It's the age old question-- "How do I motivate my partner to be healthy with me?" or "My partner constantly sabotages my efforts to get fit!" or "My partner resents it when I workout."
I am going to tell you a little story about a couple I know...named...my husband and me.
When we first met, hubby was in amazing shape. He could do push ups and pull ups like it was going out of style. His chest stuck out in a very very good way and I could not get enough of touching it. I mean, I can totally see why men like boobies now. Cuz his chest was and is amazingly sexy. Every night after working 12 or more hours of heavy duty labor intensive work (And he'd eat nasty healthy food like tuna and chicken and oatmeal all the time), he would go home and hit his garage to workout.
I was young, so this was HOTT at first. Then we broke up and I got into working out myself and feeling good about me. Always, a workout aholic, and a junk food closet eater. I worked out so I could justify eating McDonalds, pizza, and taco bell and of course anything with sugar in the ingredient list as well.
When we got back together several months later, fitness was a priority for me too--so we started working out together and that was awesome. We just went after he got done at work and I finished my classes at BSU. We enjoyed it (I hung on the cardio equipment shocking people at just how long and hard I could go) and he'd lift weights. We'd head back to his house, he'd do protein and I'd be all like "Wendy's sounds good!"
This drove him insane in the membrane. He couldn't understand why I would eat like shiz after killing the gym like that. So honestly, this was a sort of contention for us for a long time. He didn't like me eating crap, I didn't like him caring that I ate crap. So it was sorta vicious cycle, He'd make a little comment, and then I would want to eat the whole freaking plate of brownies just to show HIM. Yah, that didn't work out that well for me because then, I got pregnant.
And pregnancy was a real biznatch for me. I'll be honest. I hated it. I went from pretty and a little chunky to super dang ugly and fat. Fat everywhere. I didn't even recognize pictures of myself when I saw them. It was bad. I was depressed, obviously, so I didn't work out (I was in college and worked full time both) and every night when hubby came home you know what that son of a gun did? He went to the gym while I stayed home and felt even more miserable and more angry.
After pregnancy I was on a mission to get back to myself, after several months of him coming home from work, while I had been home with the baby all day--and once again he would head to the gym while I stayed home. It infuriated me at first, but then, when I WAS READY, I started. I committed to 21 days of walking first. I walked every single day for 21 days, because they say 21 days makes a habit. I did this alone, for myself and I fit it in even though there was more than one time I was out in the dark, alone. (I do not recommend that, but it is what I needed to do at the time). He of course was my cheerleader and so I joined weight watchers and we became a fit team. We were working together, going to the gym together--eating healthy but I would still slip into my old habits and eat off track. And he would casually mention it and I would want to kill him.
So there was a time we sat down, and we had it out. I explained I liked being on his team, but I felt like I was constantly on defense because although he wasn't saying it, and although he probably didn't mean it either, every time he commented on what I ate--I felt like he was calling me a fat cow. So he stopped commenting (for the most part, I still catch him from time to time but that's his issue now not mine.) and I just did what I could.
Second pregnancy was easier, I got to goal weight in a reasonable way. I worked out hard and I ate less. I started craving the activity even more than I ever had. It was when I ran my first weight loss competition on this very blog in January 2010. I got to help people, which helped me and then all of a sudden I had found my passion and was evolving into a fit princess monster. I loved it then and I still love it now.
These days we train together several times a month. There has been times that husband has commented snidely about me heading to the gym AGAIN, but I have reminded him more than once that he created this monster. I have blogged several times of how grateful I am that he lead by example and didn't pressure me to work out, or do things his way. He'd offer advice but once he understood that I just wanted him to be supportive, and not bossy (HA that's my job now) we were good. We evolved together and our fitter, stronger, and healthier than ever before.
I have clients always say that it is easy for me, because my husband does what I do. Yes, to a degree that's true but as you can see we weren't always this way. So I give them advice on how to help their partner.
1 Don't pressure them to do what you are doing. Just do what you have to do for YOU. You can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself. So do it. Stop whining that they aren't on your side. You are your own person and you can make things happen for YOU if you choose to. Sometimes, that means, dinner will be late--or they'll have to eat leftovers--OR they may not love what you cook. But, life isn't perfect all the time, and they'll get over it.
2 Cook healthy. Buy healthy food. If they're hungry, they'll eat. Does this mean you should never make cookies or buy chicken nuggets again? No, But do it every now and again. I buy my kids chicken nuggets about every 4 weeks. They can eat em and enjoy em, and then when they're gone...we eat something healthier. Snacks? You need something fast and on the go? Rice cakes in a bag. Cut up fruit in a bag. Cut of veggies in a bag. Homemade granola bar in a bag. Don't use that stupid excuse that it takes too much time. So does dr visits and dentist visits and everything else so make time for what's important. Health is important.
3 Involve them in activities. Make it a priority to invite them to do fun things (kids--play tag, bike rides, races etc) Spouse go home from your workout and show them something hard you did and have them try it with you. Their competitiveness will come out and they will do it I almost guarantee it.
4 Love them anyway. They aren't going to do everything you want them to, ever. Love them anyway. Be the best example of health and fitness you can be, for YOU, and let them watch how good you feel about yourself and how much happier you feel towards other people. That stuff is contagious.
A client last night tagged me in a post on facebook of her husband kicking my other clients butts in a 3 minute plank, another client told me her hubby had a spread sheet all figured out of a workout program that he might start soon. Be encouraging and at the end of the day--
Love them anyway.
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