Please Forgive the Jumble

I have been struggling lately. I am like a bipolar woman p-m-sing. One day I think, "I want to get to 125" then next day I think "I just want to stay at 130" the the next time I see some chocolate that wont friggin stop calling my name I say "I don't care, I just want to eat what I want and weigh 135"

And if I could only rememebr the number of days I have hidden from the scale in the last month. I can't remember frankly. I hid from it today. I have no idea what I weigh. I didn't want to step on because I just finished telling myself on Thursday that the healthy, strong, confident weight loser Teri is back, and then I found a moon pie, and some truffles and some other crap that made me so happy at the moment, but now has left me wanting to cry like a baby.

I watched Bachelor tonight, and Emily. Who I think is beauitful and blonde and perfect. I want to be like her when I grow up. So sweet and genuine. Anyway, I could see her abs under neath her dress. I just want to know what it feels like to have abs. I know my stomach has shrunk so much, and it is continuing to look better and better, but I feel like if I could just stick to eating clean and eating to fuel my body I could really see some definition. I think I owe my stomach the courtesy of atleast trying anything I can to see what it feels like. But then, I get discouraged because that stupid scale is in my opinion not being as easily guided as I am used to. It's up and down and all around and I don't really want to take all the credit of the food I am eating for it.



I got my tankini in the mail today. The bottoms are way too big. I ordered size large because I thought they would fit nicely on my butt. I HAAATE it when bottoms squeeze your fat and make it pop over the seams. My size medium undies from vic secret are like that so I assumed the swim suit bottoms would fit the same. Well, I was wrong. And the top is soooo cute on my ta-tas (sorry if that offends hehe) but it isn't long enough over my torso, and the white in the print is like see through. So, I don't really like my skin showing through when the suit is dry, i can only imagine what it will be like wet. So I will have to pay to ship that back. Then take a oh so fun day at the mall with my Amy friend to buy a different one. But I hate swim suit shopping and no matter how good you feel the morning you go, you definitly feel fat and yucky the minute you enter the bad lighting and the dressing room.



I realize I keep typing as if I am talking to YOU. Well I should be owning these feelings because there is no way that YOU really are as random as I am, and YOU probably aren't as weird or indecisive as I am either so I will restart the rest of my ramblings by owning the way that I am feeling and therefore use I instead of YOU.



I wonder if I can keep at this eating clean thing for a month. If I could do the eating clean I know the idea is that it fuels my body, is natural, and so therefore it is supposed to I think make it easier for me to get that muscle definition that I so badly want. I saw a picture of Jamie Eason, a writer for Oxygen mag, and a important weight lifting/womens fitness figure girl on a ad in GNC. She is crazy thin, and crazy ripped. It was an ad for hydroxycut. I mean, that annoys me. So do these women who I am trying to get my body to look like all take hundreds of thousands of dollars in supplements while eating clean. Holy crap. Maybe I should just stick with my meal replacements half my eating time, and eating in moderation the other half. I mean that has worked well for me since I went off Take Shape in November. I have maintained 130 since then. I am happy at 130. It seems like all these meal plans out of the magazines of people eating clean are getting to eat A LOT more food than I am used to like 170o cals. That is like 500 more than I typically have been taking in. But is the difference I wonder that the 1200 has been highly processed, adn the 1700 will be whole, natural foods, so it will be ok and I wont gain weight? well I don't really care all that much if I can weight if I can gain it in the form of muscle. Which is why I took those pics, in case I actually decide to stick to something and eat clean and grab a stomach full of fat in 30 days to see the difference. It is too hard to use the measuring tape to see changes at this point, and the scale. Holy crap the scale and me are not friendly lately.

I am like a drowning sow at 130. I get sooo close to 130 for my weigh in on Friday, but by Monday I am back up... I even saw 136 over the past few weeks. It was horrid. I was so sad. I was feeling like a failure. I was feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling like I was going to jump off a cliff and scream naughty naughty words the whole way down. I have worked so hard to become healthy I can't throw it all away now but I can't stop drinking soda. Do I need to stop drinking soda? I can't stop eating chocolate. I know I have to stop eating chocolate. There is no room for it in my life. I can't stop once I start. Like Charlie Scheen with his porn stars I just can't stop.

Health isn't a destination, the body I want isn't a destination. I can't ever stop. The new life I have made for myself of healthy eating adn exercising day in and day out has to continue or the old fatter unhappier Teri comes back. It is a fact. I am getting so bored of going to the gym every friggin day. I just want to hike, or run outside or something on my off teaching days. I want to run the same half marathon I ran last year in July. I want to kick the crap out of that 2 hr 7 or was it 9 min time. I think I can do it too. I ran 3 miles in under 8 mins each this week. I am definitly getting faster. I love running faster and faster and faster. I love when I am running so fast I am worried I might throw up. I love that feeling.

I try to explain to Amy, or Carrie, or Jared how I feel. I can't articulate it right. I can't keep complaining or playing the what if game I just have to try something... before they kill me because they don't want to hear it anymore. I don't blame them. Who wants to listen to Debby Downer whine about gaining a few pounds when you just watched her order another diet coke, or down a freaking moon pie that you think tastes like card board? Or eat yet another piece of chocolate you just told them you wouldn't eat. Nobody wants to listen and why would they when I can't even decide what I really want.

Well, I guess that's all.

Maybe I should think about it. About what I really want. Who I really want to be. What I really want to look like in a swim suit.

I will. Ill think about it. I might let you know or I might not. I might not want to be that commited.

I am hungry. I better go drink some h20 and head for bed.

Pics for Me to Think About

So I have a whole post about my randomness/bipolarness coming right after this. But I needed to post and really look at these pictures to see where I have come and what the progress looks like. If you don't feel like seeing my stretch marked tummy you might want to forgo this post :o)Feb 28th 2011
November 2010
August 2010
hehe Feb 28th 2011
Feb 28th 2011
November 2010
August 2010

O.M.Gosh

I guess it might be time to lower my soda intake (Even more than I already have fyi)

I was totally bustin' a move upstairs on my eliptical in my undies and sports bra. When I felt the sweat release from my body and start trickling down my chest.... I let out a gasp and really, really, really thought I was sweating soda. It was dark like diet dr. pepper.

And then I realized, I just had my hair dyed.

ahahahahaha that is totally worthy of the phrase I learned a month or so back. LmAo (laughing my ace off) hehehehehehe I crack myself up.

Don't worry. It was just a little head sweat dripping down my chest.

133.8

hell in a hand basket scale.

its gonna be a better weekend

DeAr ChOcOlAtE~

STOP CRAVING ME!!!

love,
Teri

A little quote....

Be careful of your thoughts... they become your words.
Be careful of your words.... they become your actions.

So therefore, I will think thin healthy thoughts. I will say thin healthy words and then I will be thin and healthy.

Our minds and our ability to choose are powerful powerful weapons in all aspects of life, in regards to our health and weight as much as anything. MiNd OvEr MaTtEr!!

Dear Universe

I wanted to inform you I am ordering my swim suit for the summer... right now, like as I type this.

Victoria's Secret sent out this little piece of tankini zebra heaven and because you might not know this, I am a little obsessed with zebra print. And I looked ABSOLUTLY everywhere for it last year... with no luck. But this is a new summer and apparently the designers were on my side because I have found it, and I am ordering it. I am ready for you warm weather, Roaring Springs, and feeling confident in a swim suit. (Ya know, I have lost 15 lbs since my last summer tankini, so it's a little big... YaY!! gO mE!!!)

Anywho... just remindin' everyone... summer is around the corner and like a car that needs gasoline and oil changes, or body needs maintained and frequent work (hehe not like surgery work, but nutritious foods and exercise work) to maintain it too. I feel like if we work hard through the winter, we can be proud of what we have been hiding under the covers (or clothes) once summer comes round. And if you haven't been working and preparing for the summer... you still have 3 good months to jump start. I feel like I have been preparing for this summer where my muscles are finally more defined and most the extra fat is finally gone, for like... well 24 winters.

Yay for swimsuit confidence!! Let me help you, if you aren't quite ready let's get you started on a 5 &1 plan from Take Shape for Life and get rid of some extra pounds while starting a gym plan to sculpt your muscles!!! Email me!

131.3

While last week with almost the same weight I was feeling sad, this week is different. I have been eating nutritiously clean through the week. I got my new Oxygen magazine and was inspired by some nutrition tips and some new muscle building workouts.

I have worked out hard this week. And I am starting to wonder if my higher than I really like Friday weight might be having an affect of ,y late night workout Thursday workout, back to back with my 430am Friday morning workout. Maybe my body just isn't having time to recover scale wise.

None the less today was a good day when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I felt like my muscles were more defined and and my stomach was flatter.

I don't care what the scale says when I am able to see definition and feel good, strong and powerful. Because as we all know, weight is just a number.

A ReCap Plus a Little

So I am recapping an article I read by Jamie Eason called "Firestarters" in the March 2011 issue of Oxygen (my favorite health and fitness magazine). It sorta spoke to me and I thought I would share

She talks at first about how it seems like with life in general and in relationships people go through periods of time. The falling in love, the maintenance and then sometimes breaking up. There will always be ups and downs and stressors in our relationships but she says it is how we cope with those things that determine the success or failure of our relationships. When we make it through a setback or a bump in the road in relationships, or in our healthy lifestyle we more often than not feel stronger having been through the trail. We are able to choose to get through the bump with more motivation to keep on going and work harder, or we can choose to let it bring the whole house down and eat the whole box of doughnuts.

I, like the author didn't have a hard time so much in the beginning of my road to a healthy lifestyle. I had set goals-- running 3 miles, running a half marathon, becoming a health coach to real people, and becoming a fitness instructor. Those were goals I set and once they were achieved I sometimes have felt like, "what's next?" I have felt it easier to slack off a little because I stopped posting my weight on my blog, and I am not heading up any weight loss competitions. I have achieved and maintained my weight loss goal. This is where Jamie recommends we do something new to recommit to our health and fitness goals. Take a new class (like bootcamp at IAC Tues and Thurs) a dance class, kick boxing or join a running club.

"Anything worth keeping for the long term requires regular maintenance," Jamie quotes and I would go a bit further to say anything worth having is a lot of work, but in the long run the hard work is what makes it worth having. If it were easy to be eating healthy and working out everyday, everyone around us would be in shape. Obesisty is an epidemic in the United States in portion because everyone wants things instantaneously. They want to sit on the couch and watch tv, or eat fast food, or take HCg and get skinny quick only to end up gaining all their weight back because they didn't go through the blood, sweat, and tears it took to get every damn pound off their body.

How important is overall health in your life? How important is it to feed your body healthy "clean" foods, how important is it to make it to the gym a few times a week for a sweat session? What brings you joy and happiness long term? Is it that ice cream that looks soooo good right now, or is that first 5 mile run, or first mastering of a yoga pose? Is it fast food and watching the Biggest Loser on TV, or is nutritious food and being your own biggest loser?

The author warns: "Do not waite until change is forced upon you or you come to a breaking point" (like disease, cancer or broken bones etc) Plan ahead. If you need to set goals like a 5k race, or becoming a health coach (I can help you with that) or looking fantastic in a swimsuit for your vacation you have worked your butt off to earn... then so be it. Whatever it takes for YOU to make YOURSELF the best, healthiest, strongest, happiest person you can be.

My frieds, remember the best is truly yet to come....

Look out!!!

It's Tuesday night. I had a rockin 16 people in my boot camp class. I ate well today. I worked out hard.

I got my new issue of my fave magazine-- Oxygen and I am ON Freaking Fire!!! about being healthy and strong and IN SHAPE!!

So, expect an amazing, inspiring, motivating post coming from me very very soon, like tomorow when I recap what I have learned!!!

Until then-- eat healthy, be strong, workout hard and bust a friggin move yo!!!

I don't want to talk about it

I did well Friday night for the bday bash. I will report what I ate not what the scale said Saturday morning because as my tittle insinuates I do not want to discuss that freaking scale.

I am a little ticked off this morning in case you couldn't tell.

Olive Garden. Starving to death by time we sat down. Diet coke ordered check, Carrie wants appetizer, I can handle that curve ball. Ate half portion calamari, half portion stuffed mushrooms, and a cheese stick thing. Salad. One bowl of soup. Two friggin breadsticks. Two. That's it. Two. and one small tiny part of another before I tore it up and hid it from myself as we waited for the check.

Left feeling victorious. I basically stuck to my plan. My stomach was so bloated though. Ya everyone thinks it is the diet coke. Shut up I tell them. It's the only thing I get. Diet soda, 0 calories. I want to feel good about it. So shut up if you agree and think I shouldn't drink it. :o) Just kidding you can offer advice if you want :o)

Skipped bowling. Went shopping for a minute (lingerie if you were wondering... it was fun, funny, and hilarious. Embarrassed friend Amy as much as humanly possible. Laughed a lot). Decided on a movie. I also believe in diet coke and popcorn at a movie. I went against everything I stand for (haha) and got a ridiculously high priced bottle of water and didn't even eat 2 kernals of popcorn. I had one kernel, that was it. Felt victorious again. Walked to car, friends partook of those cupcakes (my fave by the way, the birthday cake kind). Didn't eat ONE!!! Didn't eat one, one lick of frosting and that was it. Not one cupcake out of an entire batch... I can't believe it as I type it.

So I felt healthy, strong, like I was full of willpower.

And the scale Saturday morning was ugly. Higher than Friday and I shall not report because I am too mad and sad.

Yesterday worked out again, had a decent day with food. I did splurge on sushi and some fro yo for vday with my lover muffin and the scale was worse today. And now I am just pissed off and I can't decide when I am going to care again.

I even put my little guy on the scale to see if something was wrong with that weight watchers scale, maybe it's broken or something ya know!? Ya, no-- it weighs him right on.

What is with this crap? I don't know I can't even add any positive reinforcement in this last paragraph because I am just too mad, sad, and annoyed. I don't know what the crap is going on but I really pray that something balances out-- and soon or I am going to have to hop back on my Take Shape for Life plan and get busy with meal replacements until I can gain back enough control to steady my weight back out.

Dang it all to hell.

Sad Sad Girl

131.2.

Today is i believe the second time I have truly thought about lying and posting a lesser weight than I actually weighed. (I refrained that time and this time fyi, that is truly what the demon scale said this morning)

I knew it was gonna be rough this week, trying to recover from weekend vacation of stuffing my face full of all sorts of naughtiness.

i almost did recover though until Wednesday night came. I was a bit of a glutton as my mother would say. I ate 4 muffins. Ya ya who cares about 4 muffins? Well normally I wouldn't because in my old life 4 was really just getting warmed up. And these were healthy high fiber good for ya kind, but I felt so disgusting on number 3, then threw 4 in my mouth and even as I was chewing I was thinking why, why, why are you stuffing yourself moron? But I kept at that 4th one.

Last night was a good boot camp class. Only 7 people. Where the crap are all my people?! Get your butts back to boot camp people!! hehe just kidding I don't want to go all the time either.

We burned 55o calories in case you were wondering.

I chugged a whoooooole lotta water hoping it might flush out some of the calories from my body. I think it worked a little because today was actually a lot better than my eating deserved.

I was thinkin bout how sad I was last night that my self control was down because of stress in my life. Why do I sabotage myself like that? Sad day, eat some food. Mad day, eat some food. Kids screamin, eat some food. Happy birthday party day, eat some food. I have taught myself to be better than that this past year, or maybe not better than that... but I have taught myself to exercise more discretion when eating. I don't have to eat 5 of everything, because I can eat one... and guess what? Have left overs later! What a novel idea. And, I don't need to eat to stuff emotions. I am allowed to feel emotions and have reactions. That is normal human behavior.

So, as i was bustin a move early early at the gym today (almost 850 calories, I was proud. Also ran my first ever sub 8 minute mile) I had five million different posts going through my mind. But today the most important is my plan of action for the birthday celebration i am attending tonight.

Problem one for Teri? I am a carb addict. It is painfully hard for me to limit my carbohydrate intake. Olive Garden for dinner tonight?! Holy crap that is like taking a kid into a candy store. DANGEROUS!! My plan you might ask? Because I do have a plan.

Fail to plan, plan to fail.

One breadstick, soup and as much salad as I want. Of course diet coke because I don't believe in going to a restaurant without a soda. :o) Ok, I think I should say 2 breadsticks because i don't know if i will be strong enough in the moment to refuse after only one. I can do two. And cupcakes, my favorite kind by the way. One. That means one total, not one right now as I am baking, a bunch of batter and one cupcake tonight. It means one. I reiterate not because I think you can't read, but because I must remind myself several times. One, one, one. I can do this. No cupcake tastes as good as my new body feels and looks.

That is my plan. I shall report in the morning. And I shall also report the dang number on the scale for added accountability that I just do better with. Even though only 5 of you read this :o)

A locker Room full...

of old ladies today after step class!!!

It was so funny! I was getting out of the little enclosed dressing room, because I still feel like I am 13 and need to be covered from people seeing my lady parts. Why do people feel the need to walk through the locker room nakey by the way? I swear everytime I wander in there to use the bathroom I almost run smack into a naked older lady. I mean really. Can't they just use a towel?

Anyway. As I was finishing getting dressed in private I couldn't help but laugh to myself. The locker room was crowded and loud. At 10am. Why was it so busy you might ask? Because Silver Sneakers was getting ready to start and water aerobics just finished. There were probably 10 or 15 senior ladies in there just gabbing and laughing and gossiping. It sounded like my volleyball team before a big game in the good ol' days.

I loved it. Those old ladies all getting together to exercise and visit after. I hope when I am a senior citizen I will still be making my health a priority. One lady was late because of her husband, another lady said "lucky you" (she probably doesn't have a husband anymore I would venture to bet), and I was just impressed by these older versions of me. They weren't skinny, and if I had to guess-- I would say they make a mean dinner and a delightful batch of chocolate chip cookies like every other Gramma... but these ladies were taking time for themselves first, and I hope I can say the same when I am their age.

Go Silver Sneakers!!

Wouldn't it be fun? friday 130.5

If every single person who read this made a comment?!

Even if it was "Ya, I hear ya." or "Teri, you are full of crap!" or "I want to come to class, get me a guest pass" or "I accidently found this blog and I keep coming back to see what piece of geniusness you will post next." or "I am just commenting because you asked me too." or this would be a good one "Teri, I have a question about you, your class, Take Shape for Life, a diet I heard about or a new exercise program"

Well that would be fun for me anyway. The stats don't lie. People are reading, which keeps me posting... but I would love to have blogging friends. I blog stalk people all the time, and I even comment on their posts, so I totally wont think you are weird or unusual. I will just love you!!!

C'mon. You know you want to comment. jUsT dO iT!

l.a.m.e

I have been feeling a little iffy this week as to whether my body is trying to get sick.

I have told my subconscious no atleast a dozen times it isn't getting sick. Still I thought I would play it safe and relax. Workout at class, and minimum on my off days. Well the regular spin teacher called at 10 last night and asked me to teach at 530 am today.

Darnit to heck.

Of course I said yes because I appreciate the opportunity to teach and learn more. So I got up, after not sleeping because I was all keyed up about teaching. The class was jam packed (all 14 bikes were full). The energy was pumpin, bodies were sweating, people were breathing heavy, and it was a lot of fun. I want to hate those dumb early morning people, but I can't. I just love em. They are too cool for school. And they make getting my ace up that early totally worth it.

So, I prepped for two weeks for my boot camp class tonight. Stations. Three exercises at each station, one minute a piece. I really thought it was gonna be hoppin. I had new, good music. I was ready to make some people sweat.

9 people showed up. YaWn! (I love those 9 don't get me wrong, but I really love all 15 or 18 when they show up).

After about 5 minutes I was realizing that I wasn't feelin' my class. So I pushed through and tried to be as peppy as I could, but it just wasn't working. So we finished those stations and had about 15 minutes to spare so I rallied and ran the rest of the class like a group strength training. We burned out biceps, lunges, squats, triceps, and calf raises.

I felt a little lame. I was just sad it wasn't hot hot hot, no one was very sweaty, no one was workin it. I hated it.

So, I came home and felt like the emotional eater I am and had to save myself from eating a huge amount of ice cream and chocolate. I just feel lame and lame and a little more lame. Bleh. I haven't dipped into an ounce of ice cream but I'll be honest, I still have an hour and a half before bed and I am not sure how the rest of the night will fair.

Can't waite for Thursday. Bring it on bootcampers. And bring your A game because we are gonna work it work it work it from 6 to 7.

129.7

Feelin good.

Early workout today thanks to my 3 year old being up at the crack of dawn. 430 am to be exact. I couldn't go back to sleep so thought I might as well hit the gym.

I busted a friggin move people!!! I walked on an incline for 20 minutes, the time flew by as I was reading up on a little Red Book action. Then I did a circuit of back lifts, ran a mile ffffaaaast, a circuit of shoulders, ran a mile ffffaaaast, then a circuit of biceps, legs and abs. I was feeling like I should be brave like Amy Jo and had brought my swim suit so I headed into the pool and tried to swim. Well I wasn't that successful because my upper body just isn't quite ready. So I did some jogging, walking, side stepping, and butt kickers in the water. I finished with a little hot tub and sauna session and felt really good about the work that I had put in on my final workout for the week. Saturday I will be working all day, and Sunday is always my rest day with the exception of maybe a light walk.

My goal for tomorow? Make it through the freakin day without buying a dang candy or eating another treat that will wreck my progress. I already have it planned that I will be having to-die-for carrot cake Sunday for my madres birthday. So, if I am diligent I can make it to Sunday eating well, and not ruin my hard work from the week with the cake.

That's a goal. And for the record, I have done well on my previous goals. I have drank more water, I have weighed everyday, and I have drank less soda. Not quite as little as I planned but it is progress and I will take it.

Happy Weekend. Work it people! Oh ya, I felt a little famous this morning. Two different people came up to me and asked me to teach a boot camp class in the morning. They have taken my cycle classes and apparently liked me, so they were hoping I would sign on for a Mon, Wed, and Friday class. Well, life is up in the air right now so I can't, (not that the Athletic Club asked me to, but the people did so it made my heart happy) but I felt honored and appreciated that they asked. I passed on the word to the big boss cordinator at the gym though.

Work it!

success

I had the longest best post ever on success typed and when I hit publish... the stupid blogger said an error occured. Do you think it saved my long winded post?

No it did not.

I can't remember what all I wrote but it felt really important so I guess I will try to recapture all that perfectness I had summed up into one post again.

Stupid blogger.

So where did I begin? Oh yes. I wrote a blurb or a paper when I was a junior in high school with my definition of success as the topic. I felt really philisophical and wise when I wrote it. Pretty sure I got an amazing grade on it, because I usually did and that was a good piece of writing. I want to look for it and print it here and on my family blog. I was in so much of a different place almost 10 years ago that I wonder how much my definition has changed.

Anywho I felt successful today. My kids were driving me loco. I decided to take them outside in the cold for a walk. A little cold can't hurt them, I bundled up good and we headed out. Bubba my 15 month TOTAL BOY was toddling around zigzagging the sidewalks as my 3 year old princess and I waited every few steps for him. He did good for almost half the walk when he decided he needed a break and sat in the stroller. My 3 year old took this as the green light to let her talents shine through she took of running. From about 7 paces ahead of me she looked back a few times and said these things:
"Mom, see I run fast like you!"
"I am running a race mom!"
"I am so tired mom, I am sweatin a lot!"

I sighed a heavy sigh in my own new body. I took great pride in the fact that she knows I run, that she thinks I am cool that I run, and that she in fact has good running form and probably will be a way better runner than I will ever be. That same girl will eat lettuce and celery now, something a year ago she thought was a foreign object that belonged on the floor not her plate... and she would remind me each and everytime by chucking it to the side of the table on to my cleanly swepped floor.

I also giggle at the idea that she thinks I am fast. A turtle would probably beat me in a distance race, but my heart feels happy I have that girl tricked into thinking I am fast. I do say that a lot now that I think about it.
"Look, mommy runs fast. Look at my muscles--I think they are bigger than daddy's now." She always laughs at that one and says "nooooooooooo."

Another prideful moment came this week when my little friend Halle JoJo, I call her, asked her mom if she "worked out like Teri?" or if she was wearing "running shoes like Teri" (I haven't decided if she actually knows I run a lot, or if she just knows I wear sweats and tennis shoes a lot... could go either way) The best part, the pitter to my patter today came when little Miss JoJo yelled up the stairs to her mom to get off the computer so they could go to the gym. That's right she is a trainer at heart. I love that our kids keep us honest and that without even knowing it, they push us to be the best we can be. I love that girl.

I think a big part of my picture of success today looks pretty much like this. My three year old eating healthy, running a race, and thinking her mom is the fastest, biggest muscle chick ever.

Motivation

So I haven't posted in a while... obviously. I kinda think there are only two of you who ever look at this blog and I was sorta getting sick of posting. Then I realized I was noticing a pattern. Lack of blog posts, lack of motivation, lack of staying on track, lack of happy Teri, lack lack lack.

I have made a few decisions, a few things I am willing to change about my health over the next few weeks.
I will post my weight again every Friday, rain or shine
I will limit my soda intake to 1 a day if I drink out at a restaurant or Sonic, or 2 cans a day at home.
I will drink more water
I will weigh myself every day

As most of you know I am no longer on the Take Shape for Life diet. I have been off since the 31st of October. When I went off I weighed 130 lbs, during my break from the gym I somehow managed to get to 126.5. Since returning back to the gym I have maintained 130lbs. I kinda like 126.5 a little better. :o) But I think that the reason for the fluctuation is the muscle tone that is coming in deeper and stronger. I have biceps people! My legs are defined like I have never seen them. My stomach is still an issue, but I can feel the firmness coming... I still have that horrible 1 to 2 inches of fat/streched out skin over the top.

The 1 to 2 inches might be from the fact that each day last week I would say, "today I am going to do it right, make good food choices, and be healthy and strong" and then I would find myself on a 3rd cookie, or in cinnamon toast crunch for breakfast, or in a whole basket of chips at the Mexican restaurant. That isn't me. Who was that girl? What the heck was wrong with me? That isn't who I have worked so hard to become.

I am one month in to teaching boot camp at IAC, am feeling more and more confident with each class I teach. I am enjoying my healthy life. I have felt a little down lately though with the scale sticking to 130 when I feel like I am so knowledgeable about what I should and shouldn't be doing. Although when I am honest with myself I haven't been making the best of food choices most of the time. Anyway, I am still so happy with the progress I have made, and I owe a lot to Take Shape for Life for teaching me how and what to eat to fuel my body.

When I remind myself often to eat to live, not live to eat. My pants feel looser, my walk is a little lighter, and my run is a lot faster.

I am that healthy girl. I am that healthy mom. I am that healthy wife. All because I want to be. I get to choose to be healthy and exercise and eat right because it is what a healthy girl would do, not because I want to weigh a certain amount. I just do it because I should, and because I feel a whole heck of a lot better about myself inside and out... when I do.

Go me! Here is to a great, healthy, strong week. And stay tuned for Friday, let's see what that devil of a scale brings me!

2 A dayS!

Remeber back in high school at the beginning of your sports season when the DREADED 2 a days started? The practice early in the morning, then the practice late in the afternoon? And we thought we were going to die!!!

They made us run. They made us jump. They made us run again.

They watched us do it, unless they were that one coach you will always love and respect.. then they did it with us.

I had a two a day today. Taught cycling class at 530 am, teaching boot camp tonight. I love it. I am back on my A game. I got a little pep talk yesterday from Amy. She said nock it off Hoeksema, get back on yo' game. Carrie left me a little motherly message and here I am. Back in Business yo!!!

I am workin it. Can't waite to see some more muscle definition come through. Can't waite to push my body to a new limit. Can't freekin waite!!

What a lucky girl I am. I am blessed with a body that moves when I tell it to. I am rockin. You are rockin! We are rockin.

Big things for us in 2011. Big goals, big losses, big triumphs. Be big people!!

sub conscious

I had an epiphany this week as I was teaching boot camp. I looked in the mirror and saw a layer of fat over my abs, and a layer of fat over my leg muscles, and a layer of fat over my shoulder blades. I say a layer because it is no longer a large layer, it is now after all this work a rather small layer. I said to myself, that I have the power to choose who I am going to be as a coach and a instuctor. I am at that pivitol point in my health where I can push just a bit further and have those really really defined muscles that people notice, or I can sit where I am and maintain the muscle, and always look at the layer of fat that hides my sculpted muscle.

I decided I wanted to push. I mentally said, "I am going to push through and eliminate this layer of fat." Not by eating less, or by working out out more. But by eating food that fuels my body better, and by targeting these zones while I am at the gym. I am going to get rid of this fat. The fat that taunts the reflection I see in the mirror.

Then I don't know what the crap happened. I feel like I got engulfed in a bit of drama that I did not ask for, I had to work all day, my kids were noisey, I chose to stress over whether or not I get to keep teaching boot camp. And then, I found myself filling my stinkin mouth full of exactly what I had just told myself I wasn't going to eat. And even when I was obnoxiuosly full I decided to eat a little more.

I told Jared last night it was as if my subconscious was laughing in my face. I said I will do A, then instead B happened. I don't even know when or why or how it happened. But here I am today, getting ready to take family pictures feeling fat because the scale said 130 today instead of the 127 I like to see.

When the scale says 130, I think, "well I can't wear those new jeans anymore, they probably don't even fit." or "I can drink another diet soda, there is no calories in it." or "How do I have so little control that I can go from feeling clean and healthy inside because I have worked out, eaten a healthy day's worth of nourishing foods, to eating crap, crap, crap and then a little more crap?"

I beat myself up. I am my own worst critic. So are you. I know that. How do I change it? I know the power of positive thinking really works. I know that when I talk nice to myself I feel better and I exercise more self control, not to the point where I feel deprived, just to the point of feeling confident and in control. I know. I know. I know. But yet here I am on Sunday... feeling like I have to start all over on Monday.

This is one of those posts I wish I had the wisdom at the end to wrap it in a pretty package and present the answer to my readers. But I do not. I don't know how to fix it. I know people think I am insane to cry one bit of a tear over 130 lbs. I need the advice this time. I don't know how to fix it.

Dear Pizza Place

YOU SUCK!!!

Your yummy oooey goodness yesterday was not what I needed. You were good during the lunch hour... but you kept haunting me for the rest of the day. I am sorry but our love affair must end here. I can not allow myself to step foot back in that yummy, nice people who work there, delightful pizza parlor close to my friend Amy's new house. I have x-nayed you from my radar. I can not be trusted in your presence.

Good bye pizza, Ill see you when I am a little stronger, maybe.
stupid stupid stupid pizza place!

true love

It had to have been on my list of top 20 things I have done.

Bootcamp was rockin tonight. I was sorrounded by my sexy hot husband, my very own mommy, good friends, and new friends. I loved every second of that hour long workout and I can't waite to keep bringin' to IAC on Tuesday and Thursday nights.

I had a girl stop in, she said she was sad she couldn't stay for my class and she left her number for me so I could text her when I am teaching cycling next. Booyah. That was a total confidence booster right when I needed it, and 5:57 right before class started.

We worked it. I was suuuhweaty!!! And havin a blast. Everyone who came did so good. I thought I would have a lot of people that weren't in that good of shape there. I was wrong. Most of them prolly coulda kicked my butt, if I would have let them of course.. but that wasn't happenin on my watch!!!!!

Anywho. Make a goal people!! Go to a new class, give a brand new instructor a chance to rock your world. Go buy a new shirt, something to make you feel cool and confident. And, last but not least. If you are nervous, feel like you don't belong, or are scared. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT. I always tell myself if I act like I know what I am doin wearing those skinny jeans... people will think I do know what I am doing. When I was overweight and scared to go into that strength training class 3 years ago, I was so glad one person told me... "you can totally do it." Because I could. I sucked at first, I only did half of everything she told us to do. But before I kenew it, I had pretended long enough and you know what... I did belong.

Bring it resolutioners. Show yourself what you got, what you are made of. You are worth it~!

Welcome

to the gym new resolutioners!!! Wow it was so fun to see so many new faces at Idaho Athletic Club today!! I hope everyone will stay around for a while. It takes 21 days to make a habit so keep on a comin and before you know it... IAC will be your second home too. And you will be stronger, healthier, happier, and feel better about the way you look too.

Come to boot camp tomorow night at 6. I am nervous, but I know you will help me get through it. We can do it. We can be anything we want to be, and we are worthy of the time it takes to improve ourselves to be our best.

Welcome 2011!!!

Two Words

Boot Camp!!!!!

I am officially teaching boot camp at Idaho Athletic Club in Caldwell on Tuesday and Thursday from 6-7 pm. It starts January 4th and I would love love love if you came and sweated it up with me!!!

I am a teeny tiny bit nervous. But I am just going to pretend everyone is naked and I think that will make me feel sooooo much better!! (ew sick I know that was tooo far!!!)

I saw a shirt at the Nike outlet store and I wanted it soooooo very badly. However I refrained. It said "I am your resolution!" Cute huh?! Let me help you with your new you for the new year-- if it is weight loss by Take Shape with meal replacements, or if it is by workin' you over at the gym for BoOt CaMp!! Come play with me!!!

Almost 1 year

I was just typing an email to a prospective client and in it I was retelling my weight loss story. I can't believe it will be exactly one year ago in 3 weeks that I started my journey of total health make over.

I got a new weight watchers scale for Xmas, saw a picture of me and my 2 year old then stood on that new scale and saw 165. I was fat and unhappy. Granted I had a baby a few months prior, it didn't matter I wanted the weight gone.

25 pounds later I was working my ace off, and weighing 140. 140 isn't bad if you watch what you eat, and don't work out, and then watch what you eat some more. But I wanted more. I wanted the muscle I was working 8 hours a week for in the gym to show off. And so I started my Take Shape for Life journey in August.

Almost four months later I stepped on the scale and weighed 129 lbs this morning, and I haven't seen an ounce of exercise, or Take Shape for Life food in 5 weeks. Between Jared being out of town for work, one kid sick, then the next kid sick, then I am sick... I am sad to admit I haven't seen the gym. And I weigh 129 lbs people!! Eating normal every day food, that you- and you- and you eat.

Take Shape for Life is all about the faster lane to weight loss... then transitioning off into normal speed lane of regular food, and maintaing the loss of weight, and expense of money and energy it took you to lose. Total health people.

I have learned so much about how to eat, when to eat, what to eat, and how to keep my total body healthy and strong. I am in l.o.v.e with this program I am a health coach for and I want anyone who is have tried to lose weight and failed, to get in touch with me. There is no choice more imporant than your health.

The price of being over weight is soo much higher than the price of becoming healthy. Medically, physically, and emotionally. You need to be healthy for yourself and your loved ones. Let me help you get there.

1 month Post Take Shape For LIfe

I thought you might all be interested to know....

that I have been officially transitioned off Take Shape for Life for exactly 1 month and I have stayed between 125-130lbs the entire time. Which for those of you who haven't followed my blog for a long time that has been by ultimate goal.

I feel amazing! I am so thankful for what Take Shape for Life has taught me. The way to eat!! The way to live a healthy life!!

If I can reach my ultimate goal, anyone can do it. And I want to help everyone become their best, healthiest self ever!! Call me and let's make this the year you StIcK to that resolution!

Sorround Yourself

I have always heard wise people say to sorround yourself with like minded people, that have similar values, goals, hopes, dreams, and standards.

Today I was reminded how important that is.

I realized how lucky I am to have good friends, and how lucky I am to be a good friend.

I exercised a good friend trait today. I made one of my best friends get out of bed and meet me at the gym. She didn't want to exercise today, she was discouraged and wanted to sleep the annoyance away. I manipulated her into going anyway, and I think she was happy she did.

Good friends have helped me through weight loss struggles, they have:
-met me at the track to make sure I finished my last laps.
-told me to step away from the freaking chocolate cheerios and get my butt to the gym.
-they have believed I could accomplish hard things when even I didn't.
-they have refused to bring soda to me, even when I have begged when they know I am trying not to drink it.
-they have hidden all the candy from their kids bags from me so I would not feel tempted (Even though I searched for it and found it-- it was a thoughtful gesture)
-they have been unoffended when I have returned the birthday cake they made for me, because I decided it was time to start losing weight.
-they have told me I look skinny when I feel fat.
-they have recommended and recognized my skills and talents to others.
-they have shared their tips of yummy healthy food choices, and have listened when I have made bad choices and felt guilt.

If a friend or loved one is really a true friend, they will help you on your journey and will build you up and not tear you down. They will not sabotage you and they will not razz you for doing your best.

A good friend is hard to find, if you have found one or some, count yourself lucky and work to keep them.

Happy Heart

So, this might seem like a weird post to post. But my heart is happy and full and so I am posting it anyhow.



My whole life I have struggled in the self confidence area. While other people have had bright shiny talents, something they are really good at and really love-- I have always lacked. I have always wondered if there was something I was good at, or something that I loved. I was never the fat girl, but always the heavier girl. I always worried that when a dance came around in school, I'd be the girl nobody wanted to take. (Partly because I was heavier, partly because I super SUCK at dancing) I always coveted other girls skinny frames. I would work out, but never really feel like anything was working to my advantage.



I got married. I have the hottest husband alive. Really, I think that. I always wondered why he picked me. I couldn't believe it when he would tell me I was hot or pretty or had a nice body. How could he think that? The image in the mirror did not reflect those nice things he said.



I got pregnant. Pregnancy did not treat me well. Yet another damper on the self confidence area. Pregnancy 2 was better. I decided to start this blog 10 months ago and have felt a sincere boost in the way I feel about myself and my abilities, and about the way I look. I write this blog because I think it is important for everyone to realize that I am a normal mom and wife, that stays home, and has made health a priority in my life. And with that priority I have become more confident in myself. If I can do it my friends, let me guarantee you something-- anyone can do it.

So at the end of my 530 am cycling class today, a fellow cycler paid me the compliment of telling me I should get my own class on the off days. Maybe that will happen. Maybe it wont. But the fact that she thought I was capable, and good enough to do it had me floating on cloud nine all day. She will never know how happy she made me. But it is a testimony to me of being nice, kind, and building other people up. We never know how the people are affected by the things we say. Thank you to that sweet lady, who sweated her butt off in my class today.

I will never be the best instructor, the skinniest girl in a crowd, or the best at anything maybe... but I am finding myself and finding things that I really love-- getting healthy, maintaining and pushing my fitness to a new level, and watching people around me succeed in their health, when in a lot of cases they thought they never could orwould. I finally feel like all those times I was "faking in until I made it," are starting to pay off.

Our bodies are what we make them. We can do hard things. We can set goals and achieve them... and nothing, my friends is impossible.

A well deserved prize!

SOOOO.... I finally have gotten the opportunity to sub for some cycle classes!!!!!!!!!!!

I might be a bit stoked about it still.

Well my classes (6 classes in fact) are either at 6 pm.... or 530 FREAKIN am!! Can you believe it? I got my butt up to get to the gym at 430 yesterday!

It rocked my little world. It was soooo fun. Well the early thing wasn't that great, but it was an opportunity I am so thankful for. There were 10 of us in class and that is BIG to me. It was so much fun. I was yelling and woohooing and pushing it to the max... oh ya and I was DRENCHED in sweat. And so were some of the other riders.

Anywho, the point is. If you are that person who has thrown away any excuse about not having time to work out, and has gotten your A up at 5am (or whatever is SO early to you) to burn some calories.-- you rock, my friend! I am proud of you! And if you are still telling yourself that you don't have time to work out, I promise, promise, promise you... that you do. You just have to sacrifice maybe to find that time. I read yesterday in a health magazine this quote... that I have heard time and time again and it has touched me to the core in many aspects of life "Anything that is worth having, or doing... is A LOT of work!"

It will not be easy. It is always a decision to get there, to exercise, to eat the almonds and not the candy bar or the salad and not the whole pizza... but they are choices that lead up to a VERY BRIGHT future. Total health is a journey and a amazing, fullfilling freaking ride at that!

Make the choice today to be your best self.

Another Week

Here I sit, another week come and gone. Time is flying by and I can't believe how excited I am about Take Shape for Life.

I am still working hard. I am in the gym atleast 5 days a week. Working hard to gain muscle and strength, and watching and learning from the other trainers so one day I can have a class and share my knowledge of fitness with a group. I am still eating 4 or 5 Medifast meals a day, and 1 or 2 lean and green meals. My body is responding and it is delighting in its new found glory.

My size. My size! I bought a small sweater today, first time in my entire life I have bought a small anything. I told my husband this weekend, after apologizing for buying another pair of pants, that I feel like it is now an obligation to dress cuter. (ha, he didn't buy it either) I have never in my life had the confidence that I do right now. I feel good. I look in the mirror and I am so thankful that Take Shape for Life knocked at my door. It has opened a window I never thought possible. I never in a million years thought I would get on the scale and see 130, I never thought I would walk into a clothing store and buy a size 3/4 jeans (the first pair I tried on, even), I never thought I could wear vertical stripes because it draws too much attention to my middle section. I can do all of those things, and I can do them because I made the decision to change, not tomorow, but I made the choice to change TODAY and everyday.

I feel like I have been released from straps of bondage. Like my real self is finally out of my bigger body and it is shining. I am healthy, I am strong, and I can accomplish just about anything.

Take Shape for Life has shown me that if I can do this program, anyone can do this program. Anyone who has ever looked in the mirror with sadness, has ever stepped on the scale with disappointment, has ever walked in to a gym and felt like they didn't belong. Take Shape for Life is for you! It is for everyone who really wants to change. Anyone who really wants to feel the excitement of finding their smaller self. Whether you are 150lbs or 350lbs, this program can and will work for you-- when you make the decision to stop hiding behind excuses, or limits you or your body have set for you. Do not be held back, to not be a victim of your body's desires. Be the boss, be your best self, and let me help you on your journey to total health.

takeshapewithteri@gmail.com