I was reading on a friend of a friend's blog last night about the topic of SEX. Wow, I can't believe I am typing this on my public blog. But got me thinking a lot so I am going to share my thoughts and ask for yours.
Her post was talking about her and her loving husbands sex life after several years. How it evolves and how things change over time, how they make it better, more interesting, and more loving. She also mentioned that she doesn't "expect" her husband to find her sexy right after she has a baby, launching into the fact that her baby is a couple months old and she is getting back to eating healthy and exercising. *Note, this chick is 130 lbs, and looks absolutly beautiful... but she doesn't FEEL beautiful or "sexy" would prolly be the better term... because she just pushed a kid out of her chotch two months ago, her skin is still a bit saggy, and her muscle tone is lost. I think she referred to herself as skinny fat... although I'd take her frame and figure in a heart beat. (Side note)
This made me remember when I was pregnant with my first baby. Oh my, my, my. It was bad friends. Picture this... that picture to the right upper corner of where I started, with the worst acne all over my face. Like reallly, the worst acne you can imagine, that is what it looked like covering my face, chest and back. Then imagine that picture of my face swelled up times two, literally. My belly was HUGE. My stretch marks were horrifying. HORRIFYING. This is not me being dramatic, my husband saw a picture from my baby shower with me a few weeks later and we didn't even recognize me. We didn't know I looked "that" bad. Honestly, it was pure freaking hell on me. I was used to being an averagely good looking girl, with a little fluff on me. And I turned into a ginormous walking turn off. It was hard on my husband. He'd be lying if he said otherwise, and I would be an absolute idiot if I expected or thought he could be attracted to that. It was horrible, it was not who he married, I felt ugly, and I looked ugly.
Anyway, we had sex-- yes. But it wasn't that "blow your freakin" mind kind anymore. It was just have sex because normal people in normal relationships have sex. And eventually after our little princess was born and growing, I was able to get back into a routine of working out, eating healthy, and got me a mean perscription of Accutane. Slowly but surely I started feeling like "me" again, and slowly but surely our sex life was getting back to that "blow my freaking mind, my husband is amazing in bed" kind.
So my conclusion is that regardless of how I looked, my husband loved me. He wanted to make love to me and nothing would stop him, of course unless it hurt because I was huge and lets face it... when you are preggo there comes a point when it just wont work anymore for a while. :o) But, today-- when I am in the best shape of my life, (like actually and physically looking) I think our sex is the best ever.
I don't think it is because we have been together for almost 7 years, I think it is because for the first time in our entire married life-- I am pretty much at peace and thankful for the body I have, and I am not afraid to have "the lights on" if you will. I think the confidence that I have in my body makes a lot of things in our relationship better-- He finds my boost in confidence sexy, I feel like I "deserve" my sexy man, to the fact that I know he is attracted to me, and me only. I know that he "wants" me, and I "want" him too.
So, for you. Do you think it is important in your relationship to keep yourself looking and feeling good? Do you think the importance is on "looking" good, or actually "feeling" like you look good?
Come on!! Let's hear it!
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6 comments:
Absolutely! The better I feel about myself, the better I feel about myself with someone else. When I was 80lbs heavier, certain positions were just not comfortable physically and mentally because I worried about how I looked. And knowing my partner loved me and told me I was beautiful even when I weighed 260lbs makes me love him all the more.
dude, :) I was ready to tease you about writing a post about sex but I totally loved it! It was really inspirering-however you spell that word! Seriously, it was awesome. Since I've gained some weight back I'm totally a 'lights out' girl :) it really does make a big difference! Thanks for the thought, something to look forward to! :)
Ugly after having a baby? Wow so sad.
I think self confidence is a huge factor in our sex lives, but I think trust is as well. Trusting our partner to love us no matter what, and trusting our partner to know that we can be sensitive about our bodies.
I have to be honest, I think it works both ways...at least in my relationship. I love my husband whether he is at his ideal weight or 20 pounds more BUT I am not as sexually attracted to him when he is carrying extra pounds. It affects our sex life because I am less willing to have sex. Sorry, but it is true. I am also likely to have less sex if I am carrying an extra 5-10 pounds as well. I think most men do not notice a little extra weight when they have that one thing on their mind but I know that I am more willing to be adventurous when I feel good about myself rather than just the boring basic positions, lol! So, yes, I think weight and how we look greatly effects our sex life!
Thanks for the input friends. I was a bit nervous to post this, because I am a bit of a prude at times :o) But I thought it was an interesting topic that stems into a million others, one of which fitminded mom brought up and that is how she feels/or would feel about her partner if he gained weight! Ha, I never really thought about that.. .only how I felt about myself and if I am not feeling "Sexy" I don't really want to do a lot of sexy things... haha. But the thought of my man gaining weight and not being the athletic rockin hot dude he is does make me wonder if I would be all about jumpin his bones!! (maybe not, and maybe he wouldn't be as interested either if he didn't feel so confident in the body that he has worked years and years to develop). At then end of the day, I do believe that it comes down to communication and trust between partners so you both can feel safe in what is an extremely vulnerable situation. I know for ME, and I am sure that it will be true til I am on my death bed-- if I am in good shape, and not worried about a roll or dimply skin-- I am ready to rock the bed a lot harder than if I am trying to make sure he can't "see" my imperfections (that are so apparent to ME).
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