I'll tell ya
meal 1
1/2 c plain old fashioned oatmeal
4 egg whites, 1 whole egg
meal 2
1 scoop whey
2 T pb2
1 c almond milk unsweetened
1/3 c plain old fashioned oats
meal 3
4 oz chicken breast
3oz broccoli
4 oz yam
(Cooked 45 minutes before I ate it so it was cold but still delish)
meal 4
5 oz salmon
4 oz asparagus
meal 5 is coming up
1/2 scoop whey
1 t almond milk
2 t PB2
4 egg whites
cooked like a pancake and topped with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter
I missed a meal, I usually eat 6 but today we woke up late so I only have time for 5. I drank a gallon of water, and also a diet dr pepper that tasted very very good.
I imagine by Monday my weight will be around 134 because the water retention should be coming off and the sugar will be starting to come out of my system, by Friday next week my goal is 130 lbs. I am on track with clean eating until my mom's wedding Saturday of next week. I am not doing this to deprive myself, I have over indulged and I don't feel well. I have come to realize that sugar does not do well with my body. It makes my face break out, makes me retain water, and it makes my stomach hurt, headaches I have been getting may or may not be sugar related. I will blame sugar because it really is the devil and does nothing good for my body, besides keeps me sane from time to time. So next Saturday I will indulge at the wedding, but not before then.
It's good to have a plan. I have always, in every aspect of life chosen to shoot for the moon with the realization that if I miss... I still land among the stars (seriously, I know you know I didn't make that up... but I remember saying it as a teenager thinking I had). I have a plan, I am not going to freak out if things don't add up just the way I think they should, and I am going to continue trying to find a good balance between living the healthy fit lifestyle I love, with living in the real world where people eat food.
What's your plan? Failing to plan is planning to fail. Tell me about what you are doing RIGHT NOW to make the results you want your reality?
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Not Top 5
Just a little announcement... have you ever wanted to see a workout from me? Have you ever wondered what my training style is like? IF so, this weekend is your chance... I am going to run a bootcamp class at a local track-- charging only $5 a person (cuz I am wayyy cool like that) so you can get a little taste of my action!! Message me if you are interested. All ability levels welcome because it's bootcamp-- that means you work at your own pace!!!
So, to address the fact that "I did not place," "I wasn't top 5," "I was 7th," ""I got last place."
When I heard the MC call out top 5 and I wasn't one of them, I didn't care one tiny bit. I was just fine. I turned on my 5 inch heels and went to the dressing room-- I was going to change but realized I wanted some pictures with my man before I took off my sparkly suit. So I grabbed a girl scout cookie, downed some water and swigged some powerade and went in search of my love muffin (who I was watching the entire time I was on stage, and he made me heart so happy. He was a proud husband, and he really really thought I looked smokin!)
He came out and the first thing he said was "that was bull $hiz!" I kinda stopped for a second like "what the heck is he talkin about?!" And then I got it. He totally thought I was top 5, and he even thought 4th place was mine. I told him I didn't care. A friend came back and said the same thing-- "that was bull!" I still didn't think anything of it because I was on cloud nine. I can not even begin to explain how magical it all felt. It was just amazing! With every day that passes I love my experience even more. It was so far away from my normal, so so far out of my comfort zone, so so different than anything I have ever done. But it was so real! It was so incredible because it took so much work, so much self control, so much diligence, so much ugly hardness for one night of AMAZING! It took all I had to complete that race and I felt like the winner regardless of how I placed.
In case you forgot... please look at the upper right hand corner and remember where I originally started my transformation journey. I mean, SERIOUSLY!! Can you even believe that is possible?
I can't. I don't. I can't believe it is me. IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN DO IT!
Anyway, so as I was laying in bed not sleeping that night, I had to come up and upload all my pics. I didn't want to forget A SINGLE THING. That is when I saw the update that they had posted our placing. I mean I wasn't top 5, so it isn't like it's a big question how I placed-- I had to be either 6th or 7th, but that didn't dawn on me until I saw that I was 7th. And, then my heart hurt a little. I really was last place. They thought I looked worse than every single other girl? I was the fat kid again, the one who finished every freaking race, last.... for a few moments. And then I remembered how I had felt. Like a princess (A freaking buff ass princess). It took me a few days to really settle in with the "last place" thing.
Multiple people came up to me, I saw pics of me next to the other girls, Jon said I shouldn't have been last, my husband said it, my dad said it, everyone said it. I don't want to make excuses or take anything away from any other competitor because we all worked our butts off to be there. I more than likely worked harder than some, and maybe not as hard as others. But I worked MY hardest, and that was the best possible package I could have brought. I had nothing more to give. I did my best. I am proud of that. I think my butt looked better than several of the others, but I think their stomachs looked better than mine. I think back now, and I didn't smile enough on stage, I didn't make eye contact enough with the judges-- I didn't nail my first back pose. That all plays a role in the scoring. If I never would have known I got 7th, my heart would have never hurt at all. Someone had to take last though, and you know what-- I am glad in a way it was me, because I can take it. It doesn't hurt anymore. I know how I prepped, I know there were things on the stage I could do better next time, but I also know I felt like a million dollars and nothing can take that away from me.
And a panel of human judges judged me. Those same people could judge us today and put me as 2nd place. A different round of judges could have placed me as 5th. It is all so subjective and I wouldn't want to be in their seats either-- messing with people's hearts deciding who is "best" and who is "worst."
It is Wednesday, 5 days post show and I swear every single day I love my experience more. I heard my song from stage walking come on the radio today and I felt my heart get big and adrenaline kick in again. It was amazing, it was magical and if I wasn't the responsible, doting wife and mom that I am-- I can tell you now I would want to do another show in 6 months. I know how it works now, I know I loved it now, I know I could bring a better me to a stage in 6 months.
But, I am a wife and mom first. My family followed me on this crazy journey and I am so so thankful-- but I also know the limits that need to be set and this is one. I am a wife and mom and I feel the desire to make my family the priority-- and my fitness life the secondary. I will still train dirty, eat clean, and help anyone and everyone I can, find joy in their own personal transformation journey's, but family is everything to me-- and it always will be.
For my 40th birthday though....... Mama prepping again I'll tell ya that right now!!
So, to address the fact that "I did not place," "I wasn't top 5," "I was 7th," ""I got last place."
When I heard the MC call out top 5 and I wasn't one of them, I didn't care one tiny bit. I was just fine. I turned on my 5 inch heels and went to the dressing room-- I was going to change but realized I wanted some pictures with my man before I took off my sparkly suit. So I grabbed a girl scout cookie, downed some water and swigged some powerade and went in search of my love muffin (who I was watching the entire time I was on stage, and he made me heart so happy. He was a proud husband, and he really really thought I looked smokin!)
He came out and the first thing he said was "that was bull $hiz!" I kinda stopped for a second like "what the heck is he talkin about?!" And then I got it. He totally thought I was top 5, and he even thought 4th place was mine. I told him I didn't care. A friend came back and said the same thing-- "that was bull!" I still didn't think anything of it because I was on cloud nine. I can not even begin to explain how magical it all felt. It was just amazing! With every day that passes I love my experience even more. It was so far away from my normal, so so far out of my comfort zone, so so different than anything I have ever done. But it was so real! It was so incredible because it took so much work, so much self control, so much diligence, so much ugly hardness for one night of AMAZING! It took all I had to complete that race and I felt like the winner regardless of how I placed.
In case you forgot... please look at the upper right hand corner and remember where I originally started my transformation journey. I mean, SERIOUSLY!! Can you even believe that is possible?
I can't. I don't. I can't believe it is me. IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN DO IT!
Anyway, so as I was laying in bed not sleeping that night, I had to come up and upload all my pics. I didn't want to forget A SINGLE THING. That is when I saw the update that they had posted our placing. I mean I wasn't top 5, so it isn't like it's a big question how I placed-- I had to be either 6th or 7th, but that didn't dawn on me until I saw that I was 7th. And, then my heart hurt a little. I really was last place. They thought I looked worse than every single other girl? I was the fat kid again, the one who finished every freaking race, last.... for a few moments. And then I remembered how I had felt. Like a princess (A freaking buff ass princess). It took me a few days to really settle in with the "last place" thing.
Multiple people came up to me, I saw pics of me next to the other girls, Jon said I shouldn't have been last, my husband said it, my dad said it, everyone said it. I don't want to make excuses or take anything away from any other competitor because we all worked our butts off to be there. I more than likely worked harder than some, and maybe not as hard as others. But I worked MY hardest, and that was the best possible package I could have brought. I had nothing more to give. I did my best. I am proud of that. I think my butt looked better than several of the others, but I think their stomachs looked better than mine. I think back now, and I didn't smile enough on stage, I didn't make eye contact enough with the judges-- I didn't nail my first back pose. That all plays a role in the scoring. If I never would have known I got 7th, my heart would have never hurt at all. Someone had to take last though, and you know what-- I am glad in a way it was me, because I can take it. It doesn't hurt anymore. I know how I prepped, I know there were things on the stage I could do better next time, but I also know I felt like a million dollars and nothing can take that away from me.
And a panel of human judges judged me. Those same people could judge us today and put me as 2nd place. A different round of judges could have placed me as 5th. It is all so subjective and I wouldn't want to be in their seats either-- messing with people's hearts deciding who is "best" and who is "worst."
It is Wednesday, 5 days post show and I swear every single day I love my experience more. I heard my song from stage walking come on the radio today and I felt my heart get big and adrenaline kick in again. It was amazing, it was magical and if I wasn't the responsible, doting wife and mom that I am-- I can tell you now I would want to do another show in 6 months. I know how it works now, I know I loved it now, I know I could bring a better me to a stage in 6 months.
But, I am a wife and mom first. My family followed me on this crazy journey and I am so so thankful-- but I also know the limits that need to be set and this is one. I am a wife and mom and I feel the desire to make my family the priority-- and my fitness life the secondary. I will still train dirty, eat clean, and help anyone and everyone I can, find joy in their own personal transformation journey's, but family is everything to me-- and it always will be.
For my 40th birthday though....... Mama prepping again I'll tell ya that right now!!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Day !
New Beginnings
Hello new contestants! And new people to my blog. I thought I would do a back to the basics post for you today that might help you ramp up your success for the month. I remember the first day of my "weight loss challenge" really clearly. It was January 1st 2010 and I had a lot of basic tid bits of information, but I didn't have all the pieces for "my body" figured out yet, the way I do now. I say my body, because we are each different and what works for one will not always work for another-- but there are a few "basics" that can help anyone, anywhere get started on the right foot in their journey.
First of all, a good place to start would be to go to a free website like www.sparkpeople.com and register for an account. You can enter in your starting weight, and what your goal weight is for the end of this month and it will give you a guesstimate of the total number of calories you should consume each day. I am not a fan of calorie counting long term, but I think this is a great tool to give you an idea of how many you are consuming each day to start. A lot of people think they are eating much less than they are actually eating, and then there is the flip side-- a lot of people are ridiculously under eating which is just as detrimental. Under eating causes your metabolism to slow WAY down, and triggers your body into starvation mode. The body is very smart and will adapt to what is going on around it. For example, you start under eating and the body says "ok, time to store what I got" so it will hold on to your fat and the scale will not move.
Metabolism boosters are key. EAT EVERY 3 hours. I know there is a lot of conflicting information out there, but what I have found and what a ton of my own research and practice has found is that the typical person does best on an eating schedule of every 3 hours. This keeps the metabolism revved. You should not be eating a huge meal every three hours, but a moderate size meal with a combination of a complex carbohydrate source and a lean protein source. Get Meal IDEAS here!
Here is a great snack idea --these home made protein bars. (husband and kid approved) Store bought ones are no good, so either drink a whey protein shake mixed with water or almond milk or make your own bars like these at home. These are perfect for someone who is working or a busy mom who doesn't have time to stop and "make" a snack every day.
Nutrition (without walnuts): 1 square = 47 calories, .7 g fat, 8 g carbs, 3.7 g protein
Nutrition (with walnuts): 1 square = 63 calories, 2.3 g fat, 8 g carbs, 4 g protein
The next thing I want to talk about is not going cold turkey and getting rid of every single "unhealthy" habit you ever had. It is overwhelming and almost impossible to stick with for the long run. What I found works best is concentrating on a few "small" goals at a time, working on them for a week or so and then moving on and working on another couple of small goals at a time again. For instance, this week as a brand new weight LOSER :o) I would think about maybe, 1)switching from regular soda to diet (diet dr pepper is my brand of choice) 2) drinking at least 8 glasses of water (start your morning by chugging 2 or 3 right away!) 3) getting in the practice of eating 5 or 6 small meals a day and 4) committing to at least 30 minutes 5 days a week of some sort of exercise.
I will tell you the cold honest, truth here too. You can always count on that from me-- you will not be able to exercise your weight off. Working out for two hours a day will not compensate for what food you feed your body. YOU CAN NOT OUT TRAIN A BAD DIET. I am a personal trainer and you are hearing that out of my mouth ok? I promise, if it could be done... I'd a done it a long time ago because inside this 130 lb girl is my "inner big girl" and my "inner big girl" would eat McDonalds, pizza, cake and ice cream every day and still go to the gym every day if I COULD. BUT I can't, it wont work-- don't take a year and a half like I did to figure this out ok?! I promise you will find much more happiness and balance in your life TODAY if you will just commit to eating clean (refer to the books I spoke about in the link above to meal ideas) and exercising regularly.
Here are a few websites for the eating clean meal ideas. I think they are worth the time for you to check out, because after you try a few, you will realize that eating clean really TASTES GREAT, and is more satisfying than eating a regular ol meal, because it is GOOD for you too.
http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/
www.sparkpeople.com
also, go check out at your library or buy a copy of Tosca Reno's Clean Eating books. They are an investment that is VERY VERY worth it!
Lastly, be patient with yourself. You did not gain your weight in a month, and you will not lose it in a month. But I will tell you that with a honest effort-- of sacrificing sometimes, when you'd rather not-- you can make a big dent in your goals in the next 30 days. Don't do it alone, get involved with our group on facebook, comment here, ask questions-- you are paying me $15 dollars to facilitate this and I am MORE than happy to answer and get answers to any of your questions. I want you to find joy in this journey! Somedays will be hard, while other days "weight losing" will seem like a piece ofcake protein bars. Allow yourself to take each meal, each exercise, each day-- one at a time. And remember, I'm your biggest cheer leader.
Alright, let's kick some booty in May baby!!!
First of all, a good place to start would be to go to a free website like www.sparkpeople.com and register for an account. You can enter in your starting weight, and what your goal weight is for the end of this month and it will give you a guesstimate of the total number of calories you should consume each day. I am not a fan of calorie counting long term, but I think this is a great tool to give you an idea of how many you are consuming each day to start. A lot of people think they are eating much less than they are actually eating, and then there is the flip side-- a lot of people are ridiculously under eating which is just as detrimental. Under eating causes your metabolism to slow WAY down, and triggers your body into starvation mode. The body is very smart and will adapt to what is going on around it. For example, you start under eating and the body says "ok, time to store what I got" so it will hold on to your fat and the scale will not move.
Metabolism boosters are key. EAT EVERY 3 hours. I know there is a lot of conflicting information out there, but what I have found and what a ton of my own research and practice has found is that the typical person does best on an eating schedule of every 3 hours. This keeps the metabolism revved. You should not be eating a huge meal every three hours, but a moderate size meal with a combination of a complex carbohydrate source and a lean protein source. Get Meal IDEAS here!
Here is a great snack idea --these home made protein bars. (husband and kid approved) Store bought ones are no good, so either drink a whey protein shake mixed with water or almond milk or make your own bars like these at home. These are perfect for someone who is working or a busy mom who doesn't have time to stop and "make" a snack every day.
Pumpkin Protein Bars by Jamie Eason
Nutrition Facts:
Nutrition (without walnuts): 1 square = 47 calories, .7 g fat, 8 g carbs, 3.7 g protein
Nutrition (with walnuts): 1 square = 63 calories, 2.3 g fat, 8 g carbs, 4 g protein
Ingredients:
- ½ C Xylitol Brown Sugar Blend (Ideal) (I cheat and use stevia or regular ol brown sugar)
- 1 - 4 oz. jar baby food applesauce
- 2 tsp. ground cinnamon
- 1 ½ tsp. ground ginger
- ½ tsp. ground clove
- 1 tsp. baking powder
- 1 tsp. baking soda
- ½ tsp. salt
- 2 tsp. vanilla extract
- 4 large egg whites
- 1 - 15 oz. can of raw pumpkin
- 2 C oat flour
- 2 scoops vanilla whey protein
- ½ cup almond milk
- ½ C chopped walnuts (optional)
Directions:
- Preheat the oven to 350.
- Spray a 9 X 13 Pyrex dish with non-stick spray.
- Combine first 11 ingredients and mix well.
- Add the final 3 ingredients (4, if adding walnuts), and mix until incorporated. Spread batter into the Pyrex dish and bake for 30 min.
- Makes 24 squares.
The next thing I want to talk about is not going cold turkey and getting rid of every single "unhealthy" habit you ever had. It is overwhelming and almost impossible to stick with for the long run. What I found works best is concentrating on a few "small" goals at a time, working on them for a week or so and then moving on and working on another couple of small goals at a time again. For instance, this week as a brand new weight LOSER :o) I would think about maybe, 1)switching from regular soda to diet (diet dr pepper is my brand of choice) 2) drinking at least 8 glasses of water (start your morning by chugging 2 or 3 right away!) 3) getting in the practice of eating 5 or 6 small meals a day and 4) committing to at least 30 minutes 5 days a week of some sort of exercise.
I will tell you the cold honest, truth here too. You can always count on that from me-- you will not be able to exercise your weight off. Working out for two hours a day will not compensate for what food you feed your body. YOU CAN NOT OUT TRAIN A BAD DIET. I am a personal trainer and you are hearing that out of my mouth ok? I promise, if it could be done... I'd a done it a long time ago because inside this 130 lb girl is my "inner big girl" and my "inner big girl" would eat McDonalds, pizza, cake and ice cream every day and still go to the gym every day if I COULD. BUT I can't, it wont work-- don't take a year and a half like I did to figure this out ok?! I promise you will find much more happiness and balance in your life TODAY if you will just commit to eating clean (refer to the books I spoke about in the link above to meal ideas) and exercising regularly.
Here are a few websites for the eating clean meal ideas. I think they are worth the time for you to check out, because after you try a few, you will realize that eating clean really TASTES GREAT, and is more satisfying than eating a regular ol meal, because it is GOOD for you too.
http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/
www.sparkpeople.com
also, go check out at your library or buy a copy of Tosca Reno's Clean Eating books. They are an investment that is VERY VERY worth it!
Lastly, be patient with yourself. You did not gain your weight in a month, and you will not lose it in a month. But I will tell you that with a honest effort-- of sacrificing sometimes, when you'd rather not-- you can make a big dent in your goals in the next 30 days. Don't do it alone, get involved with our group on facebook, comment here, ask questions-- you are paying me $15 dollars to facilitate this and I am MORE than happy to answer and get answers to any of your questions. I want you to find joy in this journey! Somedays will be hard, while other days "weight losing" will seem like a piece of
Alright, let's kick some booty in May baby!!!
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