Who Am I gonna Be Now?

So about 8 months ago I put a note on my mirror that said

"who are you going to be? Pick, then make it happen."

If I am ok with eating whatever I want, I have to be ok with looking like I eat whatever I want.
If I want to look like I workout hardcore, then I don't get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Period. You can not outtrain a bad diet. Ah, some can, let me reword that I CAN NOT OUT TRAIN MY BAD DIET.

This week, has been a bad diet week. No I am not talking about being on a "diet" I am just talking about the food that I eat and refer to it as my diet. So here me, I am not on a diet, never have been. I just call the food that I cosume, my diet.

I emailed Big Jon today, ready to set my goals for the next 6 months.

Dear Big Jon

Thanks, workout was good today. I refueled right after with my protein shake, and then came home and ate peanut butter cookies.
Yep. Not doing so good on my assigned nutrition plan, but then you figured that was going to be the case, didn't you?!Well I have thought more about the goals that I wanted to set that you and I talked about last week and I think I have pinpointed them a little more clearly now that I have gotten my cheats out of the way.
So I thought I should share them before you got my new nutrition plan rolling.I don't necessarily want to build any more muscle, I don't think. What's your opinion there? I don't want to look skinny, but I want to be smallish. I think the muscle I have is all pretty good and big enough, but I want it to be more cut looking. So, I know we talked about me having to gain some weight back, and that healthy body fat range is 18%. I just am not going to be ok at 18%, I don't really care about the scale I just want the body fat lower and since I was 13% 3 weeks ago, I am assuming I am 12 or 13 now and want to maintain here for the next several years. When someone comes into the gym, I want them to look at me and think that my body is what they are trying to get. I want to be in better shape looking than any female trainer at a gym. Period. I need a nutrition plan that is going to fuel that, and preferrably one that does not include tilapia.

It can be strict enough during the week because I will continue on with the one cheat meal a week or maybe two.... haven't quite figured that out. Maybe one a week, but will be able to partake at a birthday party without feeling like I need to get cardio done at 2 in the morning after.

Cardio is another question for you. Is more (like the 90 minutes I have been doing) really the best way to keep body fat lower? I will be training with my bootcamp people tue and thurs which basically is an hour of cardio each of those nights. We do incorporate weights, but when we do the resistance is light(8-10 lb dumb bells or 20 lb max bar weight) and high reps (24-30 ish) Other than that I am ok with being in the gym 6 days and keeping Sunday as my rest day. Obviously same as before I only have 2 hours though because of daycare.
Anyway, thought I should send email and get your thoughts and what not. Its been a hard week, not gonna lie. It'lll get easier though. I don't want to throw away all the sweat I have put out getting here so it is time to get this shit figured out.
Thanks again for everything Jon