I wont lie this week has been hard. The changes while may seem apparent to those on the outside, are really REALLY hard to see in myself since I look in the mirror day after day and I haven't weighed myself in a week and a half. I sent Jon one text this week telling him I just was having a day and I didn't think I was ready. To which he responded to get the hell over myself and let him worry whether I'd be ready or not... I cried a little when I got his message. Ok, I totally cried at the gym.
I am on 1/2 c oatmeal a day!!! Have I told you that I am like, on carb underload... I blame the emotions on that because I would usually not cry over a stupid text from cranky ol Big Jon. But I did, in the gym that day. I hid it fairly well though and I just pushed on through the workout and the self doubt.
I got my workout emailed to me later that night with a "kick in the ass" from Jon as well. No room for doubt now, enjoy my body now because I have worked hard to earn it and it isn't going to last... it isn't healthy to even attempt to maintain this physique and I won't be able to no matter what my intentions are. i don't even realize what I look like because I have too little confidence basically. It was a big nice compliment from Jon, the man of few words... and they were appreciated and boosted my confidence in a way that I really needed right then and there.
I had posing yesterday and while I was happy my posing was so much better. I still have that "inner fat girl" inside my new body that feels like the biggest girl in the room no matter who I am surrounded by, and yesterday the other competitors all just looked so amazing. I wanted to cry again, not out of fear or jealousy, but mostly because I was so proud of them. Especially the one girl, Amanda-- she has totally transformed and honestly she looks so freaking amazing. I couldn't be in more awe and more proud of her. This is hard shit to get done and anyone who tells you other wise is honestly, lying.
Anyway, I felt insecure and insignificant in comparison to the 5 other girls there posing. But today as I look at those pictures and reflect on where I have been, how I have gotten here and all the sweat and tears that it has taken to get me here, I can truly say-- that I am confident with the package I am bringing to the stage. Not because I think it is a champion physique, or because I even think it is top 5 physique-- but because I can honestly say I have done everything as perfectly as possible to bring MY best self to MY stage. I am so proud, so humbled, and so excited to finish the next 12 days out and ready to shine in victory of the past 15 weeks of sacrifice and determination on my part-- and as much on my husband and kids part too. My trainers have been amazing, and the other girls have become more than other competitors-- but friends I am glad to call mine.
So, here is to 12 days of hardcore nutrition, no room for error, hard core cardio... no room for slacking, and here is to the mental toughness I know I am going to need to get through it. Thanks for following my journey and for cheering me on. Operation Teri becomes a figure competitor is almost complete!
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