One Week

Today is exactly one week from the day I decided I would not compete.

It seems like so long ago all ready, but yet the time has gone by fast. A couple girls asked me today if I still felt good about my decision not to compete and I easily said... "yeah, I am still a little sad. But looking at the big picture, I am content with what I chose."

I will admit I went to the gym more than once (haven't missed a workout, booyah) with tears in my eyes. I will admit that I ate "comfort" food more than 2, or maybe it was 20 times to stuff emotions I didn't want to deal with. I will admit I layed down on my pillow more than one time realizing that my heart was indeed hurting. I will admit that more than once I have felt a little bit overwhelmed by not being so busy and focused.

But, it is 7 days later now. I have had treats, in fact, I am pretty sure I have made up for every single thing I ever had to say no to in the past 2.5 months, (really 3.5 months because I was being extremely strict on my diet in July, when I started working with the get in shape girl). Ahh, it did feel good in the moment of eating those things, but after, yes I felt sick, yes I felt a little guilt, yes I felt fat.

Yes, in fact I do feel fat. Today when I hit the gym, I felt extremely fat and swollen actually. I have not weighed myself. I refuse. I will not step on the scale until Friday, I can face the music Friday but only because I am back on my new and improved nutrition plan from Big Jon starting tomorow, and will not be indulging in ANYTHING AT ALL besides that plan until Saturday night, which I will get a cheat meal, and then Sunday, I will get a cheat treat because it is my bubba boy's second birthday. (That was a side note of rambling, sorry.)

Anyway, I fully believe for people like me it is best to weigh every single day, because otherwise I have been known to use it as an excuse to indulge from not knowing the "damage" of a cheating day. But, I needed a week to process and let a little loose. I feel ready to get back on track.

I am anxious to feed my body healthy clean food again. I told my husband on the way home from our little get a way today that (as I drank a diet dr pepper) my body was prolly screaming at me "lady, what happened to all the water you have been giving me?" I sorta laughed about it and continued to imagine what all my body could be saying "what the heck happened to the clean food moron?" "Is this what the week before the show woulda been like, dry and thirsty?... and I answered "no, stupid body you would have been starving too, be thankful you have been gettin food."

Wow, I really am that weird.

It just makes me think that our bodies really like healthy food and exercise so much better than the alternative. They really, really do.

My body likes to look leaner, it likes to be fed nutritious healthy food and it likes to sweat.

So body, that is what you will get. Enjoy, it is coming. Yum, can't waite for tomorow morning and my 3/4 cup oats with egg whites. HOLLA... 3/4 cup seems like a freaking thanksgiving day feast compared to the 1/4 cup I have been eating (breakfast is the one meal I have followed 100% since last week... woop woop go me!)