getaway

i am out and about so i just wanted to give you a couple reminders...

enjoy some food this weekend, but dont go so crazy that you gain ten lbs, because the reality is t hen you just have to work that much harder to get it off.

start a game plan. how are you going to eat? when  are you going to exercise? how will you recover if you fall off the wagon?

failing to plan is planning to fail.

remember, first official weigh in is monday january second. we will reweigh wednesday january fourth... and then every wednesday after that for the duration of the contest. dont worry if you havent lost amything by wed, i am not expecting you to. it is jjust my method of getting us on a weekly track and to keep you pumped and energized.

ten dollars is due to me by monday, tuesday at the very latest. email or text me if you need my address

Game ON

Yahhh baby!!!

Game on!!

I talked to my bootcampers tonight and enough of them were on board that I threw the idea out to facebook again and I got some takers!! So we are gonna rock this like a frickin hurricane come January 2!!

So, text/email me your weight January 2, then again January 5, and every Wednesday after! OH AND MAIL ME YOUR CHECK SO I RECEIVE IT BEFORE WEIGH IN. I aint as nice as I once was and you have to get it to me the day of the weigh in, no refunds if you fall off the wagon (Which you wont because we wont let eachother!!!) or for any other reason. We want the pot to be FULL of money so we have some good motivation.

See the side bar? This is how many people who have commited so far, so let me know if you are going to jump on this wagon and commit for the next 8 weeks to improving your physical, and mental self. This could be YOUR year, if you are willing to let it be.

Nothing worth having is easy. There will be days where you want to give up, (days you actually do give up), there will be sweat, maybe blood, maybe tears.... but at the end of the 8 weeks I guarantee you this much-- you will be better for going through this journey.

Let's do this yo!!

Last Call

So, I have been suuper busy keeping up with the holiday and family.

Having a ton of fun but am super busy.

Last call, I heard of several people that said they wanted to do the contest, but only one asked about actually giving me money, so the deal is this...

I will be MIA for a few days, please comment here, shoot me a text or email and let me know FOR SURE that you want to do the contest, and when you are going to get me the money (Due day we start) and then I will get the ball rolling.

If more than 5 people are interested we will rock this wagon, and if less I am not going to run the contest and its no biggie. It really takes a lot of time to do, so I only want to facilitate it if people are really serious about participating.

Let me know

Big Guns

Dude, I totally almost kissed one of my bootcampers tonight. She asked me how I got my arms to look like they do... she said, and I quote "I told my sister I want guns like yours."

YAAAA girl. Thanks!! She totally made my whole year, as I have been busting my booty for a year to build some guns. And I was so stoked at the gym this week because I did 3 drop sets starting at 25 lb dumbbells. Granted I only did 3 in each set, but whatever.... It took me a long time to build up to that weight.

So, a lot of people are checking in with me about our weight loss competition!!! Yay!!! I am so excited to do this with all of you! It has brought back all my fond memories from two years ago and reminded me how much I really really love helping to motivate others to become their best self. So thank you for trusting me with this!

I changed the start date, mostly because I don't want to bog myself down before my brother in law heads back for bootcamp. STARTING weigh in day will be MONDAY JANUARY 2nd. and FINAL weigh in will be WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 29th.

We will weigh in every WEDNESDAY by noon, so I can have results posted by afternoon on the blog. You can email me your weights by text, phone, or email.

You can not use any extreme dieting measures. NO HCG (Don't even get me started here), no meal replacements, cleanses or anything else that you think might fall in to this catergory. Good ol clean, healthy eating for this competition.

Anyone can win! Whoever loses the highest percentage of pounds in the set time will win, for example a 150 lb person who loses 10% (or 15 lbs) will beat a 190 lb person who lost only 5% (10 lbs).

You can skip/miss one weigh in during the duration of the competition... if more are missed you are automatically disqualified from winning.

Winner must send in a picture of the scale weight on the final weigh in to prove weight.

Hmmm, I can't think of any other rules right now, if you think of anything I need to add let me know!

So, like I have said before. Enjoy the season and the magic that comes with it. Don't stress yourself silly over "Staying perfectly on track" rather, use common sense and realize that moderation is the key to most things.

Can't waite to get to work with you soon!!

When You're Ready

I have been thinking a lot about people's negativity towards new years resolutions. I myself do not make a "resolution" on New Years, as I have said before I am more of a "change maker" on my birthday. The birthday that celebrates "my" new year.

But the world makes new years resolutions and I have already heard people griping and whining about others attempts at "losing weight, again" with the annoyance/dread in their voice that says "you say you are going to do something, and you aren't."

The negativity and the condescending tone aggravates me to a high degree. So I am going to warn you all about this and give you a good coping mechanism for dealing with "nay sayers."

First of all, if this is truly your goal... to lose a few pounds, to eat healthier or exercise more-- I assure you loud and clear there are going to be at least a handful of people that try to stand in your way or at least be a bump in your road. People are afraid of you changing and the way it will affect them. I see it all the time in marriages. One partner is trying hard to "be good" while the other is putting a guilt trip on them for leaving to go to the gym, or for not eating this "treat" with them.

You have to make the decision to make a positive change in your life for yourself. If you are trying to lose weight, eat healthier, or exercise more for someone other than yourself, you need to check out another blog because you need some guidance counseling... and I got nothin up in that area for ya. If this is going to be your year, the year where you really stick to a new plan and change your lifestyle, it has to be a conscious decision based solely on your desire to be your best self. Nobody is going to get up at 5 am and hit the gym with you, nobody is going to take that sugar cookie or french fry out of your mouth, and nobody (regardless of what some may think) gives a crap how much the scale says when you step on it. YOU HAVE TO CARE.

So get yourself through the holiday and enjoy all that comes with the magic of Christmas. As my little children are getting so excited for the big day when Santa stops by and leaves a present and a stocking full of tinkers, I am reminded how special this time of year is. Believing in the magic and the good. I am enjoying every minute with my babies, realizing that they will only be 2 and 4 years old once. I am, and I recommend you, prepare yourself for when January 1st does get here to tighten up a bit, and maybe for some of you-- make some brand new changes that will enrich your life for years to come.

If people in your life are dragging you down and doubting you-- I recommend one of two things. Cross them off your list of people you surround yourself with, or use their doubt to fuel your ferocity in your new lifestyle. Remember, REMEMBER, health HAS to be a lifestyle. It can not be a "diet" because a diet dies, only a lifestyle can remain into the new year and for many new years to come.

Last Session

I had my last training session with Big Jon today. It's hard for me to be ok with being done, because I have learned so much along the way, and He and his wifey are just so likeable.... but for now, it is time to be done.

He swore at me today, I felt like he slapped me. He said "You need to take 2 weeks off of training all together and let your body recoop and recover. You will come back better and stronger, ready to train harder if you do." I argued with him for a few minutes but after we talked it through, and I revealed to him and myself that I haven't had more than two days off since January 1 2010-- I decided he might be right. I might just have a refreshed and rejuvenated out look on all things fitness and health related.

He hasn't led me astray yet. I think I will break the 24th of Dec til January 2. DANG!!! That sounds so nuts. But sorta exciting at the same time.

Thinking about all that got me thinking about how much I LOVED when I facilitated the weight loss challenges in January and March of 2010. Two years ago!! I can't believe it has been that long ago all ready. Time flies.

Anyway, I think I am going to start up a round again in January if I have more than 5 people interested. I will be changing some stuff up, and of course I am better, faster, stronger, and smarter now so this might be of some real benefit to people. I will still structure the same way, weighing in one time a week (Wednesday)- go for 8 weeks- have tips and tidbits and challenges- have everyone enter in 10 bucks, winner with losing highest percentage of weight will take pot home. I will be entering in by weighing in with you each week, but wont be adding money to the pot for two reasons.
a. I don't want to lose weight anymore
b. It actually takes a lot of time and energy to facilitate and record all this so my ten bucks will be my pay. haha. I will not be eligible to win.

So, what do you think? Are you interested? I don't care who joins, the more the merrier (and the richer the winner will be), first weigh in will be December 28th (Wednesday) and final weigh in will be February 29th.

I said it before and I will say it again. The best gift you can give yourself is the gift of health. Devote two months of your life to this competition and see where dedication, hard work, and some guidance can take you. I promise you-- you will not regret a workout or a sound nutrition plan that helps you look and feel good.

Tell your friends, and let me know if you are interested! You can find me on facebook, comment here, or email me!

For my Bootcampers

Hi bootcampers, I few people have been asking for some nutrition advice so I thought I would throw together a little info sheet that might be helpful to you.


First of all, do not think you need to eliminate carbohydrates from your diet or cut calories drastically. That is a lie and it needs to die.

You can go to sparkpeople.com (A free website) and enter in your information to get a good guesstimate of the calories per day you should eat. I do not count calories, I think it is annoying and time consuming—but some people have good luck with it and this is a great resource if you like to. *a rule of thumb is to take your goal weight x 10 and add 300 calories on light exercise days, and 500 calories on heavier) so my goal weight is 130- on lighter days my calorie goal would be 1600 and on heavier 1800.

Where should you get your calories from?

It is lie that you can eat things like cookies, ice cream, french fries and look lean or muscular as long as you stay in your calorie range. If your goal is to look lean (not skinny, but have muscle tone that shows) then you should eliminate processed foods, sugar, and high sodium foods. Bodies at 135 lbs look very different based on body fat percentages, which directly relates to the nutrition you feed your body.

I highly recommend Tosca Reno’s Eat Clean books, there are several out, most recently one titled Just the Rules. I checked it out at the library, but you can buy it almost anywhere and is a great investment. She discusses the following outline in more detail.

Ok, so you need to be eating every 2.5 to 3 hours smaller portions. A good rule of thumb is to eat a lean protein and a healthy carb together. You can do fruit, vegetables (A lot of these, especially green ones), and healthy fats in moderation.


Examples:

Lean protein: chicken breast, ground turkey, ground beef, pork loin, non fat greek yogurt (plain is best and sweeten yourself with vanilla and stevia or truvia, both are natural sweetners), cottage cheese (1% milk fat is usually best), whey protein (I buy Muscle Milk protein at Costco for 40 dollars, good bang for the buck. There are better less processed proteins out there, but this one tastes good and is reasonably priced so we use it.), eggs (whites are better than whole)


Carbohydrates: 100% whole grain or whole wheat bread, old fashioned oats, sweet potatoes, brown rice, brown rice cakes, fruits (fruits best if fresh, or frozen... cannned not as good), whole wheat pasta, whole wheat tortilla. Eliminate white bread and white flour as much as you can, I still eat white flour in baked goods but I eat these pretty sparingly.

Vegetables: any, greener the better—best to do peas, carrots, corn in moderation

Healthy fat: avocado, nut butters, non salted nuts


Breakfast examples:

1.1/2c oats, 3 egg whites (garnish oats with a few berries and nuts, egg whites plain, with salsa, or veggies. (I have eaten this literally almost every day for over a year)

2. Scrambled eggs with salsa and whole wheat toast

Lunch:

1.Whole wheat tortilla, chicken breast cut up, veggies cut up, avocado and salsa

2.Chicken breast, broccoli, ½ c brown rice

Snacks:

1.Cottage cheese with fruit,

2.two rice cakes with peanut butter (1 tbsp each),

3.whey protein shake with fruit,

4.veggies and hummus,

5.toast with peanut butter,

6.boiled egg whites (3ish) and a fruit

7. plain non fat greek yogurt (sweeten like I said above) with homemade granola and berries



Dinner:

This meal is hardest because best to avoid carbohydrates at this time

Omelets, chicken breast, steak, stews, pork loin, etc. Basically pick a lean protein and vegetables


Right before bed good to take a couple bites of cottage cheese or drink a protein shake.


Exercise tidbits:

Stop doing 20 hours of cardio every week!! Lift weights, heavier the better! You will not get bulky, do not worry!

Cardio should be limited to 30 minutes daily outside of classes, and it is great to do your cardio as a HIIT (high intensity interval training) session. Go 1 minute HARD, 1 minute RECOVER, for the duration of your session time. You can vary the speed and resistance to keep this interesting and fun.

I would HIGHLY recommend everyone doing atleast 30 minutes of weight training out in the weight area at least 3 times a week. Ask me if you want some guidance here as well.


• Doing cardio will shrink your current body, but it will still look the same- just smaller. Lifting heavy weights will tighten your current body, making less room for fat and make your whole physique appear very different/better.


I am on facebook, you can find me and we can be friends on there if you have any questions, I also have a weight loss blog that I have used for the past two years... check it out if you are interested. http://www.poundpinching2010.blogspot.com/

Thanks for being in my class! I love you all and am so thankful for your friendships and that you continue to come and work hard week after week. I enjoy working out with you all so much!

Opportunities

I had a great night with my bootcampers last night. I love my class and the people who come week in and week out. They are all getting stronger and faster... sometimes even beating me in sprints. Which, sorta bruised my ego at first, but the more I think about it, the more proud I become.

I turned down some opportunities to work outside my home this past month. A few have come my way and although it was hard to say no, I feel like the best place for me right now, is at home with my main priority of teaching and loving my babies.

I have people come up to me all the time wanting training and nutrition advice. There was a time in my life, that I would have been the last person anyone would ask for advice like that. It makes me happy that people are learning how much I love the fitness and health industry and that I am bursting at the seams to share the information I have acquire along the road.

I am grateful for the people at the gym I have come to call my friends. I hope that as you make your journey in the healthy lane that you will always remember the people who have helped you along the way, and that you will be willing to share your knowledge with others as well. Just like it takes a village to raise a child, I believe it takes a village to maintain a healthy fit lifestyle. Sorround yourself with like minded, goal oriented people and like I tell my bootcampers, Don't you ever quit-- especially not when you are half way through. It's mental, push through it.

Make it a great week, do not ignore yourself and your "you" time as this month gets busy with the hustle and bustle. There is no time like today, to care for your body. It's the only one your gonna get.

Remember?

That time I told ya'll that nothing in this whole wide world was as important as my beautiful, eternal family?

It's totally understandable now huh?

Love.this.life.

Don't take it for granted.

You know you are hardcore when...

You put on a button up shirt from last year, and it is tight on your arms.

And you don't cry.

You smile with enthusiasm because baby, you got guns!!!

It's a great day at my house.

Welcome to Real

LIFE!

Posts like yesterday happen to all of us, right? I follow Pauline something or other, like the most ripped shredded girl I have ever seen in my whole life and even she has days where she is ticked off and tripped up over her body and the way it responds.

Well, I just want you to know it's real. Being a healthy fit person comes with ups and downs and twists a long the way. It isn't always easy, and in fact I would venture to say that most the time it isn't easy-- to batch cook food, to fit in workout time, to make a healthy choice. I hope for your sake and your sanity though, that you have more ups than downs.

I am grateful for today, the day that I feel ok with the way I look. I realize I am not perfect, that I am no better than you or her, but right now-- I am my best self because that is what I am striving for. And I am perfect in the eyes of my Heavenly Father, and so are you.

Always remember that the image in the mirror plays mind games with you. The image you see is not even close to as beautiful as you truly are-- and honestly, the person you are on the inside is still so much more important.

Do not forget that healthy living is a lifestyle, it needs to fit into your daily life-- not be your daily life. 98% of us will never make a living from eating healthy or working out, so remember not to pressure yourself into looking like someone who does.

Hey, you!! Don't forget this, today or ever.....

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!

Fear

My husband and I made a little pact the day of thanksgiving, we would enjoy treats that day- but come Friday we were swearing them off until Christmas Eve.

That is about a month. 30 days no sugar. Totally doable.

I have felt good- no intense cravings. Like I read on a post, we don't naturally crave sugar. Just like everyone doesn't crave alcohol (Those who don't drink), drugs (those who don't do them), or caffiene (those who don't partake). We teach ourselves to crave them by continuing to consume them. So therefore, we can teach ourselves not to crave sugar by avoiding it.

I ate well all weekend. Not exactly on my meal plan-- but honestly my meal plan is becomming something of the past. It isn't ideal for me to have to eat perfectly at every meal on this plan. I can still make good, clean choices though and that I have been doing.

So then, why do my underwear feel so tight? Why do my pants feel tight? Why does my skin feel looser?

I went to bed feeling fat. I woke up feeling fat. I am sitting here feeling fat. I did feel ok at the gym this morning though.

I asked my husband why he thinks this is? Why do I feel so fat? Even at 128lbs I felt fat, that is 10 lbs less than now. So what is so wrong with me mentally that I feel fat?

Is it the fact that I strive for perfection? Is it the fact that I compare myself to everyone around me and I still feel like the chubby kid on the inside? Is it the fact that I do not want to be egotistical and admit that I look good?

I remember that my mom has always lacked confidence in herself. I remember as a young girl thinking she was skinny but her always not feeling skinny. I think now as an adult that it drives me crazy she doesn't realize how pretty and what a nice body she has for being 52. I think all the time how lucky I will feel if I look as good as she does at 52.

Did she accidently teach me to lack confidence? It can't really be blamed on her at this point because I am a freaking adult and I know better. But still, do we as a society of women FEAR being ok, being good, being great? Do we subconsiously put ourselves down out of fear of others thinking we are egotistical?

Do I do this?

I think to myself on one hand, "it is ridiculous to wear a size 5 pant, workout everyday, have muscle tone and feel fat," I also think to myself "who cares if you are fat, you are a mom and moms aren't supposed to be skinny."

If I see someone else at my size or even bigger I almost always think they look great. Why are we, women so hard on ourselves. Why is it ok to feel fat? It might be better to not feel anything at all. To be indifferent to the way I look.

I don't have an answer today. It is one of those days I really really wish I did. I always tell people to look in the mirror and realize that they look 100% better than they "think" they look as they see their reflection. We are our own worst critic. I know this. But yet, I am still sitting here feeling fat.

It isn't healthy, their is no cause or effect. It just is what it is. I have always felt this way on the inside, and as a younger me-- I was fat on the outside too. I am thinner on the outside now, but on the inside I still feel like that overweight girl. Will that ever subside? I do not know.

16%

Big Jon did the deed today.

Measured the ol body fat. At first he totally freaked me out because he was like "what's your chest size usually?" Uh.... 34 in my bra I said. He measured again. "Weird, you have gone up 5 inches"

Dude. At this point sweat started dripping from every pore of my whole body! Really?! 10 lbs heavier and I gain freakin 5 inches of fat on my chest/back??!?!!?

Dude. Wrong folder I told him, that's your girl who just competed this weekends folder.

Phew.

I could breathe again, he thought that was sorta funny. I am up 3% body fat, at 16.5% now. Where I started when I first went to him, which is weird to me because I still feel so much more lean than I did then. Added an inch on my stomach (feels like 5 inches there when I look in the mirror) and 2 inches I think he said on my butt.

Which I sorta secretly like my butt bigger. I never had a butt. A lady today said "you have a butt most girls dream of, I bet your husband likes that" (Well there was more but for the purpose of not being too awkward I'll leave it at that).

I pretty much walked around the whole rest of the day pushing my butt out further.

Isn't it so nice to have someone notice your body changing for the better? I mean, really. It put a little extra skip in my step to hear her say that to me. Remember that, if you notice someone rocking the weight loss wagon... go ahead and tell them they are amazing.

So 16% made me sad. A little sad. I know I determine what that number says not by the amazing workouts I put in, but by the lack of fireworks worth of food I put in my mouth. Only I can change that number and only I have to be ok with the number as well.

Today was a bomb.com workout and eating day. Tomorow is scheduled too, my bootcampers better watch out because we are gonna WORK.IT. since we don't have class Thursday.

I am preparing for Thursday by keeping the food nice, tight and clean-- going big on workouts and allowing myself Thanksgiving day to really enjoy the food and the family time. We can have our cheats as long as we prepare and work for them.

What are you doing to prepare for the day of thanks?!

Get Ready to Rock

It's Sunday, rest day... which means I am getting ready and fired up for my week's worth of workouts.

Yaaaaa guuuuuuurl.

Tomorow I see Big Jon (won again at his 2nd body building show --woop woop) and the rest of the week it is work it, work it at the club.

Killer training going down last week. Heavier weights, faster stair climbing, higher hills.....

Perfect eating, oh... until my birthday. And then well the eating wasn't that good this week. Next week will be hard too, but you know what? A quote comes to mind that I will paraphrase because, well I can't remember it all....

"...the difference between being interested in something and being commited to something is that when you are interested you do it when it's convenient, when commited...." well you know what you do when you're commited... you do it.

So this week, what's your plan? Are you going to be one of the "average" people who put on 5 to 10 lbs from thanksgiving to New Years? I sure as heck am not going to be. I have 3.5 days of good perfect eating coming my way, then a thanksgiving day meal, and then back on track. Easy as that. One day does not ruin diets. One holiday, two holidays neither.

Are you commited? Are you ready to shape your body and your life? What are you commited to.

Haha, and for the record thanks to all you who voted on my poll (all 7 of you haha) and to the one who says "pshhh you got nothin" please send me your picture and your current workout regimin. I know I posted the answers you could choose, but for some reason seeing you choose that one makes me think a. you are a rude brat or b. you are a rude brat.

Yep, that's sorta my conclusion. And if I'm wrong, maybe you can enlighten me and teach me to be the sorta trainer a person might want to hire.

Please answer my poll, and read my post below-- It's New Today as Well!

We're gonna Party like it's your....

birthday.

Yeah, I may have been rockin that song to and from the gym tonight. Because, my birthday officially started at 3 pm today when I told my 4 and 2 year old if they sang "happy birthday" to me, we could eat a piece of the birthday cake I made myself for tomorows work food day.

They rocked happy birthday like nobody's business. And my 4 year old princess even added in "happy birthday dear gorgeous" on the first go around and "happy birthday dear beautiful mama hama" on the second round. She scored half of her brother's piece extra for that one.

My husband kept telling the kids to stop singing to me because my birthday is tomorow. But, really, in all honesty, I was being pretty contained by waiting til today to bust out the ol "it's my birthday" jazz.

Bootcamp tonight. Love my peeps. 16 tonight and that is a full house for my class room. We lifted heavy and we did some cardio bursts in between.... it was pretty much rockin.

Tomorow morning is 7 am trash my legs day in honor of my 26th birthday. Can't.waite.

Can I just tell you that I feel younger now then I did at 19 or 20? I mean, this workin out and eatin clean stuff makes a girl feel good.... inside and out.

I got bad news today that a friend of my husbands family's husband died. (did that make sense?) A girls husband died this week. She is my age, has a 4 year old, 2 year old, and an 8 month old. Her husband died in a car accident on the way to his new job. She is left alone with out the love of her life and with three babies. I can not begin to fathom how horrific this must be. My heart is so sad for this little family. Although, I know that families are forever and that they can be together again in heaven... this earthly life is a long road to waite to meet again until then.

I can't even think about how my heart would break if something were to happen to my husband, or my children. This life is short, but without the people we love and live for.... it would seem long I think.

So, I ask you. Are you ready to make a new years resolution today? Are you ready to take the best care of yourself so that depending only on yourself-- you can be the happiest and healthiest person who is around for your family for the longest possible time? Freak accidents happen, but diseases usually don't just happen-- they are the results, a lot of times, of the way we have treated our bodies.

Take care of the only body you are ever going to get. Eat right, exercise daily, nourish your mind and your spirit. Need help? Don't know where to start, I'd be happy to point you in a direction.

Happy birthday to all of us, because today is another day we are blessed to receive and live. Hug your families close and don't take a minute for granted. Worlds can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

Don't forget it.

Do yourself a Favor and READ THIS!!!

think {pretty} thoughts: food prison.: I feel like we live in prison with food sometimes. There's a fence...we tend to think of it like this- we're on one side or the other. O...

Aint Nobody Gonna Hold Me Down

Isn't it a great day?

It's Sunday, the day I spend with my family focusing on the love of our Heavenly Father and all the blessings he has bestowed upon us. And today, I really, really see so many things he has blessed ME with. One of the best parts about my faith is the fact that I know without a doubt that my Heavenly Father knows ME, knows my needs, my concerns, He is aware of me every moment of every day. There was a time that I didn't know this quite as well as I do today. There was a time, only a few months ago even where I chose to not pray for help or guidance for things in regards to my fitness and health because I figured Heavenly Father didn't really care whether I ran faster, got bigger muscles, or ate with more self control... but a really good friend shed some light on this topic for me. A girl with one of the most amazing, inspiring testimony's of the Lord's love for his children, she said "I know, that what is important to us, is important to Him."

And so I have spent this Sabbath day marveling at the fact that I am a daughter of a King who loves me and thinks I am important, beautiful and strong. He loves me for who I was, who I am today and He loves me even more, because He knows of the person I am capable of becomming.

I do not workout on Sunday's, with the exception of maybe a leisurly walk or jog. Today the rest from the gym jam was exactly what I needed because tonight when I got my next two weeks worth of training emailed to me from Big Jon I was like a kid in a candy store. I AM SO EXCITED for my workouts this week. Seriously, like giddy.

Why, can't I be that excited about my new nutrition plan?

I think I need to pray about that!

In all seriousness though, I had a great week of training and eating last week. This week I am preparing for, is going to be a hard one to stay on nutritional track, it is my BIRTHDAY. Please feel very fortunate that I do not know you, my reader, that well. Because if I did, I would definitly have been reminding you for the past two weeks that my birthday is this week. I have always been this way, since I was a kid. Something about my birthday has always been so magical.

I remember, it must have been my 20th birthday. Driving to the gym in my ol Chevy Cavalier before I went to my classes for the day. I distinctly remember thinking that birthdays are the days people should set their "new years resolutions," because it really is their new year. That was the year I set mine, I would get healthy, exercise more, and take care of myself better than ever. I have been on and off the path since then, more on than off I'd venture to say.

But since last year, I can honestly say this has been my year of health and fitness. The year I made health and fitness a priority in my busy life, and although sometimes this brings sadness when goals are not met or progress hasn't come as quickly as I'd like-- it has brought more happiness and a big sense of self pride I never knew before.

I have two bootcamps to teach this week, helping my dad all day at work one day, my birthday and the midnight showing of the Twilight series (holla!) this week. Lots of funs, lots of reasons to celebrate and I am not going to miss out on any of it! I can't waite for all of it. I will train hard, I will enjoy the company of friends and family and I will eat what I feel like eating. Then I will get back on track-- nourishing and fueling my body the way it needs to be taken care of.

It is just so great to be excited to get to the gym and train, and Wednesday the big birthday is "leg trashing" day according to Big Jon. Happy Birthday to me and my legs. I.can't.waite.

There is no time like now, to become the best we can be. No time like now to look around and thank the Lord above for all that we have been blessed with. No time like now to take care of the body the Lord loaned us. So the question is not when, but it is how.

How are you going to take care of your body, you have been loaned, today?

Thoughts to chew on

Recently I have been asked a few questions that I thought were very thought provoking. As a person who is concerned about my healthy and appearance it is interesting to really delve into these and think about my true answers. Feel free to share what your thoughts are too, I would love it!

First of all,
If you were a naturally "thin" person. Would you eat good, healthy food and exercise as much as you do now.
*I am not naturally a thin person, by the standard set by the media and other influences. Although according to the BMI chart, I am just barely squeezing into the healthy range. Which is interesting to me even there, that at (I am guessing) 14% body fat and 137 lbs (This morning) I am almost to the overweight catergory. Really? I don't know about that, the BMI chart is a whole other question for another day.
Anyway, according to what is on tv I am not a thin person -naturally so I have to religiously excercise good nutrition and exercise habits to maintain my frame, which I still religiously complain about. I do venture to think that if I were naturally skinny, I would eat worse than I do now, (I love me some processed junk food people) and I would exercise possibly half as much as I do now.

A friend of my dad's said "I remember seeing you all those times as your grew up and never once thought you were fat, though, I don't remember thinking you were skinny either. And not skinny is not the same as thin"
*This is very true. I do believe as an "average" girl I feel a little medioce. If that makes sense. Like, I am just a girl. Not "that skinny girl" or that "heavy girl." Maybe some would feel like that was a compliment, and while I know it was meant that way, it makes me feel mediocre in yet one other area of my life. If I could work a little harder, I could be that "skinny" girl.

Is the appreciation of your physique more important when coming from the same sex or the opposite?
*This was very provoking for me, an almost 26 year old wife and mom. I think both mean a lot to me. A guy turning to appreciate my look is a ego boost, as if "I am still pretty, or I am still more than "just" a mom or wife." But a females appreciation of my body is a big ego boost in another noncompetitive way. That we are on the same team, and she notices that I look good, even more appreciated when it is known how hard I work to look the way I do look.

Which brings me to the point that when or if anyone ever says "but it's easy for you" or that "if I only had as much time as you do"-- I get extremely annoyed. Being commited to showing up to the gym after you had to turn around and pick up your bag because you forgot it, or get up at 5 am because the kids are sick and daycare isn't an option, or going even when I feel sick is not ever easy-- but it is what one does when they are commited to exercise and giving themselves the time they deserve to improve their strength and condition. And being a stay at home mom would to some seem like I have loads of time on my hands, but I assure you between a husband, kids, preschool, church and all the responsibilities and jobs that come with those things, I do not ever have an excess of time on my hands. I learn to prioritze just like everyone else does.

In this world of beautiful, air brushed women on covers of every magazine and on every tv commercial it is interesting to me that we all are really truly striving to look that way, that we as a culture have accepted them to be the "normal" when in actuality the way they look isn't even the way they really look. It is infuriating in a lot of ways. Motivating to try to get there, to their amazing perfection-- but almost literally impossible. Even the thinnest, best looking, buffest person is almost always air brushed on an advertisement. And we as the real "normal" people of America are making ourselves sick over trying to achieve this "ideal." It is important to remember that mental health is as important is physical health and we must be very careful not to teeter too close to the edge of striving for unrealistic expectations for the "normal population" of people in the world.
(And we must also remember that most of the people we see on tv, in ads etc are making their livings looking the way they look. They pay their bills that way, we should not expect to look the way they look on the fact that we are not relying on our physiques or appearances to make or break our bank account for the month).

Happy November

Today a beautiful, cold day in November I was so happy as I climbed those stairs at the gym for 30 minutes.

Why you might wonder? Why would one seemingly normal girl be so happy on a stair climber for 30 minutes?

It wasn't the stairs making me smile I'll tell you that! Speaking of that, you should know that although I am happy I am capable of actually performing on the stair mill, I do not enjoy walking/jogging up stairs for 30 minutes. It is just part of life that must be done.

Anyway, I was so happy today because the gym was PACKED.

Do you know what that means? That people are working out, that they are exercising NOW instead of waiting until January like a lot of others. I am so happy! Bootcamp has been BUSY! 12 to 15 people a night, and it is so great! There is never a time like RIGHT NOW to exercise and take control of your health.

So keep making this crazy girl smile on the stair climber, so other people can continue wondering why I have that crazy grin on my face.

Trials

So the past month has been a journey. I look back to the 2 months of intense (for me) prep and think, "it really wasn't very hard at all." But then I remember back to how much I hated it and wanted it to be over when I was in the moment.

Isn't that just how life goes? That in the moment it seems like whatever it is, is SO hard, SO time consuming, SO horrible but later you think to yourself that it wasn't so hard, that it didn't take that much time, or that it was actually easy?

I think trials in life are like that. That they are more than we can handle at the given time, but later we feel bigger, better, stronger for going through the experience?

Well, Big Jon was a trial for me in himself. haha.

I realize now how much he taught me about lots of things. Food, exercise, planning, and my physique.

First of all, food. I always thought that I could achieve this figure that I wanted if I didn't eat "bad" food. But the reality is, that even "good" or "clean" food still has calories and a lot of time, more calories than a regular ol "bad" food. What Jon taught me is that if I eat certain "good" foods, and cheat one time a week-- I can have the figure I want. If I dabble in "bad" foods throughout the week, all week long, I can not have the figure I always wanted and the fat will creep back on.

Exercise. I thought go hard or go home. Negative boss. Intervals, and slow and steady fasted cardio. Really? I can't go as hard on fasted cardio, well-- that's ok because if I am fasted from the night before and didn't eat carbs late, I go to fat burning. So I can feel good about 20 or 30 minutes of lower impact intervals as soon as I roll out of bed in the morning-- because I am burning my fat!! Who doesn't want to burn fat?! And building muscle, lifting weights-- I used to speed through my workouts moving as quickly and efficiently as I could, but he would tell me "lifting is to build muscle, not lose fat-- so if you can speed through you aren't lifting heavy enough".

Planning. Jon is big about planning your food, having a plan so that you can avoid temptations (sitting out of events if it is too much stress, not feeding the kids ice cream because it tempts me... I belive he said one time-- "what wrong with broccoli for a kid" lol. I still laugh at it. But guess what? My kids are eating broccoli, and they also don't usually get a meal without a small serving of fruit and veggie with it. He also says "Stick to the plan all week, and then cheat with WHATEVER you want one time a week." And he really meant whatever, I would tell him what I had (and I wouldn't leave anything out) and he would say good, did you enjoy it? However Big Jon taught me to relax a little in other ways, that really no one else could...

I schedule my days weeks ahead of time, if I can do it a month ahead I am even happier. But that just didn't work for Jon. And because I wanted/needed/paid for his help, I had to do some things-- his way. Which meant that sometimes I didn't know what day I was going to train until 2 days before, which did cause some anxiety, but it always worked out. And I always showed up, and he always showed up. And never, not once did I leave a workout thinking that he could have worked me harder, or I could have worked harder.

He also taught me that food is just food. Fuel. It doesn't have to me some big freaking firework occasion everytime you eat. If it is, it probably isn't fueling your body to look the way you want it to. He reminded me of something I read on a fitness guru's blog. "What is with every commercial acting like they are having an orgasm from eating their chocolate, cookie, or big mac?" haha that always keeps my laughing. But it's true-- is broccoli, brown rice, and chicken an orgasm in my mouth? Hell no it's not, but it makes my real orgasm better because it makes me look the way I want to look naked. (wow, that was TMI huh?)

I used to think personal trainers were a joke. And I still do think a lot are. Honestly, I have said it before and I will say it again. If I am in better shape then the trainer, I don't want to talk. I think about people coming to my bootcamp class, and how I want to be the most motivating person in the room. I want them to want to look like me. Not only does Jon talk the talk, but he walks the walk, and I like that. Him and his wife are the fitness industry, they don't just research it and tell others how to do it-- they do it. So, my opinion has changed of personal trainers and I will say that keeping yourself in check and on track, is easier when you have someone who is going to ask you once a week what the scale said, or how much you lifted, or if you got your cardio sessions in.

And there's no point lying to Big Jon. I am going to go see him tomorow morning and he is going to know I ate candy on halloween, because he knows about nutrition and how it affects the physique. He probably wont even ask, but I'll know he knows. Which is what has me 100% on track today!! My face is a little swollen, and my muscluar definition isn't quite as good as it should be, because of the water retention from sugar.

So, there you have it. Big Jon was one of my trails in life, but just like every other trial, I have come out better, smarter, stronger and happier for going through it. And I recommend, if you can, hiring a trial of your own, in Big Jon. The holidays are coming up, and I know you, you are like me-- you want to look good when you see your family for the first time in a year, and you want to be the hot wife attending that Christmas party with your husband.

As a good friend says, there is no reason to be sad about the way we look, if we are working to change it.

So, are you ready for the party? Are you ready for family pictures? It's true, we are what we eat, we feel like what we eat.

I say-- Bring on the family photos!!

I'm baaaccck!

Well Hello,

Thanks to all 4 of you who were concerned that my blog went private and you weren't invited to view it. Thanks for worrying about me!!!


I made it private to everyone because I needed to take a little break. I wasn't ready to delete it, I need to print it and keep it all for my journal experience. And I wasn't sure if I might decide to come back and be mature on here again.

I got a love/hate letter from one of my very best friend after my last post. I deleted it, or I'd share it here with you because it really was helpful/productive for me to read, although it hurt at the time.

It said something like "wake the heck up, stop complaining, stop whining. You are barbie size (really, she obviously hasn't seen Barbie, barbie is anorexic with no mucles... so she was really lucky at this point I didn't go taekwondo on her.... I am freaking buff yo!) if you eat crap, you gain weight. You know that. There are people everywhere who are working their butts off that have a lot of weight to loose and you are complaining over 5 lbs. That post doesn't sound like the you I know. You are resentful that your world is revolving around your family, that is how it should be isn't it? I don't think it's the food that is the problem, what is the root. How do you feel? You are beautiful and I think you need to pray to Heavenly Father to see yourself the way he sees you."

Dude.

I cried, a little. Then I thought about being mean to her!! Then I read it again, and again, and again.

And I realized she was right. That wasn't me. My whole personality wasn't really me anymore. So I needed a break to remember who I was, who I wanted to be, and how I was going to accomplish this task of getting back to being that girl.

I haven't done that well really. I have tried a little bit hard though.

I am still eating not as healthy as I should be. I am still indulging too much. I am still training hard at the gym. I weigh 136.7 pounds, which is almost 9 lbs higher than my lowest weight.

But I am not sweating it. I have been facing my food fears. hehe that sounds a little crazy. But I have been working so hard on taking the "Guilt" away from food. If I eat, I don't think about it again. I try to just enjoy what I am having, and I remind myself that this is a season of life and there are going to be more seasons and more opportunity's for growth and change.

I can cry about the bad choices, or I can be proud of the good ones, and work harder to be my best self in the next moment I am given.

There really are so many people out there who aren't as blessed with a frame they love, or who have sicknesses, or ailments that prevent them from losing weight, from exercising or from choosing to be healthy. (Ok, don't go crazy here, I also think some people are lazy and they choose to use excuses of health problems to be fat. Oh, that word is so harsh. You get my drift. sorry).

So, right now, today I am working on balancing life and being my best self. That was my motto for ever and a day ago and I sorta forgot. But I am only here, on this earth- in this home- in this family- on this journey to make myself into the best possible person I can become, in order to return to live in Heaven with my Father above at the end.

I can work to be my best in all apsects of my life and to balance all the things that are important to me, keeping them in line with what is important to the Lord.

So it's a new journey right here. This blog will probably continue to be a journal of mine, but I will also throw in some inspiration for you, some tips maybe, and some stories. Because that is interesting, and inspiring. Sometimes I come to this blog just to see what the people on my side bar are doing, because I need a little extra push to get moving to make a good healthy choice... and if I can be that extra push for any of you- well then that is something I can be proud of.

Just a little food for thought: Today was the day of my first show I was prepping for, I am ok with it. Only posting to tell you my trainer won 1'st place in his class for body building!! I am so excited! He is a dream of a trainer and has worked his butt off to transform his body from a strong man competitor to a body builder. He really looks amazing. I am so stoked for him, see his blog on my side bar if you are interested.

Resentment

Welp, it finally came out today.

The resentment I said I wouldn't have. The resentment I didn't want to have. My hubs was worried I would be mad at him later, that I would resent him for making me feel like I should quit.

Trainer told me I was going to be resentful.

NAAAA, I am loving, kind, generous.... yadayada.

Well, I am those things. But today I am feeling just a tad bit of resentment.

It is probably an accumulation of dropping out of the show, going back to a regular person who eats regular food, the hubby being gone and me flying solo for the past 96 hours with the kids.

But today, I admit it. I am a little bit pissed. I am a little bit angry. I am a little annoyed that everyone I was so worried I was disappointing or leaving out are too busy for me today, on a day where I need someone to be there. But, everyone's busy living their own lives. Which is what I was doing up until 2 weeks ago.

I was insanely busy. I was bustling kids around, I had a messy house, I was exhausted, I didn't have enough time... but I was busy with something that had to do with ME. And I had shoulder caps that rocked my world, my upper abs were poppin out and my face was sunken in and skinny. Right now I am running around, busy, tired, pissed, overwhelmed and absolutly none of that has a darn thing to do with me. AND my abs are gone, my face is swollen and my shoulder caps are gone.

And I am a little annoyed about it.

I saw an old friend from high school tonight. It isn't like I wanted to impress him. I am, in fact a happily married woman to the hottest guy around.... but I found myself wishing I had ran into this kid from high school two weeks ago, when I looked good.

And today I was killing the blasted stair mill and one of the trainers said, "I hear you are eating food again." I laughed, I said "What gave it away? My abs are gone, my face is filled out and you can't find a shoulder cap?" He said "You mean you look normal?"

Dude. It hurt. I don't want to look normal and work this hard. I don't want to look normal after I just worked my ass off for two and a half months, to just look normal seems like such a huge disappointment.

So, here I am. I watched Private Practice right now and there was an alcoholic on the show at an AA meeting and I TOTALLY related to what she had to say...

"I am totally embarrassed, disappointed and ashamed that today is day 1, again."

Ok, maybe it that wasn't exactly what she said, but you get the gyst. I have told myself every night, tomorow is the day I am going to get back on track. I gained 8 lbs in the past almost two weeks. 8 pounds can go away QUICKLY if I just get my ass back in gear and eat like I am supposed to. If I follow the nutrition plan Jon set up for me.

But every day, I run into a "cookie" which turns into 10. Or my mom wants to go out to lunch. Or I eat 3 bowls of cereal before bed. Or grab another handful of "healthy" almonds. (Ya they are healthy if I eat 8, not 28)

Holy crap why is this so hard? I don't even want to eat that crap. When I type it I am truly disgusted with myself.

When I look in the mirror I am truly disgusted with myself. I was teaching bootcamp last night and I finally had to turn away from the mirror because I was really so close to crying it was ridiculous.

A part of me is mad at my husband. He likes my body from 2 weeks ago, correction.. he LOVES my body from two weeks ago. That's good right? But I don't want to eat like a figure competitor if I am not going to BE a figure competitor. So I want to eat more crap. Yet, I do want to look like a figure competitor.

That doesn't even make sense when I read it. I think there is a term for this sort of odd behavior.

SELF SABOTAGE. I am going to get the definition for that, hold please....

whatever it took me to a blog and it was way too long to insert here.

I don't know the definition, but to me it means I keep eating crap that I think will make me happy, but actually it makes me happy for a small moment and then it makes me very, very sad because I can see it leaving a dimple on the back of my leg or another roll on my stomach or adding another pound to the scale tomorow morning.

So there you have it. Another eyore of a post from your's truly. I mean, there was a day and a time when I was the most upbeat happy person you would have ever met. But lately, I am the friggin rain on the parade. And I want to stop. I have always believed two things. 1. You are responsible for your own happiness. 2. If you are having a crappy day, you can choose to see the good and make it a better day. Oh and 3. There are only a select few people in your life that really care what kind of day you are having.

I really hope I can gain some sense of control, that I can choose to say no to the crap food that is screwing up my image in the mirror, and I can remember that for the most part my life is pretty dang good. And I do have a lot more to be thankful for than not.

So here is my happy face. I will fake it til I make it for the rest of the night.

It.Hurts

Remember how I said my heart was hurting last week?

Well, this week it is my legs.

I had my leg training day with Big Jon yesterday. It didn't seem harder than usual. I haven't missed any workouts. I did supersets, high reps... usual stuff. Then I hit up my bootcamp class (holla, love my bootcampers) at 6 and worked it. I thought I was going to kill my people, but really I killed myself. They all looked fine, sweaty... but fine. I knew it was going to be hard to come back to actually doing the class with them again. I am strength conditioned right now I guess, not as much cardio conditioned. Ya, and for the record, I did want to throw up once or twice.

Anywho, I got out of bed this morning and I felt every.single.leg.and.butt.muscle.there.ever.was. Ohhhh, it really really hurts.

I hit the gym jam up this morning. Killed some shoulders, a little bicep and tricep action and half cardio on the inclined treddy mill, half on the stair demon. Dude, it hurts.

So now it is 920 pm. I ate perfectly all day yesterday and all day today, until about ohhhhh 5 when I decided to make no bake cookies and eat 3, and then a small bowl of macaroni and cheese. Hmmmm, why? My husband is working nights, this might just kill me. I tried my damndest to get some salty tortilla chips too, even went to Maverick with my kids in the pj's (obviosusly never woulda done that if hubby was home, he would have fuuuuuureaked out)... but what the heck?! They didn't have any. So I came home and made eggs.

I still haven't weighed myself. Big Jon said to "just do it." Before I get out of control and gain 20 lbs. But I assured him I would weigh Friday and that I will not gain 20 lbs now or ever.

But, I do really like to eat. And I really do like food. And I really really am an emotional eater.

So, I think I better weight tomorow.

Ohhhh, it's gonna hurt. I don't want to. I don't want to, I will probably want to cry.

But a girl's got to do what a girls got to do. And I will put on my big girl panties and face the music.

Send good scale vibes my way. And tell me, what do you do? Do you weigh every day, or once a week? Or do you even ever weigh yourself?!

One Week

Today is exactly one week from the day I decided I would not compete.

It seems like so long ago all ready, but yet the time has gone by fast. A couple girls asked me today if I still felt good about my decision not to compete and I easily said... "yeah, I am still a little sad. But looking at the big picture, I am content with what I chose."

I will admit I went to the gym more than once (haven't missed a workout, booyah) with tears in my eyes. I will admit that I ate "comfort" food more than 2, or maybe it was 20 times to stuff emotions I didn't want to deal with. I will admit I layed down on my pillow more than one time realizing that my heart was indeed hurting. I will admit that more than once I have felt a little bit overwhelmed by not being so busy and focused.

But, it is 7 days later now. I have had treats, in fact, I am pretty sure I have made up for every single thing I ever had to say no to in the past 2.5 months, (really 3.5 months because I was being extremely strict on my diet in July, when I started working with the get in shape girl). Ahh, it did feel good in the moment of eating those things, but after, yes I felt sick, yes I felt a little guilt, yes I felt fat.

Yes, in fact I do feel fat. Today when I hit the gym, I felt extremely fat and swollen actually. I have not weighed myself. I refuse. I will not step on the scale until Friday, I can face the music Friday but only because I am back on my new and improved nutrition plan from Big Jon starting tomorow, and will not be indulging in ANYTHING AT ALL besides that plan until Saturday night, which I will get a cheat meal, and then Sunday, I will get a cheat treat because it is my bubba boy's second birthday. (That was a side note of rambling, sorry.)

Anyway, I fully believe for people like me it is best to weigh every single day, because otherwise I have been known to use it as an excuse to indulge from not knowing the "damage" of a cheating day. But, I needed a week to process and let a little loose. I feel ready to get back on track.

I am anxious to feed my body healthy clean food again. I told my husband on the way home from our little get a way today that (as I drank a diet dr pepper) my body was prolly screaming at me "lady, what happened to all the water you have been giving me?" I sorta laughed about it and continued to imagine what all my body could be saying "what the heck happened to the clean food moron?" "Is this what the week before the show woulda been like, dry and thirsty?... and I answered "no, stupid body you would have been starving too, be thankful you have been gettin food."

Wow, I really am that weird.

It just makes me think that our bodies really like healthy food and exercise so much better than the alternative. They really, really do.

My body likes to look leaner, it likes to be fed nutritious healthy food and it likes to sweat.

So body, that is what you will get. Enjoy, it is coming. Yum, can't waite for tomorow morning and my 3/4 cup oats with egg whites. HOLLA... 3/4 cup seems like a freaking thanksgiving day feast compared to the 1/4 cup I have been eating (breakfast is the one meal I have followed 100% since last week... woop woop go me!)

Who Am I gonna Be Now?

So about 8 months ago I put a note on my mirror that said

"who are you going to be? Pick, then make it happen."

If I am ok with eating whatever I want, I have to be ok with looking like I eat whatever I want.
If I want to look like I workout hardcore, then I don't get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Period. You can not outtrain a bad diet. Ah, some can, let me reword that I CAN NOT OUT TRAIN MY BAD DIET.

This week, has been a bad diet week. No I am not talking about being on a "diet" I am just talking about the food that I eat and refer to it as my diet. So here me, I am not on a diet, never have been. I just call the food that I cosume, my diet.

I emailed Big Jon today, ready to set my goals for the next 6 months.

Dear Big Jon

Thanks, workout was good today. I refueled right after with my protein shake, and then came home and ate peanut butter cookies.
Yep. Not doing so good on my assigned nutrition plan, but then you figured that was going to be the case, didn't you?!Well I have thought more about the goals that I wanted to set that you and I talked about last week and I think I have pinpointed them a little more clearly now that I have gotten my cheats out of the way.
So I thought I should share them before you got my new nutrition plan rolling.I don't necessarily want to build any more muscle, I don't think. What's your opinion there? I don't want to look skinny, but I want to be smallish. I think the muscle I have is all pretty good and big enough, but I want it to be more cut looking. So, I know we talked about me having to gain some weight back, and that healthy body fat range is 18%. I just am not going to be ok at 18%, I don't really care about the scale I just want the body fat lower and since I was 13% 3 weeks ago, I am assuming I am 12 or 13 now and want to maintain here for the next several years. When someone comes into the gym, I want them to look at me and think that my body is what they are trying to get. I want to be in better shape looking than any female trainer at a gym. Period. I need a nutrition plan that is going to fuel that, and preferrably one that does not include tilapia.

It can be strict enough during the week because I will continue on with the one cheat meal a week or maybe two.... haven't quite figured that out. Maybe one a week, but will be able to partake at a birthday party without feeling like I need to get cardio done at 2 in the morning after.

Cardio is another question for you. Is more (like the 90 minutes I have been doing) really the best way to keep body fat lower? I will be training with my bootcamp people tue and thurs which basically is an hour of cardio each of those nights. We do incorporate weights, but when we do the resistance is light(8-10 lb dumb bells or 20 lb max bar weight) and high reps (24-30 ish) Other than that I am ok with being in the gym 6 days and keeping Sunday as my rest day. Obviously same as before I only have 2 hours though because of daycare.
Anyway, thought I should send email and get your thoughts and what not. Its been a hard week, not gonna lie. It'lll get easier though. I don't want to throw away all the sweat I have put out getting here so it is time to get this shit figured out.
Thanks again for everything Jon

No Patience

So you know how you go to Walmart, or anywhere really... and when you get in someone's way you say "Excuse me."

Or when you accidently cut some one off in traffic, you wave and mouth "Sorry!"

Or when you are at the gym and you make eye contact with someone, you smile.

Or when you make someone waite in line forever and a day behind you at the checkstand because you are so busy talking about stupid crap that nobody cares about....... you atleast smile and pretend like you care you held up the line.

Well, lately, I am not running into those kind of people. And I am usually ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS the polite person who does the "excuse me, sorry, my bad, thank you, smile" thing. Well this week, if I look at one more person who just seems to be looking at me with no intention of smiling, or say excuse me to one more stupid moron who obviously doesn't care that they are also in MY way, or if I stand behind one more stupid jacker in a checkout line listening to whatever the stupid hell they have to say........

I might just blow a freakin gasket.

Just sayin.

Somethings Just Don't FIGURE.

July 1, 2011 when I started with Big Jon

October 4th, 4 am front pose with goofy hand placement

totally wrong back pose with my shoulder blades popping out like a crazy woman. My back is supposed to look flat

Relaxed Pose

Front Pose with goofy hands, but I wanted to get a good image of my stomach area.

Oh man, this is the hardest post ever to write. I keep wanting to avoid it, but that leads to the false impression I am busy at work getting ready for a figure show in 3.5 weeks.

And, that my friends, I am not.

I put in my letter of resignation last night. I have been wrestling for a month with these small signals I keep receiving from my Heavenly Father. I kept pushing them aside, thinking that I could focus for just a "bit" longer and make it through. Then I could go back to being the attentive wife and loving mom I have always been. Then I could go back to balancing and focusing on the "important" things in life and no harm would be done.

I took my husband to my posing session this weekend and although he outwardly tried to be tough, it was extrememly hard for him to see me in a swim suit, and to think about me being on a stage in front of LOTS of people, in an even smaller swim suit, looking even more sexy than (he) already thinks I am.

I have felt promptings from different occasions that have said I am chasing something that is over my head, that is asking for trouble. I have spent a rather large amount of money to get here, only two months and a week into training, with a month to go and about 400 dollars more to spend, that could really be put to better use for my family else where. I feel like I have put my husband in a situation that he isn't comfortable, but as he takes one for our "team" and grins and bears it, I have realized that I am not being the kind of wife I want to be by making him do that.

I am not being the kind of mom I want to be by being grumpy, irritable, and totally focused on myself. If something were to happen to me or one of them tomorow, I wouldn't be satisfied with the way things have been going. I don't feel like they know how much I love them because of the actions and reactions I have had in the past two months. I don't feel like they understand that I have a testimony of eternal families and that MY eternal family is my #1 priority.

I love and respect my trainer and his wife and I am so going to miss training all the time, and the aspect of comraderie of working towards this goal. I had this last two months and it was really ALL about me. I would be lying if I said a big part of me didn't really LOVE that. But, when I look above and ahead at the eternal perspective, I know and understand that is not the way it is meant to be right now.

Some have said, "don't worry, you can do it later." Ya right! This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I have never wanted something so much, but wanted to quit the whole time as well. I have had totally conflicting emotions the whole time because it really has been SO hard. The 3 hours of training, the early mornings, the lack of sleep, the total restriciton of diet. Cold tilapia. Need I say more?

I know that I had to get here, to October 3rd 2011 to really and fully know that I am capable of finishing, and rocking that stage. I am capable, I could do it. That doesn't mean it is the right decision to do it.

I wrestled all night, wondering why the Lord wasn't giving me the overwhelming feeling of peace that told me "you are right, you need to stop." But as I called my Uncle this morning and talked through the feelings and promptings I have had, I realized it was just that. It was the answer I had been begging for all night. It was the assurance that I had made the decision that long term I could live with.

In ten years, I may totally regret not stepping on stage in those 5 inch heels and absolutly gorgeous blue blinged out suit (ahhhh, it really IS so pretty!!!). But I would rather live with that regret than the regret of in a month regretting finishing, at the rate that there is no promise of tomorow. That there is no guarantee that everything would be ok, that Satan wouldn't mettle in my marriage or in my family. I would rather take the risk of feeling a little sad and let down, then risk bringing the Advesary into my life.

I am the protector of my children, I am the lover of my husband. I am supposed to stand for that which is good and just and right. As I stood in front of my husband and my kids last night in my sparkly (ohhh the fabric, it's so gorgeous!) small suit, and my 4 year old said "mommy, you look beautiful... I want a swimming suit like that." My heart was pierced. I would never be ok with her wearing such a small suit, why on earth would I feel it ok to wear it as her mom? I am not ok with that.

I am ok with her seeing me strive everyday to take care of the body I have been given, I am more than ok with her seeing me fuel my body with healthy foods and not the "yucky" stuff, I am ok with her seeing how much I love her daddy and that he thinks I am the sexiest girl in the world. I am not ok with her thinking it is ok for other people to think I am the sexiest girl in the world. (Ya, know... cuz everyone totally woulda been thinking naughty of me in that thing cuz I rocked it!!!)

My hubs tried with his might to make me finish, but when I told him I thought I was doing what the Lord wanted and I needed him to support me and not try to change my mind he shot me a text back that made me smile brighter, jump higher, run faster, and thank every lucky star in the world he picked me...

"ok, I love you no matter what. You are a winner to me. You probably would have won first."

And that my friends is worth more than the biggest trophy ever will be. True, eternal love that does not end.

Please don't be disappointed in me. Please understand that my heart is in the best place it can be. Please understand that I am an advocate of pushing our bodies to do hard things, that I fully believe that we as women, wives and mothers-- we are capable of anything, and everything we set out minds to. And when we feel 100% ok with whatever it is, or even 90% ok with it, we need to push through.

Thank you for following my journey. Don't think its over. I am 127.9 lbs of 5 foot 5ness at around 13% body fat, and I have to make it back to a real life person again, who gets to choose her own food and her own workouts...

stay tuned.

Keep believing, smiling, working, and trying.

stinky Kid

Remember the stinky kid from school? Well I remember several. Preschool- Troy, he pooped his pants
middle school- Casey, he never took a shower
and about 5 million differerent people at the gym, and usually when I encounter these said people, I move and think angry thoughts about how a shower and deoderant never hurt anyone.

And I get equally irate by people who bathe in their cologne or perfume and come next to me while I am doing cardio. Weights not so much because I am not about to puke like I am on cardio.

Well, today I lifted late in the day because I thought that seemed easier. I remembered deoderant this morning, but as soon as I got to the gym and started lifting I noticed, I had b.o.

Sick!! K, Well note to self buy another stick and throw in gym bag.

So I just figured no one would notice I don't get that close to people I really have a bubble about 5 ft around so I really thought it would be ok.

Then I got on the stair climber and made it my ________(this is a naughty word here, but since my Gramma reads this I am cleanin up the language). I mean, I worked that stair climber like it hasn't been worked in a while I am sure. And there is a lady to my right on an eliptical, and a lady to my left on an eliptical. Both doin their thing. I notice the lady to my right kinda lookin at me a lot. Meh, she prolly just wonders why I am maxing this machine out like I own it. I don't notice the lady to my left looking at me, but all of a sudden she moves to an eliptical furthest away from me.

OMGosh?!!?!? I sorta like start freaking out!!! Can she smell me?! I mean it wasn't that bad a b.o.... or was it?! Oh gosh, I seriously wanted to ask her so bad "Um, excuse me mam? Why did you move elipticals?" Then I decided that made me seem a bit unconfident and needy so I didn't but seriously.... could she smell my armpits?

Or maybe I smelled like nasty tilapia. Ya know, the fish I have to eat every.friggin.day for meal 4? Omgosh you do not even understand how I loathe that meal. I mean, I really just want to starve myself for the 6 hours and skip it... but that wouldn't fuel my muscles yadayada it tastes like butt. And today the butt was cold and cooked 3 hours prior.

AHHHHHH I hate tilapia. Jon says "get used to it, salmons getting taken away soon and replaced with tilapia." omgosh I go back and forth between feeling hardcore cuz I am eating CRAP to feeling like an IDIOT cuz I am eating CRAP, that tastes like butt.

Anywho, please feel free to feel bad for me for being the stinky kid. And Troy or Casey, I am still not sorry I always wanted to gag and not sit by you or be your partner. I will use more deoderant, I hope by this point in life you are too.

That's all.

Oh, I picked up my posing suit today!!!! AHHHHHH it's so pretty!!!! Pics soon!!!

Just about DONE

So this is me in my Walmart eye and lip make up I hurriedly purchased last night. I think I like it best and it is closest to "me."
I think I will try about one more time and then just go with it because honestly, the make up is super annoying to me. I don't like a lot of make up on my face, I am all ready SUPER struggling with trying to look sexy when I do my walk, poses, curtsy, yada yada that I really just don't even care too much about the makeup at this point.
I had a posing session tonight and my back poses were just sucking it up horrid. I couldn't get one right I swear. Husband came, which should have made me feel less nervous, but ended up making me feel more nervous.
I am so self conscious about myself. I am wearing 5 inch heels, I don't walk well in them. I can walk, I just don't strut well in them. I have only a few poses to remember but 5 things with each pose. Not to mention I am in a bikini and feel totally "out there"
I know it is not fun for my husband to see me in a small swim suit in front of another man, I know it wont be fun when I will be in that small suit in front of a crowd at the first show that he isn't able to attend, I know it will be slightly more fun for him to be at the second show and he will probably feel really proud of all we have accomplished getting ready for this show.
But right now, honestly. It just feels super awkward for both of us I think.
I have been getting through one meal at a time the past two days. I try to only focus on the next one. If I focus in terms of days I am getting really overwhelmed and stressed.
I am ready for this to be over.
My diet changed, my rice got cut in half. And my afternoon protein shake got changed to tilapia and spinach. Did you know that only in the past 6 months have I started eating fish? Deathly disgusted by it my whole life. Tilapia is pretty much nastiness and I have it every.single.day. And soon it will be twice a day, and then soon it will be all the live long freakin day at every meal.
Gag me now.
I can do this. Less than 4 weeks. I can do this.
I pick up my suit tomorow!! WEEEEE!!! I am excited to see it. And I was down to my lowest weight this morning.... dun dun dun 127.9. Jon took progress pics tonight, but didn't measure my body fat sadly. Ill post pics when i see them.

Different Eyes

This is what the Ulta girl did tonight, minus good mascara because they didnt have eyelash curlers, and my lips were brighter.

Stage Makeup

Oh my gosh I am seriously sooo far out of my element with make up. I usually use light shimmer, black eye liner and a little mascara.....

And for the stage I need more.

So I am playing with different stuff, this is me done at home with stuff I already have. I feel like I have black eyes. I just don't love this look but it looks WAY darker in person than the camera shows. Keep in mind I will be SUPER tanned as well. And my suit is royal blue not pinkish.Me at home on my own

Then after a friend worked on my eyes a little bit. I still have to add fake eyelashes and better coverage face makeup. I just feel like it is WOW kinda clownish or something....

If you do makeup, or know makeup hook a sister up with some pointers!!!!

Business

Wow, I just looked at my stat counter and was super suprised to see that my daily blog stalkers have doubled. It's cool and exciting huh?! Listen to the drama queen whine about how hard the show prep she signed up for is. Dudes, you could comment (Well I know a few of you do,) and show a girl some love ya know.

In other news, this is rather random crap post because I have lots of random thoughts today.

I went to the gym this morning at 630 for my morning cardio. I was driving by the practice field for the local high school and was impressed as well as suprised at seeing the local team out in uniform practicing. Good for them. If I had one wish for any high school athlete it would be that they would learn now, the importance of being conditioned for their sport. If I had been conditioned in high school the way I have trained myself now I feel like I could have gone a lot further and been a lot more beneficial to my team. Not to mention I would have upped my confidence that was seriously lacking at the time.

Then I was thinking, I have been training for 60 days. Like contest prep for 60 days. That is almost 60 hours of morning cardio and who knows how much afternoon cardio. Wow, that is a lot. TOO much if you ask me, but yep... you are right, nobody's askin me. I pay Big Jon the money and he barks out orders. I follow all training orders to the T. and I follow all nutrition guidelines to the T as well, except for when my other personality comes out (The few times it has) and over takes my body and makes me do something I didn't plan on. Luckily, those have been few and far between.

I am officialy 1 month out from contest #1. I filled out my application today. Texted Big Jon, said holy crap, I'm scared. Only one month!

Big Jon: "Don't be a wuss."

lol, everyone needs a Jon in their life. I have one for free (a husband) and I pay one. I sometimes think it is weird to think "I pay Big Jon to hate him o much of the time we are together." He does push me just a bit further than I like, but that is what gets results so that's why he is worth the money.

I pick up my suit MONDAY!!! Wooohooo!! I can't believe my sewer lady is that fast. I am so excited. I can't waite to start posing in it. It is gonna be carazy!! I am going to go play at a few make up counters Monday too in hopes they can help me get "Stage" ready. I am a mom, and wife, who is a bit on the simple side I would say so "Stage" make up will be A LOT different than what I do usually. I am excited for it though.

I talked to Jon yesterday about my type A personality and how I really need to know what my fate is for after my show so I can fully prepare and be ready for what happens. I got some glorious news which is atleast 5000 times better than what I was expecting.

After show, I will be starving. Let's just say it like it is. I will literally be starving and dehydrated.... but BaAaBy I am gonna loooook goooooood being starving and dehydrated. Anyway, back to the plan. I will get to go EAT, whatever I want. Like even cookies he said. I emailed my local Gramma and said "I need some service girl, I need cookies wrapped in a package that can not be opened til after my show on the 29th so I can EAT those friggin cookies right after." Ya, she said yes. Duh, she knows I am starving. Thanks Gma!!! Then I get Sunday to eat whatever. (prolly no dairy or alcohol cuz He always says that-- even though he knows I am LDS and I don't drink. So the only thing Ill be missin is ice cream, but I can do with out if can get me some a Gramma's famous chocolate chippie COOKIES!) Monday I can eat, but more reserved and Tuesday it is game face on girl finish out the rest of that hill until the 19th and get my perky butt back on stage.

YEAH! Girl, I gotta pretty perky booty these days. It aint perfect but it is GETTIN there baby.

In other news, the scale is still at 128.3. Rude. Good thing he didn't really make me waite til 127 for my cheat or I woulda never gotten it. I think that's what he was thinkin.

In other news, that's all I got for today. 1 month to go. I got 1 month to give it all I got and finish this race. I ask for your help. In whatever you are doing, give the next 30 days all you have in honor of me. This isn't going to be easy, but people keep telling me it's going to be worth it. SO GAME ON. Let's do this.

MindLESS Eaters

Guess what?!

Today I am calling you out, due to some recent knowledge I acquired through my own acnoledgement today. I think you should make a plan for tomorow of exactly what you are going to eat, and make a schedule of it. So, like me, eat every 2.5 hours and have it scheduled so there is no room for error in your "food day." Write it down.

I promise you that if you do this you will realize two things.
1. You eat all day long.
2. You let food cue your hunger, and not hunger cue your hunger.
oh ya and 3. You aren't hungry every time you eat.

So today, if I were not on a scheduled meal plan and time schedule this is what I would have added to my consumption and it is only 2pm.

breakfast:bites of kids honey bunches of oats. left over banana (1/2) baby didn't eat.
cake pop when I opened fridge to put milk away
rice cake when I put cereal away

cookie when I stopped at Maverick to get soda (oh ya, defintily had another one or two a those even though I still haven't hit 127)
(but next week Big Jon said it is gone so ya, I am drinking it this week yo!)

Atleast 2 oreos from 4 year olds little baggie, atleast 5 nutter butters out of 2 year olds.

taco with hubby at lunch, extra cheese when I did the dishes

bite of cheese tortilla and atleast 2 strawberry's of 4 year olds. Atleast 2 spoonfulls of whipped cream.

cake pop when 4 year old had one.

(please do not mind my kids have had a lot of crap today. We are recovering from bithday still.)

Dude. Do you understand that I am NOT hungry? My current meal plan leaves me more than satisfied. I do not feel a hunger pain. These are just random thoughts I have as I go through out my day that I KNOW I WOULD have eaten had a not been on a plan.

I really do wonder how many extra calories that would equal. I don't want to figure it out, too lazy. But more than I should have for a day FOR SURE.

A facebook girl I follow, the fighter diet says that one shouldn't be trusted to trust their hunger cues. Rather, they should trust their schedule. I thought that was a little extreme....

Until today when I really thought about how many times I THOUGHT about eating something that wasn't on my plan.

That's a lot.

How many times a day do you think or eat something that you aren't hungry for, or doesn't even taste good. I have talked with people who have said that they have actually eaten and 5 seconds later when asked what they had didn't remember.

Not good. Not good at all. I am learning. Teach yourself too. Try this out tomorow and tell me how it goes.

Made it Through

the birthday celebrations. At my house, we don't party once... we party ALL day long.

I want my babies and my man to know just how special they are, and today was no different.

I made it through sprinkle pancakes, sprinkle strawberries, pink sugar cookies, tacos for dinner and cake pops.

You can bet your a$$ it was hard. And you can also bet your A$$ I will be having me some cake pops come oh... November 20th ish. So it really is no big deal, couldn't have em today.... but in two months, they will be MINE. And Ill prolly eat atleast 4.

There you have it. Birthday celebration #1 to make it through was a HUGE success for this figure competitor in training. HOLLA GURL!!!

Birthday Parties

Someone please just kill me now.

My 4 year old's birthday is manana. I knew it would be hard, and suprisingly it isn't THAT hard. But, it IS hard.

Picture it please, steak, shrimp, salad, potato0 cubes.

followed by

Your choice of chocolate, cookies and cream, or vanilla ice cream. Then please add any topping you want or can imagine. My husband, my dad, my step mom, and my two babies are livin' it up over there in the kitchen while I sit here in the living room typing this-- thinking about blue sparkly bikinis and flat abs.

Someone, please PLEASE kill me now.

A Few Picutres

All done up... this is me one day out of... seven probably. I need darker face makeup seriously bad.

well hello bulging bicep... so good to see you... PRE WORKOUT baby.

And good to see you too, pimples EVERYWHERE!!!

Really, baby?! No face shot?! I need a photographer up in here stat.

Kinda funny, I asked my hubby to take some pics of me before our date night/cheat meal Friday and I said specifically "I want my whole body in it so I can see what I look like in clothes right now."

SOOO, he took like 4 pictures of my body and no face. Oh brother, babe seriously?! Like I wouldn't want my face in the pic!!!

Anyway, the pictures of me in my hat and no make up... (yes my face is broken out like a crazy lady, don't know why. Super annoying though) are what I look like usually. We were headed to the gym before our date night. I wanted the pics in clothes and makeup because they are so few and far between these days I wanted to remember what I looked like cleaned up.

Honestly. I just feel super ugly without my hair and makeup done. But considering that I am training for between 2 and 3 hours every day, being a mom, house cleaner, chauffer, chef and wife-- make up and hair straightening time just doesn't happen most days.

I am looking foward to stage prep week, getting nails done, toes done, tanning, waxing, makeup. It will be fun to be all girlified and glitterfied to present my hard work.

Oh by the way just some food for thought. My cheat meal this week was without carbs. LAMESAUCE! Well, if I had to guess it was my last cheat meal ever until after my show, and I am definitly without carbs in anything else I get. But anyway, funny how every single cheat meal with out fail I have felt soo sick afterwards except this one. Steak, shrimp, mushrooms, salad, and cashews for dessert. Not one ounce of yucky bloating or wanting to throw up everywhere. Interesting. I think those carbies are no good for my body, even though my brain totally CRAVES them and MISSES them.

A good lesson to have this weekend. I also made posters and posted them EVERYWHERE in my house. I will display pics soon. Pretty cute, thanks for the suggestion Lisa, they have really finished off my decorations in my house perfectly!

Happy Saturday!

My heart is Full

Here are a couple of comments from my last post. THANK YOU! Is all I can say to you both! You really have no idea how much the push and the kind words have meant to me.
It is so easy to quit. I just know the after math of quitting would probably kill me, or atleast give me an ulcer and probably force me to find some prozac.
I am going to be taping up some cute little posters in my kitchen today. To remind me who I am, where I came from, and what I am gonna look like on Nov. 19th.
Thank you for rooting for me, there are far too many people in this world that find excitment and joy in tearing others down. They are few and far between that take the time out of their busy, busy lives to build others up and I am forever grateful for those who I have found, and have found me.... I have more than my fair share of cheerleaders and when the going gets tough-- THAT is what I need to remember.
Feeling blessed today.


Brooke9b said...
I think it's really normal what you're goind through! Try and have inspirational/motivational pictures/quotes/people/etc around you for the time of day/location that triggers you to feel sad/depressed/HUNGRY etc :) Just a thought, right after my dinner I brush the heck outta my teeth, floss & mouth wash so that I think more than once before I eat or drink anything besides water before bed.
September 22, 2011 7:45 PM
Lisa said...
Teri,I know we have never met, but I feel totally connected to you and your journey. I think about you every time I have a "cheat". I realize that I am not in training so I have come to a middle ground with it, but its simply because I do not have the will yet. There is a reason you are here. A reason you are being sculpted. I am not talking about the external (though its lookin' mighty fine!). You are being forged into something greater. It is not a pain-free process and it is not for the weak-hearted. GOOD ON YOU for taking on the challenge and working the hell outta it!! IF IT WERE EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT. IF IT WERE EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT. Get a white-board marker and write that on your mirror, your fridge, your pantry... anywhere you need it because its the truth. You wanted more, you wanted better so you have to work for it. And the more and better you will get out of this process will be life-changing for you. DO NOT GIVE UP!!! I am rootin' for you as I climb my ass up that damn stairmaster and everytime I wonder how the hell you do it for 60 minutes. You drive me to work harder. You can't quit because I'm not ready for you too.Now, go. Eat your bland-ass food, drink your fishtank-o-water, and kill your muscles. It will be sooooo worth it when you own that stage!!!