Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all my beautiful fit minded mommy's like myself out there!! It is not easy to be a mom and balance the fit lifestyle day in and day out with all the many things we have to do to make our worlds run smoothly...so if you are managing it, I say kudos to you. Recognize the good you are doing for yourself and the positive example you are setting for your families of what a fit healthy lifestyle means.

I had an exciting weekend. My mom got re-married yesterday and today was of course, a mother's day celebration. What does that add up to? FOOD, food, food.

I really stayed on good track Monday through Thursday last week but, Thursday life started getting a bit busier than usual and I felt the pressure of a hectic day-- and my eating went to heck and a hand basket to just put it like it is.

I am having a hard time transitioning to real life. I am having a hard time making a decision as to who exactly I want to be. Granted, I am a wife and mom first (my highest most precious priorities) but I am a personal trainer and advocate of health second. I am passionate about all four of these titles.

The problem I keep going back and forth with is-- I L.O.V.E food. I have a fat woman on the inside of this smaller body and I love to eat. I get excited about a dinner out, a bbq, wedding cake, cookies, mexican food, or an ice cream cone. I genuinely get excited. I think in one thought that I don't care that much what my figure looks like, I enjoy food and I want to enjoy eating it with people. I am sick of being the "one" who "can't" have anything, ever. But in that exact moment that I say that while I am indulging in not one, but two bowls of ice cream... I feel embarrassed to be eating that. I feel like I look fat, and I feel like people think I look fat. I do not want to step foot into my husbands work because I don't "look" like a fitness competitor/personal trainer, and I tried to wear the loosest dress I had to church today in hopes people wouldn't notice I have gained weight.

That is not a good sign. I feel it is a slippery slope that if a client told me, I would be waving red flags around racking my brain trying to figure out how to help my client see their beauty and how they "really" look. But we aren't talking about them, we are talking about me and I feel nervous about these feelings I am having.

People are asking, how is it going? I am not lying I am telling it like it is, it's hard. I just hate it because I want this to be easy. I have been changing, evolving for over two years now. My new lifestyle should be more permanent and easy to follow, shouldn't it?

I have read that it never gets easy. It's always a choice.

I think the #1 problem I am facing is this cold, hard, truth--

I am a recovering addict. I am addicted to sugar. Like an alcoholic or a drug hooked person (What is that called? oh yah, a drug addict-- duh) I do very well as long as I stay away from my drug. Sugar. If I do not indulge in one, I am safe. But the moment I eat one of absolutely anything sugar... it is a freaking slip n slide down the biggest mountain you can imagine... I just can not stop and I eat it all, anything within sight-- until I feel sick.

I know I should put it out there that this is easy for me. I should say I can have one treat and stop. I should say and believe that I can do all things in moderation. But over and over again I am proving myself wrong. It isn't that I want to be the girl who nobody wants to go to the movie with because I CAN'T eat anything there, it isn't that I want to be the person who says no to a dessert party because I CAN'T say no to the cake without being pissy and wanting it. It isn't that I want to be this person. I just am that person.

I could choose to not be, but then I choose to gain 30 lbs and I now realize that, because it isn't possible to out train that shitty diet... I might as well at that point stop working out because I am doing it in vain. I could be that person. But I would be sad. I'd be sad when I walked, I'd be sad when I took my kids to the park and felt exhausted. I'd be sad when I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection. I'd be sad when my husband wanted to make love and I didn't want to because I felt fat and don't want him to see my stomach.

It all comes down to choices and anyone who tells you these choices are easy is a freaking liar and I'll say it to their face. I am not a fitness model who pays the bills on my physique (maybe it IS easy for them, but they make a living eating 100% all the time), I am just a real girl who takes care of their family and wants to be the best most fittest version of herself she can-- without making herself feel crazy.

So, all of my weight loss challengers, all of my clients who told me this week they were going to work hard to make up for "it" whatever "it" is to you, in the gym this week. I am going to tell you the cold hard truth-- you can't. What's done is done and you have to do better on your nutrition and you can't out train a bad diet.  I am working on being a better example for you, I can't expect out of you what I can't do myself right? Well, I know you know WE can do it. We have to choose to do it, and tomorrow, next week or "Monday" aint gonna cut it. It has to be now, in this moment.

So let's make the choices. The hard choices. Let's pick the higher road, the one that leads us to the end result we are happy and proud of. Not the easy road that makes us feel happy "in the moment." Keep working hard, aiming high, doing your best. And as Tony Horton would say "forget the rest."