My week has been a little rough so far. I was so obsessed with making it through the weekend ok that when Monday got here I sort of let loose. I have been keeping up my workouts but kinda just ate whatever, whenever. The scale is looking fine still, but I was just feeling like a battle was going on in my head. Like I have just been restless. I just am worn out, kind of tired of thinking about eating, working out, and drinking enough water all the time. Amy kind of put me in my place though, she told me I needed to make a decision... stay at 145 or decide to lose more.
This is where the battle unfolds. I have never been thinner than 135 in my entire life. When I did weight watchers after my daughter the thinest I got was 14o. I know that I could get to 135 if I watch every stinking thing I eat and continue to work out like crazy. Is it worth it?! I don't know, I know I would love the way I look at 135. 140 I feel like I look ok, but I can maintain it easier... getting to have a cupcake if I want it, or a handful of m&m's if they are in front of me. But, Roaring Springs is coming up and 135 seems better in a swim suit.
So, I talked to myself all day yesterday, called a different friend, thought about what I really want from myself.
I decided I want to be 140 by May 1st. I want to lose 5 more pounds and see how I feel when I get there. I know that I will always, always, think I have ten pounds to lose. No matter how much I weigh I always wish I were a little smaller. Human nature, slef criticism... I don't know what it is, but it is a fact of life for me. I am switching up my workouts, I am going to add in more strength training with weights, and take away kickboxing, increasing my runs to help me prepare for my half marathon this summer. I hope that being mindful of my food choices, switching up my workouts and having a goal, I will be sucessful and able to get to 140 and maintain it through May, when I then can make a decision to stay in maintenace, or go down another few pounds.
By the way, set my date for the half marathon. July 10th Fit for Life Boise. I wish it were sooner, but the only race sooner than that is like 85 dollars to run. Fit for Life is only 35.
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3 comments:
Thank you for sharing your inner battles, this week has been rough for me. It just seems like a lot of work with very little pay off, but I know the pay off is coming....eventually. Living a healthier lifestyle will always pay off no matter what the scale says.
Sometimes it's hard to decide the difference between what you want and what's best for you. I'm glad you made a choice and I hope you feel good about it!
I'm right there with you Teri! Part of the reason I didn't participate this time around was that my whole goal is not to lose weight. I just wanted to make exercise a priority for me & Marcel. Even if we were eating the same (which I feel is fairly healthy) just adding some exercise was that much better. I want to feel like I can eat a brownie, or a cupcake andnot hate myself for it :) I also agree that we'll always want to be smaller, but if the pounds keep slowly falling off for me like they have since I've started running, I'm sure I'll get to my dream number eventually. May take me awhile, but I know I can get there!!
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