The Difference

between me looking like I belong on stage in a very small bikini and not belonging will not come down to me not showing up.

I will be there. Regardless, I will show up for training.

I learned a valuable lesson today. Let me explain. I am a natural competitor in training. Which means I do not take anything illegal or immoral to help push me further or harder. I do, though take BCAA'S, glutamine, and caffeine to start my workout. Well, BCAA's and caffeine for the first time ever today.

My morning did not start out well. I had this ingenious idea to mix my BCAA's that taste like strawberry, glutamine, oats, and egg whites together. I am nauseous thinking about it. Hold on, let me puke a minute....

Ok, I am back.

That was a disaster. But you can bet I ate it. Trying to be all hardcore instead of tossing it and starting over. First mistake.

Then I had googled how much caffeine to take. Note: I always take a preworkout energy supplement. This is pure caffeine. I took .5 tsp=200mg=1 cup of coffee I later learned.

I stirred the .5 tsp of caffeine powder in my water. Second mistake.

I got a text from Big Jon that said "good job this week, enjoy some food tonight, nothing too bad... but a good carb pasta or something." Oh I was esctatic!! I have been 100% on point all week and I could taste that yummmmy shrimp pasta I was going to make. Next thing I know, I am riding in the car with the fam on the way to the gym and I am getting extremely hyper.

And I get out of the car, and I must be what drunk feels like because I feel like I am picking up my extremely light legs and dropping them down on the ground each time I take a step. Weird. The world around me is starting to spin a bit.

Ah, hell. Jared told me not to take so much. Welcome to Mormonville. I am Teri, I am a Mormon and I do not drink coffee, or tea, or most recently soda. I am also a week with out sugar. Apparently .5 tsp of caffeine is a little much for this light weight.

I barely, barely got through my lifts. I feel like I don't really even remember them. This has me very, very annoyed. I said I would put a 110% in and be happy with my results. Hard to put 110% in, when the gosh dang room is spinning. HIIT on the stair mill was out of the question. I went home, upset, sick and wanting more than anything to throw up.

Refuel. Food is now fuel. It is not for enjoyment in any way, shape or form. Each meal has its purpose, it is planned-- it doesn't taste very good. But it is fuel and my body needs it to grow. All I wanted to do was starve or throw up. Refuel, every 2.5 or 3 hours. Today was the first day I wasn't waiting for my refuel time. I could have cared less and I thought about skipping my fuel. But, I chose to trust the process and refuel anyway. Gagging it down each time.

Of course I took the hottest bath you can imagine, then coldest shower you can imagine. Then tried to throw up. Then tried to sleep (hello? Caffeine, ya that didn't work) I was in and out of bed all day. Wanted.to. die.

It was 7 pm and I had to get my HIIT on the stairs done. I was not ready to skip a workout. I was not ready to not show up. I was not ready to have a bump in my training road already.

I took another cold shower. I had already pounded 2 gallons of water, I took another half and I got my a$$ in the car and headed to the Club. Where I was determined to step up and down for 30 minutes. Less strenuous HIIT than I am used to, but HIIT none the less.

I think tomorrow, I will take each supplement separate. And I will eat eggs separate from oats. And I will have a cheat meal. And I will like it. And on Monday, I will lick my finger, stick it in the caffeine bottle and pray like only this Mormon mom can that I do not feel like crap after.

What I learned is, I can do hard things. I can push when I would usually lay in bed. I will not come in 1st, 10th, or 50th place because I did not show up. Because I did not train hard enough. Road blocks will come, but I am determined to be my best self, my best competitor. And I will show up. The difference will not come down to a missed opportunity to train.