Not Top 5

Just a little announcement... have you ever wanted to see a workout from me? Have you ever wondered what my training style is like? IF so, this weekend is your chance... I am going to run a bootcamp class at a local track-- charging only $5 a person (cuz I am wayyy cool like that) so you can get a little taste of my action!! Message me if you are interested. All ability levels welcome because it's bootcamp-- that means you work at your own pace!!!

So, to address the fact that "I did not place," "I wasn't top 5," "I was 7th," ""I got last place."

When I heard the MC call out top 5 and I wasn't one of them, I didn't care one tiny bit. I was just fine. I turned on my 5 inch heels and went to the dressing room-- I was going to change but realized I wanted some pictures with my man before I took off my sparkly suit. So I grabbed a girl scout cookie, downed some water and swigged some powerade and went in search of my love muffin (who I was watching the entire time I was on stage, and he made me heart so happy. He was a proud husband, and he really really thought I looked smokin!)

He came out and the first thing he said was "that was bull $hiz!" I kinda stopped for a second like "what the heck is he talkin about?!" And then I got it. He totally thought I was top 5, and he even thought 4th place was mine. I told him I didn't care. A friend came back and said the same thing-- "that was bull!" I still didn't think anything of it because I was on cloud nine. I can not even begin to explain how magical it all felt. It was just amazing! With every day that passes I love my experience even more. It was so far away from my normal, so so far out of my comfort zone, so so different than anything I have ever done. But it was so real! It was so incredible because it took so much work, so much self control, so much diligence, so much ugly hardness for one night of AMAZING! It took all I had to complete that race and I felt like the winner regardless of how I placed.

In case you forgot... please look at the upper right hand corner and remember where I originally started my transformation journey. I mean, SERIOUSLY!! Can you even believe that is possible?

I can't. I don't. I can't believe it is me. IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN DO IT!

Anyway, so as I was laying in bed not sleeping that night, I had to come up and upload all my pics. I didn't want to forget A SINGLE THING. That is when I saw the update that they had posted our placing. I mean I wasn't top 5, so it isn't like it's a big question how I placed-- I had to be either 6th or 7th, but that didn't dawn on me until I saw that I was 7th. And, then my heart hurt a little. I really was last place. They thought I looked worse than every single other girl? I was the fat kid again, the one who finished every freaking race, last.... for a few moments. And then I remembered how I had felt. Like a princess (A freaking buff ass princess). It took me a few days to really settle in with the "last place" thing.

Multiple people came up to me, I saw pics of me next to the other girls, Jon said I shouldn't have been last, my husband said it, my dad said it, everyone said it. I don't want to make excuses or take anything away from any other competitor because we all worked our butts off to be there. I more than likely worked harder than some, and maybe not as hard as others. But I worked MY hardest, and that was the best possible package I could have brought. I had nothing more to give. I did my best. I am proud of that. I think my butt looked better than several of the others, but I think their stomachs looked better than mine. I think back now, and I didn't smile enough on stage, I didn't make eye contact enough with the judges-- I didn't nail my first back pose. That all plays a role in the scoring. If I never would have known I got 7th, my heart would have never hurt at all. Someone had to take last though, and you know what-- I am glad in a way it was me, because I can take it. It doesn't hurt anymore. I know how I prepped, I know there were things on the stage I could do better next time, but I also know I felt like a million dollars and nothing can take that away from me.

And a panel of human judges judged me. Those same people could judge us today and put me as 2nd place. A different round of judges could have placed me as 5th. It is all so subjective and I wouldn't want to be in their seats either-- messing with people's hearts deciding who is "best" and who is "worst."

It is Wednesday, 5 days post show and I swear every single day I love my experience more. I heard my song from stage walking come on the radio today and I felt my heart get big and adrenaline kick in again. It was amazing, it was magical and if I wasn't the responsible, doting wife and mom that I am-- I can tell you now I would want to do another show in 6 months. I know how it works now, I know I loved it now, I know I could bring a better me to a stage in 6 months.

But, I am a wife and mom first. My family followed me on this crazy journey and I am so so thankful-- but I also know the limits that need to be set and this is one. I am a wife and mom and I feel the desire to make my family the priority-- and my fitness life the secondary. I will still train dirty, eat clean, and help anyone and everyone I can, find joy in their own personal transformation journey's, but family is everything to me-- and it always will be.

For my 40th birthday though....... Mama prepping again I'll tell ya that right now!!