Cravings

Do not go away, apparently. I have been told.

So today, while I was at Maverick, emotional obviously. Because I am an emotional eater. I seriously considered stealing doughnuts, cookies, these pizza bread things, but suprisingly, to tell you the truth... the candy didn't entice me too much. It was all those yummy processed carbs.

It has been a rough day. It seems like I am having more and more rough days which concerns me because I have 81 days of prep left. And while I know that it is going to be here in a blink of an eye, and I wont believe how fast it will have gone by... in these moments of despair, of anger, of sadness, of feeling misunderstood... the time is going by slow.

I have made a plan for post show. It is like this. Nov 20th eat whatever I want all day long. Probably feel really sick. Nov 21st come home and make lots of different types of cookies, that I might share with neighbors or Jared's co workers. And then Nov 22nd, I will eat strictly on my plan again, through thanksgiving (indulging there obviously) and after 1 week I will re evaluate with Big Jon how my eating should look.

For now, I am dreaming about cookies. Oatmeal chocolate chip, chocolate chip, pumpkin chocolate chip, and sugar with cream cheese frosting.

I have been thinking about them all day and I hope to stop very soon. Because they are making my moods more sharp and are making my stomach hurt thinking about them.

2 A days

After Saturday's freak out session I told my husband that any day possible, I will be getting up to do my cardio fasted and then going back to the gym later for my lifting. Better fat burning. I wont be able to accomplish this everyday, but when it works, I will take advantage.

Good thing I was ready because when I got my workout emailed to me it said "1 hr, fasted cardio"

Welp. That went well. Those stairs kill me everytime I am not going to lie. And I could only push out about half my usual exertion levels that early and that hungry. But I made it through and then headed back for round 2 to do my heavy lifting.

One of the girls came up and said she can't believe how much my body has changed so quickly. "Well, thank you!" It is hard to see progress in ourselves, because we see ourselves every day... and pictures only come every few weeks. I could do more often but honestly, I am too lazy and I spend a lot of time alone with my two kids because of my husbands new career and the side jobs he works to keep us financially a float. So thankful for his willingness to work so hard, I wish it weren't this way and am looking foward to the future when we can really have him working less and home more.

Lifting was good. I am getting much stronger and am starting to lift heavier weights. I am almost rid of those 15 lb dumb bells on my sets and I couldn't be happier to say good bye because it seems like the only 2 sets we have, are constantly being used. I have to ask to share with people, or waite to use them and honestly, it gets super annoying. I just want to get in and get out and I don't want more rest than I need between sets.

Showering at the gym today was interesting. I was there later than I usually am due to 2 a days and my almost 4 year olds new preschool schedule. So, the locker room was full of older ladies and lots of nakedness. I have said it before and Ill say it again a lot of nakedness freaks me out. I do not enjoy being naked anywhere but in my own bedroom and I wish more other people felt that way too. But they do not, but I will say when I am in a hurry I am thinking less about my own nakedness and more about getting the heck outta there to pick up my almost 2 year old from the daycare.

Bought a bunch a chicken breasts on sale today. And a sugar cookie for my kids. It is sorta weird how everytime I give/buy them something I literally CAN NOT have, I feel like freaking wonderwoman cutting/serving it to them knowing full well there aint a chance in heck that I will succomb to eating it. But I sorta think it's a little crazy that I am still feeding them this crap that I know they don't need. I don't want them to feel deprived because I am in contest prep so I maybe over compensate by giving them stuff I wouldn't usually think twice about. That is sorta crazy now that I think more about it.

Anyway, since I am deprived, they should have more. Who knows that is nuts... I'll get it figured out one of these days.

In the mean time, I have 13 minutes before my next meal so I want to go get it ready so I can eat exactly at 2pm. I am hungry.

Happy Monday!

Sleep

I am in training, it is 10:30 pm and I should be sleeping. I have been up since 4 am, with a stubborn 2 year old boy......

I went to a show today. I was feeling so ok after it. I did my training, an extra 5 minutes on my stair climber that I used to hate but love now because it better make my butt look better than theirs did today.

And then I started wigging out. I have been freaking out, like almost having a panick attack since 9. I don't know if my hubby is going to make it to my show due to his new job... I may be doing a show 2 weeks early as well as Nov. 19th to just check it out and hopefully get prejitters out. He might not be able to come to that either.

I am spending a butt load of money that I don't really have to do this. I have all 4 of our birthdays between now and my real show in Washington Nov. 19th.

I feel like crap from my treat/cheat meal at lunch today. My stomach is bloated. I feel like a fat cow and I am FUUUUREAKING out that my body isn't going to be ready and I have my ducks in a row and I am going to be disappointed and I can't sleep, can barely breathe I just cant chill the heck out.

First Show Viewing

A girlfriend and I had a girls day today!

Oh my fun.

Out of the house, no kiddos, half my workout done by 845 am.... cheat meal (steak tacos, chips and salsa... then banana pieces with walnuts and peanut butter.... seriously best dessert ever!!!!) at noon. It was great!

We went to the Boise NGA show. They had bikini (wow), figure short (5'4 and under) figure tall (5'4 over) figure novice (younger I guess) and figure something else that I think meant older.

Then boys bodbuiliding which I wasn't as in to. I was there to see the ladiez. Which is kinda weird as I type it. But truth it is. And fyi, the boys did look good too. Not as good as my man of course!!!

The girls looked really good. And I have an extreme amount of respect for the prep work that goes into a show. Some looked AMAZING, and some looked mediocre... however I am sure each worked super duper hard to get on that stage.

Nerves played a big role, and probably carbohydrate shortage played a big role. Some were really shakey and their poses weren't really good. (This was just prejudging, I guess I still don't know what an actual show looks like).

I had my bets on winners and a couple girls I wondered why they were on stage. Not to be rude, because they did look confident and it does take so much courage to stand in a small suit on a big stage in front of any audience but they really didn't have business being there.

The thought crossed my mind, that I really could possibly be one of those girls. My stomach IS covered in stretch marks, my butt does have dimples all below my cheeks. My legs do jiggle when I walk. It is very possible that I could bust my ass for the next 3 months and my body could just not do what it is supposed to do.

It will not be because my trainer does not know what he is doing. I honestly feel like I am in the best hands possible. I highly recommend him and respect him and his wife a great deal. He knows his stuff, he knows what to do, and I will continue to follow his guidelines to the T. I will not not be ready because I didn't follow a workout, or because I missed a stair climbing day, or because I cheated on my nutrition. If I am 2 weeks out and my stomach is saggy, and my butt has dimples all over it. I will pull out. Period. End of story.

I will work my ass like it has never been worked for the next 2 months and 24 daysish. AND I will evaluate with the expertise of Big Jon, and my hubbers --if my body does not look like it will belong on a stage of figure competitiors it will not stand on stage with competitors and I will not be ashamed of pulling out at that point. I do not need to stand on a stage to write a story for myself, to make a name. I do not need to have a judge tell me my stomach is not tight enough or my butt is too jiggly, if in fact it is.

And I will be ok with it. I will.

I have less than three months to get my body to its peak. The absolute best it has ever ran, looked, and felt. If it is ready, we will show Olympia what this Mama has to show. And otherwise, I will take a trip to Seattle and watch a show, or who knows-- maybe just stay home and play for the weekend. And life will go on like any other ol day and I will feel satisfied with giving my absolute all to this cause.

And if I am ready. If my body responds correctly I am gonna rock that friggin stage like nobody's bizness. I will pose, I will practice walking, I will strut what my momma gave me because this is a butt load of work and I will smile my pearly whites on the day that my body looks like it belongs on a stage in a small swim suit.

Swimsuit colors. My next item to discuss. There were a lot of teals, and a lot of purples. Jared voted for bright yellow. But my tan will come off on that so I have to have a darker color. I am thinking grassy green color, or coral color. Less jewels than more, I thought they were distracting. Hair definitly will stay dark and short, possibly shorter than now (pending Amy agrees with me of course) I thought the shorter hair girls had less work to do to show their definition and it didn't distract from their physiques. Don't know about jewlery. Some girls had really pretty rhinestones bracelets that were shiney and flashy and pretty. No tattoos (obviously) No belly button rings (duh) Not too much tan, just enough. My glass slippers (5 inch yo) are on order, and I shall be walking in those as much as possible to get confortable moving, turning, and standing in those. I haven't worn much for heels since pre baby.

Well, that's my assesment of the day. It was good. Good eye opener. Good to just take it all in and evaluate how I feel about it all. May be more to come. But for now, that is all!!

Some iron and a stair climber are callin my name so I am gona go get my gym jam bag packed and ready.

Dear You,

Have you ever walked into a store and looked at the very first thing you saw... realizing it had horizontal stripes on it-- and if you wanted to, you could wear it looking good?

Have you ever looked through a sales rack and been able to buy almost anything you wanted because there are so many smalls on clearance?

Have you ever looked at clearance bikinis and thought, "I could wear that, that or that?"

Have you ever picked out a whole outfit and bought it with out trying it on? Because, you know that you can in fact wear just about anything?

Have you ever regretted eating chicken, brown rice and broccoli for lunch everyday for 4 weeks?

I can say yes to all of these things today. The last one, the chicken thing... I decided today, at the store, that I don't regret. The food I am eating is fuel for my body, it fills the void as I heard my incredibly smart Aunt say one time.

For the first time in 25 years, and I am not exagerating, I have walked in and out of a store knowing that I can wear absolutly anything I want and it will more than likely look good on my body. The color may not be good, the style may not be good, but it will fit. And a small or medium will for sure fit. I have cried in dressing rooms, I have left determined to starve myself to lose weight, I have tried on 30 pairs of jeans and not found one pair that complimented my figure in my lifetime.

I am not saying this to be conceited, or egotistical. This is the product of intense training and nutrition that fuels my body. I have hard days, obviously, see yesterdays post. But today is a good day. Where I feel so grateful that I have been lead to people who have helped me look the way I have never thought possible to look, and where I feel as beautiful on the outside as I have always on the inside.

So yes, I do get bored of eggs, chicken, spinach and protein shakes. I do get bored, AND terribly angry at the stupid stair climber. But I do not get bored of seeing my husband get a grin when someone says "whose wife is that?" at his new job. I do not get bored of knowing I can wear horizontal stripes on a shirt. I do not get bored of knowing I can wear a two piece if and when I feel like it. I do not get bored of being able to outlift half the guys at my gym. I do not get bored of feeling good in the skin the good Lord gave me. I do not get bored of hearing my baby girl say "Mommy, you have big muscles."

I posted a quote last week on facebook, that I think is so true. So important for YOU to get. For YOU to understand. YOU can be whoever you CHOOSE to be. CHOOSE health, CHOOSE to be strong, and fit. CHOOSE to experience the best your body can be. And, if you need help or guidance, let me know.... I have some paying it foward to do!!

No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." - Socrates

Emotional Coaster

I asked Big Jon today, if it is easy for him, the diet. I said "Do you just not think about food. Is it just fuel for you, and no emotions are tied to it."

He shook his head "yep."

Cuz I have texted him atleast 10 times this week saying one of these things...
"I want to chop my own arm off and eat it."
"I know I am only supposed to have 1 diet drink everyother day, and I am drinking my second right now. I can't stop"
"I want to lick my sons face, it is covered in ice cream"
"These fat people eating all this food at the fair are killing me"
"Are you sure there is no peanut butter in my diet?"

And then there were thoughts like these, that went unsaid...
"I am a stupid motha f$@$#% why did I tell people I am doing a figure show, now I can't back out. I don't want to back out, I want to do this. I don't want to be such a biotch though. I want to eat those oreos, bread, cake, cookies. And that peanut butter, and those bananas. I have to quit. I can't keep going, this is tooooo hard. I hate it. If it isn't fun I shouldn't be doing it. If I am being such a grump, my kids are going to hate me. What if someone die tomorow and I have been grumpy with them today, and that is how I will remember my last time with them. What if I die and all they remember is I am a grumpy mom? It's only 3 more months, I can do this. I can be happy. I can be nice. Then why am I so annoyed AGAIN? Why, why can't he stop crying or fussing at me. How many minutes on the stairs tomorow. DAMN I just want to be fat again. I want to eat oatmeal, right now. With blueberries, Take that Jon!!! Damn him. Damn me paying him money and now I am stuck. Better not order my shoes, I will prolly back out cuz this is TOOO hard. Better order my shoes before I back out. I want to look like this, I want to look better. Well then idiot, you have to eat like this. I don't want to eat like this. I am not hungry, what's the problem then? Why are you whining when you aren't hungry? I don't want to work out anymore either. I hate that friggin stair climber. I do like when people think I am cool for being on it though. I do like it when people notice I look better, I do like noticing I do look better. What's my weight? I don't friggin know I am only supposed to weigh two times a week and I am trying to waite til Friday but that makes me super annoyed so why am I such a goodie two shoes and doing everything exactly the way it is written? Because I want to look like I belong on stage, because I want to look better than most the other girls. Because I want to go big or go home. Those are my words. Why am I not living up to them? Why can't I just go on a mini vacation, why would I want a mini vacation when I can't eat junk food the whole time? Why do people go on vacation if they can't eat junk. Why does my life center around food. What the hell is wrong with me?"

In case you wondered what I have been thinking that is it. I went to facebook looking for some feedback. A couple girls I have become friends with have done or are doing shoes. And they are amazing and I don't remember ever hearing them whine. They gave me little pep talks that helped. It is nice to have some positive reinforcement. I just had a yumym dinner, 4 oz chicken seasoned super yummy. spinach salad and 1 cup of asparagus with olive oil and mustard. It was soo good. I want it again right now, but I get some eggs soon. Those will be good too.

I want to do this show. I want to prove to myself that I am capable. I want to look that good. I want to have a crazy a dark fake tan, fake nails, a small suit and big muscles. I WANT THIS. I want it, so I need to shut the heck up and think about how good it is going to feel to get up on that stage, a new person from the old me. I am ready to play nice again, to be positive and loving and to remind the people I love that I love them, and to act like it.

I hope tomorow is better than today, and Friday is better, and Saturday will be rocking because I have a girls day planned and a cheat meal too so it is gonna be great.

I got this. GO big or GO home. Nobody is holding me back, but me. It's all about me yo.

Interesting, This was my post almost exactly 6 months ago. My how time changes, quickly

http://poundpinching2010.blogspot.com/2011/02/please-forgive-jumble.html

Breath Taking

So I have been on my supplements for 3 weeks now. (50 mg caffiene pre workout, 5 grams glutamine and BCAA's).

And, I have this annoying, annoying, annoying problem that I keep sorta gasping for air. I yawn five million times a day, and approximately every 4 yawns, I get a successful one and a deep glorious fresh breath comes in and makes my body feel euphoric.

My hubby says it is the caffiene. I stop caffiene, 3 days. I still have this breathing issue. I have it all through my workout, all through my day, if I am laying in bed reading... I am still having this darn oxygen issue.

Me being me, asked a million people what could this be. A million answers. I decided to go see a dr, the one I have always seen before when I had health insurance, and the one I see now that it is back. Yay for hubby's new job.

Dr thinks, it is the BCAA's. Too much for my (personally) kidneys to handle and so it is screwing with the acididity of my stomach... then he went into a bunch of words/reasonings that were WAY over my head. Story short, we did blood work. If it is what he suspects, I need to reduce or cut the BCAA's and go from there. Blood work should be back in a couple of days. I also received a tentanus shot for good measure and will find out my cholestrol numbers too. Yay for physicals.

Today is day 2 of getting my butt out of bed before 530 am to get my workout in before I have to drag the kids to daycare. It has been nice getting it out of the way and having time to do things with the kids, like taking them to the park and listening to my 2 year old, Bubba, scream and cry the whole way home from 15 minutes away because he wants to hold his orange drink in my car.

That boy tests me like no other. The thought crossed my mind atleast 5 times to beat him. Though, I figured he'd cry more and I'd feel bad so I just turned the music off and listened to him. My little bug (4 year old almost) was getting so mad at him she told him, and got in trouble for saying "shut your mouth Bubba." Funny, really. I was thinking the same thing.

Balancing act is beginning. Figuring out time to get my workout in, spend time with the kids, husband, husbands new job, pre school, family and friends events, that I don't want to miss out on but feel like if I have one more freaking temptation shoved in my face I might either kill someone, or eat a whole damn cake.

Just kidding, haven't cheated yet-- except for the designated cheat meals that I am given one time a week. I am looking foward to my next but have to admit that it is very hard to make a decision on what to eat, when I am given the choice of anything sans a couple choices. And it is also very hard to drink my protein shake at the end of the day after that cheat when I think I should have a graham cracker and peanut butter instead.

I was telling someone today, it really isn't the cake and ice cream I miss. Though, those do sound good too, and I will be eating plenty of that immediatly following my show. It is just the greek yogurt, tomatoe's and cucumber salad, berries in my oats. Really, it's the healthy stuff so I think that is a good sign for my post competition worries.

Progress Baby

Guess what?! Monday was progress day. Don't tell my hubby though, because he thinks progress day is Friday. Yes I lied to him, no I don't like lying to him. It's for a good cause. It's my cover for his surprise graduation party on Friday. Don't tell, or I will call the cops. hahahaha get it, call the cops? Hilarious.
Anywho. This is me baby!! Sorry they are so small. I am technology illiterate and I do not know how to fix this so please squint if you really care.Back pose. It is time for me to start posing. My poses are very different and I do not know what I am doing with them. I do not want to look like that on stage. So my shoes need to get her ASAP and I need to practice. Anyone want to watch me pose? I need practice in a bikini in front of people. I am thinking Wal Mart. People wear less than this at Wal Mart all the time.
Just kidding.

Side poses. Big Jon is happy with progress. I am down 1.3% body fat sitting at 15% now. My leg definition is coming in better, and the arms are much leaner. He says once I learn to pose better, I will be able to present my body better and that will also show off more definition.

The stomach is where it is at. It is shrinking. Take that dr who told me I am an excellent candidate for a tummy tuck!!!I am gonna shrink that damn stomach so far and then I am going to mail you a picture of it and say BAM BIOTCH. I do not need a tummy tuck and neither do half your patients. They need Big Jon to give em a diet and a training program. In all seriousness, isn't it amazing what we can make our bodies do? Do you see my starting picture up to the right. That was me, Christmas 2009. Not even two years ago. We can decide what we want to look like. We just have to be willing do be diligent, sweat, and exercise self control. (not that it is just that easy) but it takes practice.

We will all fall down, and find ourselves in the bottom of a cookie bag, or peanut butter jar from time to time. But that is natural. Set backs come, it is the difference of dusting ourselves off, and starting again. Remembering that WE are worth the time that it takes to sculpt our bodies into the beautiful piece of art they were meant to be.

What are you doing TODAY to sculpt yourself into the person you were meant to become? Physical, Spiritual, or Mental. I don't care. Let me hear it.

Just a little Eye Candy....

of me!!!
Haha My back muscles are coming in!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheater

So glad I am the new Teri who doesn't go crazy and eat like a freak when she has emotions like :happiness, sadness, anger, frustration or any other feeling.

The new Teri just gets mad and writes mean blogs. Then she stews about it for a bit, and eventually she gets over it. The new Teri also likes to workout after angering events in her life happen, but unfortunatly my body didn't have juice for another 2 hour workout so I called it a day.

I got the loving words from my trainer today again... cheat meal baby!!!

Ya I did it up right this time.

Last week was a let down, I ate a banana with penut butter (Actually, there may have been 2 bananas involved.) (don't judge, the only fruit I eat right now is apples) a little dry spinach salad with strawberry's and a small, plain hamburger on a whole wheat bun. I mean it was ok, but it just didn't live up to my expectations.

Well TODAY!!! My friends I was ready. I was prepared. Plan went like this, banana and penut butter with a few walnuts for appetizer. And then some chips and salsa and steak tacos from my favorite Mexican restaurant.

Well, in the moment it was bombfreaking.com I tell YOU!!!!!!! O-2-the-m-Gosh it was heaven. I thought to myself several times during my appetizer that I don't know why I ever wanted ice cream or pie because banana plus penut butter plus walnuts all sliced up is like pure heaven in a white bowl. I mean. Hmmmm, it was sorta like the best thing I have eaten in a month. Really, that good. I might have a little obsession with it. I can't even keep bananas in the house right now. Only on Saturday a few can be boughten, kids and hubby can have them Saturday or Sunday. No other days are acceptable during prep time.

Mexican food was GOOD. I mean, not as down right ghetto fabulous as my appetizer but it was still good. Beat the heck outta my chicken, rice and broccoli lunch I am not going to lie.

But then I had to stand up from that table and walk to the car. IT HURT. I mean, I didn't go crazy and eat like 3 baskets of chips. My hubs and I shared 1 basket, and I ate 3 tacos. I always eat 3 tacos. Ohhhhhh,,,, the pain in my stomach. I wish I had had the camera because if someone would have seen it, they'd a been talkin smack behind my back speculating if it was a boy or a girl in my oven.

My trainer said that is normal. When your body isn't used to processing those carbohydrates that our bodies don't really need, they then get a bit confused upon trying to process them. There is more science behind these cheat meals than I can remember but my guru says they are good for my metabolism and I say they keep me from jumping off a cliff. Each day my meals are fairly routine and sometimes, the only thing getting me to get that chicken and asparagus down my throat is the fact that in __ days I get to have me some whatever the heck I want.

Anywho, thought I should document the good, bad and the ugly cuz if I were a newby (ha, like I am not now) and I were researching whether I wanted to do a figure competition, I would want to know the dirt. Not just the "ohh, ahhh, I have nice muscles, I have a nice painted on tan, and fake nails and look like the HOTTEST dang barbie you have ever seen" (wow, I am really getting a little crazy tonight. Could be the carbs.)

Well, until the next time I get a cheat meal, in one week. It's back to protein, veggies, and not nearly as much healthy fat as I like. :o) Which reminds me I said this to Big Jon the other day.....

"Hey, how about I get a little more almond butter in my life, and a little less olive oil."

He said "ya, probably not."

It was worth a shot. I got a pickle outta him when I told him I thought I was gonna eat my own arm. A girl has gotta do what a girl has gotta do.

Rant

You have been warned. If you don't want to hear my spill, stop reading now.

And if you are reading this and judging me negatively, talking negatively behind my back expecting I wont find out, or are going to use anything at all on this blog for anything other than entertainment, inspiration, or to cheer me on.... PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS STOP READING AND DON'T COME BACK!!

The reason I have this blog is to document what a journey I have been on. Have you gone back through all 300 and some posts to realize that I started out as a 165 overweight, unhappy fat mom? Do you realize that I have given up, started over, given up and started over 100 times in the past almost two years? Do you realize that I am human and I have feelings and when you talk bad about me or try to make drama in my life, you hurt my feelings? Well. It's true, you do. And if that is your goal in life PLEASE... go find someone else's blog to stalk, because if you aren't commenting, you are stalking. I don't mind stalkers. I love meeting new friends, I love comments, I love helping people better themselves, I love showing people that we can accomplish anything we are willing to work our butts off for, so if you have been stalking... and you aren't talking crap.. .comment, let's be friends :o)


If you think I am doing this competition for attention. Boy are you wrong. If you think I don't love my hot sexy husband more than anything in this entire world, you are wrong. If you think I am going to get a big head, well you might be right, I might. But that doesn't mean I don't have standards, morals, and obligations that are more important than any worldy "thing." If you have a question about what I am doing, how I am doing it... why don't you do us both a favor and just ask ME?! If you question my intentions, either ask me or mind your own freaking business.

I spend 6 days a week in the gym. During which time I smile at every person I make eye contact with. I am approachable. I am a chear leader. I teach boot camp, I LOVE my class. I am willing to help guide and show by example anything and everything that my knowledge realm permits me to do. I love seeing people make the decision to begin a healthy lifestyle and then choose to stick with it. I genuinely get happy to see someone performing a set of tricep dips with perfect form, I genuinely feel pride in my heart when I see someone running their guts out on the treadmill, and I am SO HAPPY when I can say to someone, "you look great, whatever you are doing must be working."

My whole life I have been the girl who is always capable of puting herself behind and building other people up. A lot of the times at my own expense. Well back the hell off me because I will no longer build you at my crumbling. I am who I am. I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, sister, cousin, instructor, health coach, and fitness enthusiast. I will love you and be loyal to you til the day I die. But if you aren't here, in my space, in my time in my life to do the same for me. Exit now.

I am a new girl, I am a new person. I am done. I am real as real can get, I do not keep secrets. I will not hide the exciting path that I am headed down. But I will not take crap from you either.

By the way, my muscles are getting bigger. I am getting stronger and faster and my confidence in who I am as an athlete is gaining. I have said it before and I will say it again, I am not a naturally gifted athlete, but I have and will continue to put in the time, the sweat and the tears that make this goal of standing on stage to showcase the hard work my butt has put in... and that will be worth every craving, every bump in the road on that day.

MMMM...K?!

The 50 Commandments of Commercial Gym Etiquette

The 50 Commandments of Commercial Gym Etiquette

Why me?

Whoever said girls glisten didn't know me.

Why am I such a freak? It looks like my freakin boobs are leaking!! That is 45 minutes on the stair mill, nothing else. I went to go finish abs and was like.... guess I am p90x'in it up at home cuz I can't walk around with what looks like leaky boobs!!!!

Awkward, but kinda funny too.

Crazy

The difference in attitude two days can make.

Yesterday I was a bad motha who could kick the crap out of anybody (say that in the voice from that movie, ya know the one... I am a bad motha.... and I don't take no crap from nobody. Can't remember what its called or about but I remember that part. The reason I can not remember is because....

I am freaking.exausted. Holy crap, I can seriously barely type this. I mean, I am not sleepy. I have been getting really really good sleep. But my body is torn up exhausted.

Today was leg day. Dear Big Jon, I love you, I love to pay you to make me want to vomit for two hours at the gym. NOT! Jacker! :o) Today was by far my hardest training session. Guess what leg day plus 40 minutes HIIT on the stair mill make me? They make me the stair mills biotch. Because omgosh. Freaking hard. Like, really I can't say it enough. It was rough.

I have been what I consider pretty hardcore up in the club workin on my fitness (sing from Fergies song here), for the last 6 months. But, hardcore regular life Teri aint got nothin on figure competitor in training Teri. I mean, DANG!!!!!!

So in case you wanted a replay from my after legs lifting on the stair mill. It was like this. level 1 recovery (I usually recover at level 3) level 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and max 15. My max so far has been 18 but today I just didn't have it in me.

I kept saying naughty naughty things in my head, and I wanted to quit 20 times. Like really, do you understand? I wanted to get off and go the hell home and sleep on the couch.

I didn't, I finished. I hated every dang minute, but I finished. I feel like in all areas of life, sometimes it is about showing up and finishing. That's it. Just being there.

I taught a lesson this weekend at church and one of the quotes was "a world class athlete does not become world class resisting rigorous physical training."

I do not intend to be world class anything. But I am gonna be MAMA CLASS FIGURE GIRL and I will not resist vigorous training. The only thing standing between the person we want to be, is the person we think we are.

I am straight up, hardcore, legit, mama fabulous. And I am gonna be rockin a small bikini showin off some SERIOUS training in about 3 months baby.

Swearing

Dude, I don't know what it is!!! But I have started swearing like, a lot! Its weird, because mostly I do it in my head when I am like on rep 7 of 15 and I am like "ahhh, hell no. I got this"

Or when I am on the step mill on minute 27 at level 17 I am thinking "I own this son of a...."

It kind of makes me chuckle inside. Like, I start getting bigger muscles, and I sorta feel like a bad a$$.

Well, actually, I do feel like a bad a$$. I tore that step mill up today after my training session with Big Jon. I headed straight to the club and I did HIIT for 40 minutes. (Yes you read right. 40 minutes) 1 minute hard, 1 minute recovery. I am SO glad I asked for clarification on that HIIT activity today. NOT!

Either way. I feel like a bad motha!! I got a text from another competitor and chatted with Shawna this morning and I am just on.fire.all.over.again! I am doing this. I am really doing this.

In other news, I found out today that if I feel like I am starving, I can have a pickle or celery.

This is what this girl gets excited about these days. A Pickle. I can't wait to feel starving so I can eat one delightful pickle.

Tonight, I will be starving I am sure of it. And I have a date with a pickle.

STOP Craving Me

I got my first, and possibly only cheat meal yesterday.

It didn't turn out as fantastic as I had imagined it.

Which left me in a bitter mood.

But I have a post coming on that, now I need to go watch a movie with my kiddos.

But, I am putting it out there, that I am craving food, any food, in the worst way today. I am trying to keep occupied. This is not for the weak, because I promise you I have never wanted to eat more, bad food than in this instant.

I will not give in.

The Difference

between me looking like I belong on stage in a very small bikini and not belonging will not come down to me not showing up.

I will be there. Regardless, I will show up for training.

I learned a valuable lesson today. Let me explain. I am a natural competitor in training. Which means I do not take anything illegal or immoral to help push me further or harder. I do, though take BCAA'S, glutamine, and caffeine to start my workout. Well, BCAA's and caffeine for the first time ever today.

My morning did not start out well. I had this ingenious idea to mix my BCAA's that taste like strawberry, glutamine, oats, and egg whites together. I am nauseous thinking about it. Hold on, let me puke a minute....

Ok, I am back.

That was a disaster. But you can bet I ate it. Trying to be all hardcore instead of tossing it and starting over. First mistake.

Then I had googled how much caffeine to take. Note: I always take a preworkout energy supplement. This is pure caffeine. I took .5 tsp=200mg=1 cup of coffee I later learned.

I stirred the .5 tsp of caffeine powder in my water. Second mistake.

I got a text from Big Jon that said "good job this week, enjoy some food tonight, nothing too bad... but a good carb pasta or something." Oh I was esctatic!! I have been 100% on point all week and I could taste that yummmmy shrimp pasta I was going to make. Next thing I know, I am riding in the car with the fam on the way to the gym and I am getting extremely hyper.

And I get out of the car, and I must be what drunk feels like because I feel like I am picking up my extremely light legs and dropping them down on the ground each time I take a step. Weird. The world around me is starting to spin a bit.

Ah, hell. Jared told me not to take so much. Welcome to Mormonville. I am Teri, I am a Mormon and I do not drink coffee, or tea, or most recently soda. I am also a week with out sugar. Apparently .5 tsp of caffeine is a little much for this light weight.

I barely, barely got through my lifts. I feel like I don't really even remember them. This has me very, very annoyed. I said I would put a 110% in and be happy with my results. Hard to put 110% in, when the gosh dang room is spinning. HIIT on the stair mill was out of the question. I went home, upset, sick and wanting more than anything to throw up.

Refuel. Food is now fuel. It is not for enjoyment in any way, shape or form. Each meal has its purpose, it is planned-- it doesn't taste very good. But it is fuel and my body needs it to grow. All I wanted to do was starve or throw up. Refuel, every 2.5 or 3 hours. Today was the first day I wasn't waiting for my refuel time. I could have cared less and I thought about skipping my fuel. But, I chose to trust the process and refuel anyway. Gagging it down each time.

Of course I took the hottest bath you can imagine, then coldest shower you can imagine. Then tried to throw up. Then tried to sleep (hello? Caffeine, ya that didn't work) I was in and out of bed all day. Wanted.to. die.

It was 7 pm and I had to get my HIIT on the stairs done. I was not ready to skip a workout. I was not ready to not show up. I was not ready to have a bump in my training road already.

I took another cold shower. I had already pounded 2 gallons of water, I took another half and I got my a$$ in the car and headed to the Club. Where I was determined to step up and down for 30 minutes. Less strenuous HIIT than I am used to, but HIIT none the less.

I think tomorrow, I will take each supplement separate. And I will eat eggs separate from oats. And I will have a cheat meal. And I will like it. And on Monday, I will lick my finger, stick it in the caffeine bottle and pray like only this Mormon mom can that I do not feel like crap after.

What I learned is, I can do hard things. I can push when I would usually lay in bed. I will not come in 1st, 10th, or 50th place because I did not show up. Because I did not train hard enough. Road blocks will come, but I am determined to be my best self, my best competitor. And I will show up. The difference will not come down to a missed opportunity to train.

Crap Mart

I am like a brand new baby. As long as I have gone to the bathroom, and been fed... it is ok to take me out and about. BUT I must be home in two hours or I will get feisty. I mean, I pee constantly-- I drink realistically 2 gallons of water a day. Not by instruction, I just like water.

I had to go to Wal-Mart tonight, my friend calls it Crap-Mart. I now call it Stupid Friggin Satan-Mart. Is it really necessary to have ALL that horrible processed Satanic food at eye level all through out the entire store?

I mean, hello? Some of us are in training. Stop tempting me you Jack A$$es!!!!!!!!

Friends, don't be suprised if you get a call from me asking to do some grocery shopping for me. It is a lot easier to be strong, in the safety of my own home.

FYI, no cheats. 100% eating. You can't out train a bad diet people!! I have tried it for years, and it just.doesn't.work. My coach can only lead me so far, I have to use the motivation and the will power from my heart to get me on that stage in a tiny bikini. I will not be defeated. I will not be unprepared. I will conquer!!!!!!!!! I feel like I should enter a "hooyah" here.

Hitting the gym tomorow morning, double time on those legs, and some back and chest work baby. I got my supp supp supplements in the mail today. I am on fire and I am ready to freakin dominate. Look out fella's, I'll be the one, lifting a little heavier than you tomorow. Another "hooyah" feels appropriate. Jeeze, I am not even military I don't know what's come over me!!!!!!!!

5 Pull Ups!

Oh ya, and for my record keeping.........
today, is the day, I met my goal of 5 underhanded pull ups.
And by this time next month....
10 will be my middle name.
Oh ya baby, I got this

Have you Been Wondering?

So, a lot of people are starting to be a bit curious about what I am doing. And the answer "ah, hell I don't know" isn't really what they are looking for. So I thought I could offer a description by picture....This is me on July 30th, 2011. I am wearing 5 inch heels (That I have never worn before so I look a bit awkward in them)
And this is Shawna, Jon's wife and a fellow figure competitor at a show earlier this year... so you get the idea-- this is my goal

Jon says "high and tight" a lot. I mean, I'll do whatever the heck he says to get my backside lookin like THAT! I mean, dang girl!!

And this is what the front of a fellow figure competitor looks like.

When Jon evaluated my pictures he said a few things. First of all... high and tight needs to be taken care of on my booty. (My words, not his) and I need a quad sweep on the outer thighs... My lats will get bigger and wider, my shoulders the same. My arms will lean out and be more toned. He guessed I would be down almost 17 lbs from where I am now for the show.

A figure competitor is said to gain 10 lbs in the week after the show. Easy, I will be sodium depleted and dehydrated I believe. Because that is how your muscles POP. So all you people reading this thinking "I want to look like these figure competitors, bikini competitors, fitness models etc..." please understand that it is extremely hard to maintain this look and I would venture to say unhealthy as well. So, just for the record. If you see me at my show, and then a month later and I look softer and you think "wow, she hopped off the wagon and got fatt"-- I didn't, my body is just recovering and I will have to find a balance at that point. Which I hear is not the easiest thing to do and takes time and patience to figure out.

Today like I said earlier was rest day. Which meant I was home all day with the exception of teaching my class tonight. All I have to say is, if I didn't workout I would have a bum-load of extra time on my hands. I mean, I sat down and watched a movie with the kids. I NEVER do that, but I was resting and it was fun!

I feel like I am doing a really good job (all 4 days in) of balancing my acts. I am getting up a little earlier and taking time aside at night to read my scriptures and make sure the house is kept up. I want my non training time over the next four months to be spent loving and caring for my family. This accomplishment will mean nothing if it is at the expense of those I love the most. So, day 4 has been a success. I haven't eaten anything naughty... (you don't even wanna know what I am eating!!) and my training is going really well. I respect my trainer and his knowledge very much. He is tough, down to business, and I fully believe if anyone can turn me into a figure competitor... it is him.

Ohhhhh man....

Thank the heavens above for these four loving words from my new best friend/slave driver/trainer "Tomorow is rest day."

I am gonna need it because he freaking worked my legs today. And I kinda wanted to die, a couple times.

But you know what? I secretly liked it. Bring it Big Jon!!!

Oh ya, I am sorta famous now....

http://www.bigjonb.com/figure-blog.html

Go FIGURE

Ah today is day 2 of operation "make Teri a figure competitor."

I feel like I walk different. Haha, like my muscles just randomly flex and I don't know how or why. I am different. I have set a goal, and I will work my butt off to make this happen.

I am scared. Scared as crap to tell the truth. I have told a few people about my commitment. I have gotten some wide eye responses, some negative energy, some lack of responses and a few really excited congratulations. I feel the doubt in people's eyes though.

I don't know if it hurts more that they doubt me, or more that I fear they could be right. That I won't be able to turn myself into a competitor.

I wrote an email tonight to a friend in fitness Donloree at bikiniorbust. She is great! She was so excited to hear that I made the commitment and wanted to know all about it. I told her I appreciated her being happy with me. We all need more cheerleaders in life. I do not know this woman. She lives in Canada. But she is happy for me, and excited to see me succeed. Today, I am really- really thankful for her.

When I first started trying to become a runner, I couldn't even run a mile outside. I eventually taught myself to run a half marathon. When I first wanted to become a fitness instructor, I had no clue how, when, or why. And then I learned, and started teaching boot camp. I have taught my body to do hard things that it has resisted. I have taught my body that I am boss and that it will do what I demand of it. We can all teach ourselves to do anything we set our minds to. If our desire is strong enough.

I am so thankful for my body's quick responses and for, ya know... doing what I tell it to.

Anyway, this is still pretty surreal. I just finished my dinner: salmon, spinach and asparagus. It didn't really taste that good-- but it did taste a lot like big muscles. I can do anything for four months. I will not fail because I did not try hard enough. I will give 110% every freaking day for the next 95 days and I will succeed on that alone.

I train with my trainer, Big Jon at Big Jon's Fitness tomorrow. DANG GIRL!! I am nervous. I have never trained with or for anyone. I can't waite to see what I am made of. Wish me luck!

Dear Mom,

I just wanted to take a minute to tell you something that has been on my mind and my heart.
Thank you for being the mom you are. Thank you for showing me by example what it meant to love your children. I hope that as my kids learn and grow I will be as loving and encouraging as you are.
As I start on my new journey to my figure show I am concerned and nervous about what people will think and say-- and worst of all that they will think I am not capable of making this happen, and of course, that they could be right too.
When I told you about my goal to compete in a figure competition you made me feel like a million dollars, like you, with out a doubt, knew I could do this and were proud of me for setting a goal. I know you are nervous I could teeter on an unhealthy edge, but I wanted to assure you that the truly important things in my life are much bigger than an show or competition. You have my word I'll be very careful.
Thank you for believing in me and always making me think I am capable of anything, and absolutely everything at the same time.
Love,
Me